Four Seasons
by Jazz7
Summary: Sesshoumaru spends a year with Kikyou by his side. As the four seasons pass they get to know each other and fall in love... But nothing lasts forever. "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, someday you'll be happy."
1. Spring Chapter One

**Author's Notes: **This is the preview chapter. It's not officially the first chapter and this was written quite a few years ago. So please keep that in mind. The real chapter one is chapter 2.

Side note: This chapter won't explain how Kikyou joined Sesshoumaru's group, that's how I planned it and that's how its going to stay. The next chapter will explain.

* * *

Four Seasons

Spring: Chapter 1

Sunlight fluttered through Sesshoumaru's window. Instead of gazing upon the beautiful morning, he was curled up in to a ball under the covers on his bed. The birds were singing on the trees happily and one song joined in.

"Uh...What the hell..." Muttered Sesshoumaru under the covers, trying to go back to sleep despite the annoying voice. He finally couldn't stand it and sat up.

His eye twitched as he slowly turned his head towards the window. From the position of the sun it was 7:00am. Usually he woke up way ahead of 7:00am, sometimes 4:00am. But not today, because he stayed up way too late last night planning a way to kill Naraku and get what he wanted from Inuyasha. Though this was still, to most people, early to Sesshoumaru this was equivalent to waking up in the afternoon. He kept himself on a tight schedule

'What demon or human would think of making such a racket in my castle?' Thought Sesshoumaru as he dressed and began his search to find this demon or human behind the song and rip him or her to shreds.

He followed the singing all the way down the long halls, passing his servants who looked at him with a mixture of wonder and horror. Most likely they were wondering why his hair was messed up and why he seemed angrier than usual.

Sesshoumaru's search lead him all the way in to the kitchen. He pushed open the doors and marched in. Letting them slam behind him, he looked from left to right to see who was singing.

"Hi, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Came a happy little girl's voice from in front of him.

"Good morning, Sesshoumaru."Came a light woman's voice after the little girl's from the same direction.

"What the hell is going on in here. And whats with the singing?" asked Sesshoumaru as he glared at both of them. His gaze went from the energetic little girl named Rin to the quiet priestess Kikyou. Both were standing by a small table laying out foods that they had prepared.

"Oh the singing," said Kikyou as she put a finger to her chin and gently taped it."We thought we would sing as we cooked. I hope you don't mind us cooking breakfast."

Sesshoumaru was about to reply with "By a matter a fact, I do" when he saw Rin's hopeful, sweet face and with a sigh sat down.

Sesshoumaru didn't eat food prepared by humans. That was a fact that everyone knew. He had always hunted for his own food, whether it was a fish or deer. But as he smelled the great food in front of him Sesshoumaru decided to try it for once. Just this once.

Both Kikyou and Rin sat down in front of him looking at him with interest, seeing if he would eat it.

Sesshoumaru, seeing as he just couldn't get up and leave, picked up his chopsticks, picked up some of the food off a plate, and ate it.

Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. After looking around to see they that they were waiting for him to say something Sesshoumaru decided to be nice. For once. Might as well since Rin looked like she was going to burst into tears if he said something horrible. While the undead priestess seemed to care about Rin's reaction and was going to try to kill him, in his own kitchen, if he said something horrible. "This is very good, thank you."

"He liked it! He liked it!" Rin exclaimed as she jumped up and down.

"I'm glad" said Kikyou simply and quickly, like the moment was about to decide judgment day. And on some levels it was. Sesshoumaru could see that Kikyou had been prepared to give him a "purifying punch" upside his head if he said the wrong thing. She simply put her hands back in her lap and smiled as Rin continued to jump up and down.

"Where's Jaken?" Sesshoumaru asked once he finally noticed that the toad wasn't around. Jaken usually hung around him like the plague.

"Well Sesshoumaru-sama..."Started Rin until she got interrupted by a muffled voice and mysterious scratching sounds coming from the fireplace.

All of a sudden, down came a tied up and gagged Jaken. He spit out the gag and started yelling, "Master Sesshoumaru, these two humans tied me up and shoved me up the fireplace!"

"Is this true?"asked Sesshoumaru.

"Well, if he hadn't been so mean we wouldn't have had to," said Rin.

"If I hadn't been so mean! There's no way Master Sesshoumaru would like your human food!"

"Yeah, he does, toad breath!"

"Toad breath! You little human brat!"

"Don't call Rin a brat, toad poop!"

And on and on Rin and Jaken argued.

"Tea?" asked Kikyou.

"Yes." Sesshoumaru felt like he was going to have a headache.

It was just another regular morning.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **I hope you liked the first chapter. The next chapter should explain a lot more. I know Sesshoumaru was very occ and about all the spelling grammar mistakes that was in this. So you don't have to review telling me that. It also made no sense but the next chapter should explain everything. I fixed some mistakes and sentences to make this more readable. I made this first chapter a long time ago.

Since I no longer watch the anime I'm now reading the manga. But since it costs money, I'm not up to date. So don't try to ruin it for me by saying that this part happened here or there. I already ruined for myself by reading spoilers on some sites. Just think of this story as an AU (alternate universe) fan fiction where the ending to the anime/manga never happened.

Just leave a nice review. Tell me what you liked and disliked as long as its not a flame. And by like and dislike I don't mean the fact that this is Sesshoumaru/Kikyou, or saying something bad about me, or even something thing that doesn't have one damn thing to do with this fic! Just leave something that has "mostly" to do with it. And I do accept constructive criticism.

Now review. :)


	2. Spring Chapter Two

**Author's Notes:** Wow its been so long. At least a year or so...Wow hard to believe. And this and Gift Of Humanity and some other fic I canned (threw away or deleted) was my first fics I ever started on. Gift Of Humanity was the first, then this one, and then the one I canned. Through I canned one and finished Gift Of Humanity, I just didn't have the time tell now. But now that I'm back I'll answer some questions (or statements) I received in my reviews. Well for the reviews I received on the site Sesshoumaru fan fictions.

First of all, I'll answer some questions/concerns from one of the first people to review Four Seasons. The first site I posted this fan fiction on is the (long dead) website Sesshoumaru Fanfictions. This should help explain the setup of this fan fiction: I will not get a beta reader, I want to do all my fics all by myself because that's the only way you'll ever learn how to do anything is by DIY. And this will not be in diary format. Because I have no experience writing in diary format and I don't like it. So this will be in third person limited point of view . Which means you'll know what Sesshoumaru's thinking and what he says. And of course the first chapter was going to have some mistakes, like come one here, this was one of my first fan fictions! If any of you do read my work on you should know how bad the first chapters of Gift Of Humanity was.

And for the rest of my reviewers...Thank you so much! If not for you guys I would not have continued this!

The rating may rise up to PG-13 in the future. This fan fiction is broken down into parts based on the seasons. Each part is 4 chapters long.

Enjoy.

* * *

Four Seasons

Spring: Chapter 2

What was the old saying? Raining cats and dogs? Not quite, but two people in Sesshoumaru's group were starting to sound like a pack of wild animals fighting.

"Lord Sesshoumaru! Wait up! Ofop-"yelled Jaken before he fell into another puddle.

"Jaken fell again!"exclaimed Rin As she stepped over the little toad and ran to catch up with Sesshoumaru.

"I know."said Sesshoumaru as he glanced over his shoulder to see Jaken getting up and hitting Rin on the head with his staff. Rin turned around and yelled at him along with trying to take his staff. Sesshoumaru turned around and kept walking.

'I don't know whats worse, this rain, Inuyasha, or stopping every few minutes so they can go at it," Sesshoumaru thought as he tried to block out the sound of Rin and Jaken's argument.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Wait up for Rin!"yelled Rin after him as she walked away from Jaken, who was face down in puddle again.

Sesshoumaru stopped walking, but not because of Rin. He sensed a familiar presence nearby. 'There nearby... Inuyasha and his wrench...'

"Rin, Jaken, stay here." Sesshoumaru commanded. Jaken nodded even though he was face down in a puddle. Rin nodded her assent as well. Sesshoumaru looked at the path in front of him for a moment then kept on walking, following the presence of Kagome.

Or so he thought...

Half a hour later of walking Sesshoumaru came out of the woods. Sesshoumaru had now come upon another a small path almost overgrown with weeds and forgotten. Looking around he narrowed his eyes as he knew he was close to who he was trying to find. The only problem was the rain. It was clouding his senses, so he couldn't exactly tell where his target was, much less see them now that the sprinkle of rain had become a downpour. It really was "raining cats and dogs" now.

Narrowing his eyes, Sesshoumaru walked further out into the path and looked left and right. Looking to the left, he saw a large oak tree that was almost in the path itself. From his point of view Sesshoumaru could see the shoulder of the woman he was looking for. Sesshoumaru walked around the tree until he could see who was sitting there.

He wasn't expecting the person sitting at the tree's base.

Huddled in the roots of the tree, clutching her knees to her chest, was a woman dressed in red and white that looked almost like a almost drowned kitten wit er big, sunken brown eyes and wet, matted hair. From the looks of her, she had been out in the rain longer than he had. But if it bothered her she didn't seem to notice nor mind. Any normal person would have been inside by now or at least shivering from the cold or they had caught from staying out in the rain, yet she didn't move or seem to feel anything.

As Sesshoumaru stood in front of her the woman slowly looked up at him. Seeing her face clearly for the first time Sesshoumaru realized he had made a mistake.

"You are not Kagome."

"No, I'm not."

The woman before him smiled, just a small smile barely noticeable unless you had keen eye sight. Sesshoumaru was about to turn around and walk away, but her hand shot out and grasped his.

"Wait, if you are looking for my copy, then your looking for Inuyasha..."

"Yes, you guessed correctly human." Sesshoumaru said with a tone of disdane at the physical contact with the human woman before him. He shook his hand quickly from her grasp. She stood up and glared at him with more with interest than anger in her eyes.

"I am not a human, at least not anymore...Plus you must be Sesshoumaru, the lord around here,"she said. Sesshoumaru gave her a glare of his own. Normally he would have killed her just for touching him, but her bravery and her connection to Inuyasha kept him from slaying her.

"You have once again guessed correctly, and who might you be?" Seshoumaru asked. He kept his thoughts to himself, but Sesshoumaru thought that knowing who this woman is might be to his advantage in the fight against Inuyasha. At the very least she could point him in the right direction.

"I am Kikyou. And it is a pleasure to meet you Sesshoumaru. You were who I was looking for."

Sesshoumaru wasn't surprised by her words, lots of people came to him. Even humans. His interest in Kikyou began to wane as he began to dismiss her as another silly human come to ask a favor of their lord. But he would go along with her for now. Kikyou could serve as an amusing distraction at the least.

"And why were you looking for me?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"I was looking for you because I hear that you are trying to destroy Inuyasha. We both have our own reasons, but I also want to see his demise. He will die by my hands, but if we work together we can have what we both want a lot faster. That and you seem to need a babysitter..."

Sesshouamaru's remaining hand itched to slap Kikyou for her arrogance when he heard Rin's voice.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Jaken's drowning! Oh...who's the pretty lady? Wait this pretty lady is the same one that helped Rin before! Hello pretty lady!"

Kikyou laughed and walked past Sesshoumaru before he could react. He turned sharply around to see her kneeling in front of Rin.

"Yes, I remember you. You were the sweet little girl I saved awhile back. How are you doing...Rin was it?" Rin nodded and Kikyou laughed and continued. "Well you know what Rin? You and me are going to get along and become good friends. My name is Kikyou and I will be joining you and Sesshoumaru. Is that alright with you?"

Rin nodded, hugged Kikyou, and then jumped up and ran over and hugged Sesshoumaru too. After doing so she looked up at Sesshoumaru's now frowning face and said:

"Does that mean that your married? Is Kikyou-sama is Rin's mother?"

Several things went through his head.

All his thoughts jumbled together as, for the first time in his life, Sesshoumaru was at a loss for words. His thoughts basically consisted of: What the fuck, Whaaaaaaaaaaat, She's going to die, I'm not her father, I should kill them both, Jaken's going to find himself in a grave for not making sure she stayed put, and finally, What the hell? She is not coming along!

But in the end none of these things came out of his mouth since by the time he was ready to yell at Kikyou and Rin both of them were farther along the trail and Jaken, who had suddenly arrived, was face down in mud with Kikyou's arrow sticking out of his back.

"Sesshoumaru, hurry up now "husband" or else your going to catch a cold. Oh, and I hope you don't mind that I killed you servant. He was annoying. I'll buy you a new one for a wedding present," yelled Kikyou to him over her shoulder.

"You are not my "wife" you little bi-"yelled Sesshoumaru at Kikyou. Also for the first time in his life, Sesshoumaru lost his temper at a mortal.

"Sesshoumaru-sama was about to say a bad word" said Rin to Kikyou. Kikyou laughed and looked at Sesshoumaru over her shoulder and couldn't stop laughing from what must have been the look on his face or her own joke.

"Yeah, he was, but luckily he knew that he should use some manners and stop acting like a dog."

If not for Rin, Sesshoumaru would have strangled Kikyou with his bare hands. Inuyasha or no Inuyasha, the only reason Kikyou lived was because Rin looked happier with her than he had ever seen her with anyone else besides himself.

"But Sesshoumaru-sama is a dog." Rin turned her head to the side in confusion while Kikyou almost doubled over with mirth and Sesshoumaru looked like he was about to explode.

* * *

**Author's Notes****: **And that's how Sesshoumaru met Kikyou. I decided to add a little comedy at the end. Sorry if Sesshoumaru and Kikyou are too occ or if anything's misspelled.

Feel free to leave a review!


	3. Spring Chapter Two and a Half

**Author's Notes: **This time I'll put the review thank you's on the bottom of the chapter. I had planned to continue how I wrote this chapter out in my notebook. But I decided to do something different and copy the chapter but fix some mistakes and change some parts of it.

Warning: For some reason, when I first wrote this in 2004 I was a big fan of songfics and including songs in fan fiction. So there's singing in this chapter too! I left it in since it was part of the original chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but I am borrowing the characters for this fictional work.

* * *

Four Seasons

Spring: Chapter 2.5

The sun was shineing with the cheeriness of spring. Everything was at piece with nature except...

"Agggh! Why Lord Sesshoumaru...Why..."

"Oh shut up Jaken, Rin didn't have you carry too much flowers so you're not going to die!" Rin yelled at the ugly little toad that had just fell sideways from the weight of ten pounds of flowers, branches, and pretty rocks Rin has found.

Sesshoumaru looked over at the scene and said nothing. If Jaken died from that then he deserved it. Turning to look at the priestess at his side, he saw that she was laughing. Kikyou turned her head to look at him and frowned.

"What?"

"Nothing..."Sesshoumaru replied to her question. 'Why was I looking at her in the first place...'

Kikyou turned back to Rin and Jaken with a confused look on her face that melted away in a instant. Sesshoumaru also looked at Rin and Jaken until Kikyou stood up and dusted the cheery blossoms off of her. She walked away from cherry blossom tree and Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru stood up also, told Rin and Jaken to stay put, and followed Kikyou.

'Where is she going...And why do I care anyway? Shouldn't I be the one to just tell her to leave?' Sesshoumaru thought. For some reason, ever since she joined him in his traveled, he couldn't get her out of his mind.  
She frustrated him to no end with her arrogance and her moods, but he didn't tell her to leave. He somehow couldn't. Through there was plenty of reason for him to tell her to leave, she was constently mocking him, was turning Rin into a mini version of herself (which was actually a good thing considering how Rin could now stand up for herself), and...and...

She was too much of a distraction.

Sesshoumaru followed her scent (See? He is a dog!) tell he reached a clearing in the forest. Their he could see her looking at a large tree in front of her. With a melancholy look on her face she started to softly sing.

"Through I try to find out what you mean...

I end up falling short.

If I really loved you would you be besides me?"

Saying what you don't mean...

Maybe I'm wrong to make that assumption.

Smiling when you don't mean it...

Maybe it was only in my mind.

Oh, if you could only see the real me.

When we met, we would've taken a different path.

If all you see in me, is what you can't see,

Then you are mistaken.

I am just what your looking for. I am you.

Saying with a passing breath, "Ah, that's true happiness!"

Through I try to find a meaning of your words,

I end up falling short.

Don't say we will see each other again. You're not that person that you use to be.

I've already been hurt...Yet I want only to be hurt again by you.

Looking without meaning...

You're looking toward something unreachable.

Lies...Maybe they're the truth.

If you could see what I'm thinking.

When we met, we would've never felt this way.

When we met...I would've never felt this way...

When we met..."

Kikyou turned around when she heard Sesshoumaru clapping.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough...I didn't knew how to sing. You're quite good,"Sesshoumaru said. He wasn't answering her question, but at least it wasn't a insult.

"Thank you..."Kikyou said as she looked down at the ground at their feet.

'I guess this is the first comment on her talent that she's received...' Sesshoumaru thought to himself. A question popped into his head, "The person your talking about in the song is it Inuyasha?" Kikyou looked up and seemed shocked at his question. She put a hand to her throat and looked away again, unusual behavior for someone usually indifferent to the opinions of others.

"No...this song...it's for-" Kikyou started to say, but was interrupted as Rin came running in at that moment.

"There you are Sesshoumaru-sama! What were you doing with Kikyou-sama?"Rin asked.

"Nothing,"Sesshoumaru answered."Lets go. We're getting closer to where Inuyasha is."

"Okay!"said Rin. She ran ahead of Sesshoumaru to head back to the path they had been on. Sesshoumaru turned around to one last time to see Kikyou still standing where he had found her. She didn't look at him.

'If she still has feelings for that half-breed brother of mine...Then I'll have to end them before she ends up sideing with him at the last moment,' Sesshoumaru thought to himself, yet he didn't think about the implications of his idle thoughts or what they would mean for both himself and Kikyou. He turned away from Kikyou and continued walking, saying over his shoulder "Kikyou, hurry up or you will be left behind."

Hearing Kikyou's footsteps and her voice saying sorry for not being able to keep up, Sesshoumaru felt strangely relieved. He watched Kikyou catch up to Rin and smile at the little girl. Rin immediately smiled back and Kikyou let Rin hold her hand.

'If she still has feelings for him...then where does that leave her feelings for me? And why am I even asking myself this...' Sesshoumaru thought as he watched the two humans in front of him and the falling petals that rained down upon them.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Okay I'm sick and have to go to bed early, so don't blame me for spelling mistakes. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and didn't mind the singing part. Oh and the lyrics are mine. I made them myself. So that means I better not see anyone else saying that they made them or posting them up on or off the web. If you want to use them (not like you would) then email me. Oh and I think I'll call the lyrics..."When we met". Yeah that sounds like a good title. :)

Well please review. As long as you don't complain how sort this chapter was. Because I'm not feeling artistic at the moment.

Now, review.


	4. Spring Chapter Three

**Author's Notes: **Wow I'm finally doing something different. Usually I update on the order of what is in the fifth or last spot on my author's page on , but this time I decided to do something different. That and Ayumi Hamasaki's song "Duty" really made me update.

Well in this chapter, we turn away from comedy (yes, you heard right, "away FROM comedy.") and turn to serious fan fiction. The comedy will be back, but this chapter calls for something different. This fan fiction won't get too dark compared to some of my other work, like Darkness for example. That one doesn't really have a happy ending on any of the chapters.

Disclaimer: Read my lips that you can't see! I-don't-own!

* * *

Ch.3 Spring

"So where are we going Sesshoumaru?"asked Kikyou. They were walking through yet another forest once again led by Sesshoumaru. Who once again wouldn't say anything about where they were going.

"To find my brother, Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru said matter of fact. She already knew his goals so why ask? 'My "dear" brother, finally I will be able to get what's rightfully mine.'

Sesshoumaru had heard from some "lesser" demons that Inuyasha, his wrench Kagome, and his companions had been seen around this area.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama!"said Rin while tugging on his sleeve.

Sesshoumaru sighed and looked down at the young girl. Sometimes she could be too annoying for her own good. "Yes, Rin."

"You didn't hear what Rin said,"said Rin.

Another sigh. "What did you say, Rin?"

"Rin said that Rin sees something ahead of us."

Sesshoumaru looked where Rin was pointing and saw a statue. It was made out of stone and was carefully cut to look so life like that a regular person would immediately mistake it for a real woman if not for the gray stone. From the eyes to the bottom of the dress, everything on it was perfectly detailed. It was standing on the edge of a cliff facing a valley below them.

"What a long way down,"said Rin as she glanced at the ground below them and latched onto Sesshoumaru's pants leg from nervousness.

Sesshoumaru also looked down the cliff and into the valley below. He saw a village before them.

While Sesshoumaru was scanning the village, Kikyou read out loud what the plaque at the bottom of the statue said: "Goddess of Protection, may this village be always in prosperity... I guess they have this statue over their village in hopes of protection."

Sesshoumaru finished scanning and sighed again. Another waste of time, he wasn't here. "It seems he is no longer here, lets go."

"What's the point of leaving here when we just got here? Can't we at least get news on where they are heading next and new supplies? That and it would be a good idea to let certain members of out group rest."

By "certain" members Kikyou meant Rin, who could use the rest. Even if it didn't show on her face, walking for days must be tiring for her.

Sesshoumaru sighed for the third time today, why did everyone and everything have to be so difficult? "Fine, for a little while. But only as long as it takes for me to get some information and new supplies. Through I would rather destroy the village, take what I want, and beat the information out of anyone that survives."

Kikyou smiled. "I know, but sometime in the future you have to learn how to be a GOOD doggie."

Seeing as they were going to start another argument, Jaken spoke up on a question that he had been waiting to ask anyway. "B-b-But my Lord, how will we get down from here?"

Sesshoumaru glared down at the annoying toad and replied, "Jump, of course."

"Oh...Jump..."said Jaken while falling into a dead faint. There were two things he didn't want to do, even if they meant following his beloved lord, get in between him and an argument with Kikyou and be thrown down a cliff. Both of which, from his experience, was a determinant to his health.

Sesshoumaru sighed for the fourth time, a testament to how long and tiring this day had been. Things could only continue going down hill from here if he had to drag everyone down one measly hill. He picked up Jaken and threw him at the village. After Sesshoumaru heard the thud of his body hitting the ground, he told Kikyou and Rin to come to his side.

Kikyou and Rin did as Sesshoumaru asked them to and Sesshoumaru made a cloud materialize and they flew off the cliff they were previously on to the ground below. Now they were only a stones throw from the village they had glimpsed only seconds before.

Sesshoumaru, Kikyou, and Rin stepped over Jaken's body as they went through the village gates and into the village itself.

Heads turned to see the strange foursome that had recently entered the small peaceful town. A demon, a child, a priestess, and another, smaller, demon. People next to them started whispering about the who they were or if they meant the village harm. Of course they tried to do this by maintaining a safe distance from the group. Those that had them raised make-shift weapons int heir hands, ran away, or cowered in their homes. Rin looked around nervously, so Kikyou gave Rin a reassuring smile and said, "Don't worry, every thing's going to be alright. We'll get some supplies and quickly leave." Rin smiled at Kikyou's words of comfort and nodded her head to symbolize that she understood, but she still seemed nervous.

The village, was nothing special. It was like the many villages that Sesshoumaru, Kikyou, Rin, and Jaken had come upon before. And just like before, the humans that they walked pass cowered in fear of Sesshoumaru.

But instead of walking happily behind him as usual, Sesshoumaru noticed that Rin was clinging to Kikyou's hand and his pants leg nervously.

"Rin."

Rin looked up at Sesshoumaru's voice. "...Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?" It was clear that she was still very nervous.

'What should I say to calm her down?' He had never really asked Rin her opinion or ask her how she felt about anything. So it was a little strange to suddenly ask her now. Nevertheless it had to be done.

"Is something wrong?"

Rin looked down at the ground, then back up at him, her face serious beyond it's years. "There's something wrong with this village. Rin doesn't know, but Rin feels it."

* * *

Sesshoumaru did not pursue the matter of what Rin felt. As soon as Rin said those words Kikyou, who may or may not have been listening, pointed out the mayor's house and left them to set up some way for them to stay there. Which ended up with her finding out that tomorrow they were hosting a festival and Kikyou making up some lie about how the festival grounds needed to be "purified" and "cleansed" in order for them to host such an event.

The mayor eagerly agreed for them to stay. He didn't even ask about the two demons in the priestess's company. Though the rest of the large household and the village seemed to be gossiping about them.

Sesshoumaru sat on the porch outside of their rooms. They had the whole half of the house to themselves.

Earlier he had checked on Rin to see how she was doing. She was still nervous, but at least now she was sleeping. Jaken was missing, probably pissed off Kikyou and would need to be revived later. And Kikyou was performing part of the "purification process." Which evolved a couple of made up words, regular water, though the villagers didn't know that, and some strips of paper with mystic words written on them.

Sesshoumaru twirled a small flower in his only remaining hand. It was a red wildflower which Rin had given him a day ago. Though it was dying, it's brilliance still seemed to shine. In many ways it was like Kikyou. She too was dying.

Footsteps, light and quick, filled his ears. He didn't look up as Kikyou came into the courtyard outside of their rooms.

He expected her to say something important like she usually did when they were alone with no one else around them to interrupt anything that "might" or "may" happen. Such words as "might" or "may appealed to him many times when he and Kikyou were alone.

For instance, he "might" just decide to kill her or tell her to leave him. Or for instance he "may" just decide to... To do what? What "may" he do? That was a question which left him without an answer unlike the many times when he was sure of what he was going to do. Sure of his place in the great scheme of things, sure of where he was going and what he was doing, sure that tomorrow would be another day and old wounds, old scars, wouldn't heal and that new ones would be made. That "may" seemed to suggest that maybe there was no tomorrow. That "may" seemed to suggest that maybe tomorrow she, Kikyou, would leave. That "may" seemed to suggest that he would feel sadness at her leaving him or dying. That "may" also seemed to suggest that he should, just "maybe" hold onto this moment by holding on to her.

And for that, the word, the very thought of "may," made him confused about his true motives for having Kikyou at his side. Yes, that "may" was and would be the only time he would be confused, Sesshoumaru would see to that.

Kikyou shifted her weight from one foot to the other, the sound of her feet and the household behind them seemed very loud. Why didn't she just move past him or say something? She couldn't possibly be shy.

Maybe she was surveying the courtyard around them. It was beautiful. Not one of the most beautifulest things he had ever seen. But it's cherry trees, already in full bloom, and rich well manned grass and small neatly arranged patches of flowers and bush were still quite lovely. But still, it wouldn't take one this long to admire it. Would it? How long had it been? Time seemed to have stopped.

'That's foolish. Time can't stop.' Sesshoumaru thought to himself, unsurprised when that feeling, confusion, over took him again. How could she in these moments do that to him? What power did she hold over him? But the more he thought about it the more confusion set in and unhinged something rusty, mistreated, and unused by him for long ago. Something that didn't care about the mission he was on, that she was a human, or that he was a wandering king after his brother's sword.

To break the confusion, Sesshoumaru, with his head still slightly down and observing the flower in his hand like it was the greatest thing on earth, looked up at Kikyou through his bangs and the shadows which had crossed over his face.

Kikyou was looking away, at the cherry tree to her right. Her arms were neatly folded around herself and she seemed to be in a deep thought. There was dirt across her forehead and cheeks and on her clothes as well as on her hands. Her hair seemed to be falling out of its usual ponytail, several strands coming out of the loops of hair resting on her shoulders to drape down across her hands and breasts. Kikyou sighed then, still looking at the cherry tree, as a faint wind blew and scattered some of the trees blossoms on the ground further away from the tree itself. Whether Kikyou was aware of him studying her or didn't care, her mind was unreadable by either her eyes or face. Her eyes seemed to be looking faraway to some place which he couldn't see and her face was downcast with a emotion some would call melancholy.

But to him, she just looked like a tired woman back from the fields. A regular tired woman with some faint memory to dwell on. Maybe the memory of how her and her lover had met or when her child had first walked or maybe even the memory of yesterdays successful work in the fields. Even with the robes of a priestess on her she in this moment, which would linger through the rest of the day and maybe forever in his aged mind, looked like a regular woman in red and white.

And that, seeing her as a regular woman and not some powerful priestess trying to use him, shook him down to the core to that place where that rusty, mistreated, unused, something (for there was no name which he could seem to find for it-his heart) dwelt.

Kikyou, perhaps sensing his unease, turned her head to look at him. The faraway look was still in her eyes, but it seemed to be fading as her eyes fell upon the familiar shape of his body and the colors and shapes that made it up. Sesshoumaru sat up straighter and let their eyes meet each other. And for the first time-

Kikyou looked as confused as he felt. And once again that misused something in the back of his mind seemed to become just a little more unhinged.

Kikyou broke the eye contact and looked at the ground. She opened her mouth to speak. What Sesshoumaru expected her to say was something along the lines of the events of today or about Inuyasha, for whom they were hunting and whom she still had feelings for. Instead she surprised him by saying:

"What is it that you expect of me?"

Sesshoumaru looked back at the flower in his hands and made a small sound that was almost a laugh to ease the strange feelings that were surfacing. "I don't expect anything of you other than your assistance."

Kikyou's hands tightened their hold on her elbows and then stopped. Kikyou looked slightly to the right again at the cherry tree. These gestures somehow hurt in a strange way that he couldn't explain.

When she next looked up at him, her eyes seemed unfocused. Later he would tell himself that they were watery but probably because she was tired and not because he had hurt her in anyway.

With those "tired" eyes on him she said in a shaky voice that was quite unlike her: "Yes you do! You do expect something of me and I'm afraid! Afraid that I can't supply what you need! I can't supply it..."

During her words Sesshoumaru had meant to say something, something about her being foolish, but at the last part he was left, for once, breathless.

Kikyou put a hand to her eyes, gave a shaky sigh, and ran past him and into the cold emptiness of their chambers. The only thing signifying that she had been there at all was her scent.

And that, like so many other things this day seemed to continue to unhinge some very old being in him till he too left the courtyard and headed inside, her words following him all the while.

_I can't supply what you need!_

Sesshoumaru walked past the door in front of Rin's room, seeing it but not really seeing it. Next was a closet, then the dinning room, his own room, and look here the room leading to more meaningless rooms!

_I'm afraid_

'Why?'

_expect something of me_

'Expect what more than your assistance?'

_What is it that you expect of me?_

"I don't know what to expect of you..." Sesshoumaru finally said out loud in a whisper. Unconscious that he was doing it, Sesshoumaru started picking apart the flower in his hands.

* * *

It was night, and that brought some comfort. A while ago the servants had brought in some food for them. The servants had smiled and presented the food, put it gently on the table, and then left after bowing. All the while with that fake smile on their faces that was a pitiful attempt at masking their fear. None of them said anything or gave any excuse from the mayor as to why they weren't eating with him and his family as proper guests would.

Sesshoumaru perfectly understood why. Because they were unwanted guests, because the two humans that were here were in the company of demons, and because they were fearful of him. But fear still didn't get rid of the hate and the hate and fear was why they were here eating in the company of themselves.

Not that he minded any of this, he was used to it. Far too used to it. Part of Sesshoumaru wondered why he just didn't kill them all and be rid of them and their false smiles and kindness. But he knew that would complicate things and that Kikyou was right, Rin was tired and they couldn't move on with out least some supplies and information.

Sesshoumaru glanced at Rin, she seemed paler than usual and was only picking at her food. Concerned, but not asking of her welfare, Sesshoumaru let his eyes linger on her and then turned to look at Kikyou.

Kikyou also picked at her food, but that was probably because she really didn't need to eat. The only reason why she did eat was to comfort Rin and not let her know what she really was. Sesshoumaru had never asked her reasons for this. But it was obvious that this decision affected Kikyou in some way emotionally. Playing at being human seemed to bring more pain than rewards, Sesshoumaru guessed.

'Like her decision to ask me that question affected her today,' Sesshoumaru thought with a faint hint of sarcasm. Was he angry at her? Yes he was, but he was more angry at himself for not having anything to say, and for not retorting with sharp cold words and ending the whole thing with a much safer feeling. A feeling that he could deal with other than this uneasiness hanging over them all.

Sesshoumaru let his eyes wander around the room, Jaken was no where to be found. And this at least created a topic.

"Where is Jaken?" Sesshoumaru said with a slight raise of an eyebrow. He really didn't care about where the little toad was, but he served his purpose as a whipping boy and a servant.

Rin looked up, her eyes very large and the whites very red from lack of sleep. "I don't know my lord," she said quickly and then looked away fearfully. Which was very unusual because Rin never seemed to be afraid of him. Sesshoumaru felt like asking her why she was suddenly afraid of this place, a question even popped in to his mind, but then it was batted away. He could question Rin when she was feeling better.

Sesshoumaru turned to look at Kikyou. Kikyou continued to look down at her plate, eyes not meeting his. Finally she shook her head in a small no. Sesshoumaru sighed, looked away and left it at that.

Dinner was over and the group finally split up. Rin had went back to her room and Kikyou to her room. The same mood at dinner, silence with a hint of something desperate to be told lingering under the surface, lasted throughout the few odd moments that the three of them spent after dinner watching the servants come back in and clear away the plates. Finally they watched the stars from the same courtyard that Kikyou and Sesshoumaru had "talked" in earlier.

Sesshoumaru stayed up for awhile after Kikyou and Rin had went to bed. His ears picked up on the soft labored breathing of the inhabitants of the house. Everyone seemed to be asleep, but what about Kikyou? Did she even need to sleep? He had never been with her in the night so he didn't know.

Finally Sesshoumaru headed to his own room. Closing the door behind him he started to slowly undress. It had been a long day.

_There's something wrong with this village._

_What do you expect of me?_

_doesn't but feels it-_

_I can't supply it..._

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes at the voices and held in his breath then slowly let it go. Was he going crazy? Why wouldn't they all just leave him alone? Why couldn't he leave himself alone and stop thinking about unnecessary things? Tomorrow they would leave this village and things would return to normal. Everyone was just acting weird today because they were tired from the long journey.

Crawling into bed, pulling the covers up to his chest, and then rolling over to his side in a attempt at sleep, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes only to open them as another onslaught of voices seemed to fill his head and room. Softly growling at the disturbance, he gave up and rolled onto his back to look at the ceiling.

Why, oh why, couldn't these events leave him? What were these voices trying to prove? That he didn't have the answers to the universe? Okay, alright, he didn't.

But Rin and Kikyou's strange behavior, or his own for that matter, was so out of character tonight. Rin's he could explain, or try to explain, but Kikyou and him?

The look she gave him.

'She was just tired.'

Her words.

'Part of her being tired.'

Him being affected by any of this.

That seemed to affect him more than Rin for some reason. It was almost like something was trying to get him to go over the day over and over again. And it wasn't just that.

Since when had he gave a damn about what sort of relationship him and Kikyou had?

'Since I-' A small sound interrupted his thoughts. Someone was outside of his door. Sesshoumaru sat up and reached out for his sword, narrowing his eyes at the shadow that fell across the wood and paper door. Finally his eyes recognized the curves that made up the person, it was Kikyou.

'What is she doing here?' Sesshoumaru thought while trying to keep back those unsettling feelings within him that always seemed to follow the priestess around like her scent. A mixture of the smell of earth, with a rot underneath like molted leaves and dying flowers, like the kind that always seemed to accompany her and Rin wherever they went. When he first met her, he had thought she smelled like Kagome when in fact all the human smells such as sweat, blood, even more unpleasant body oders were absent leaving only a smell uniquely Kikyou.

A long silence seemed to pass, but in reality it was only thirty seconds. Kikyou made to turn away, Sesshoumaru stopped her by asking:

"What did you come here for?"

Kikyou turned back toward the door and the sound of his voice. "What do you want me here for?"

"I didn't summon you."

"Really?" Kikyou asked, some faint hint of her old teasing self back. Now Sesshoumaru could see that she wasn't dressed as she usually was. The shadow usually cast by her heavy robes seemed to be replaced with something more simple and light.

Sesshoumaru looked down at his own self, this wasn't looking good. "Really, I didn't summon you priestess."

"Then tell me this demon, before I leave," Kikyou continued. "Do you know the answer to my question yet."

_What do you expect of me?_

Dull anger from her question flared up. "No, I don't have an answer and I won't have one for you during the daylight hours either!"

Kikyou raised a finger to her lips. "Careful demon, you'll wake the girl."

Sesshoumaru growled out at her, "Don't tell me what to do!"

Kikyou shook her head and laughed a little. "You haven't changed at all, not only that but you act like Inuyasha sometimes. You remind me of Inuyasha sometimes..."

Sesshoumaru stood up and tied the sheets around his waist. This was going to end right now. No one got away with comparing him to his brother. No one.

Sesshoumaru had just stood up when Kikyou opened the door. Her eyes traveled over his state of dress and her face flushed slightly, her eyes seeming to glow with the same amusement which seemed to taunt him day in and day out since they met. That very same feeling in her eyes filled her voice.

"Sorry, next time I'll knock."

Sesshoumaru moved with out thinking and grabbed her shoulders, bringing her toward him and flinging her and himself down toward the bed with him ending up on top of her. Sesshoumaru growled down at her: "What the hell do you expect of me Kikyou, huh? Is this what you expect?"

Kikyou's eyes widened and she moved to get out from under him, but that only made things more complicated as the lose knot which held the light, white robes which she was wearing started to come undone, revealing her shoulders and legs. Her movements caused Sesshoumaru to bear down harder on Kikyou so their faces were only inches a part.

Kikyou's eyes traveled over his face, her eyes becoming liquidity again with anger and a very small amount of fear at what the situation presented. But her voice was all fury. "LET GO OF ME!"

"No, not until you answer my question!" Sesshoumaru yelled back at her.

"Fine then, this is exactly what I expected! You're nothing but a demonic bastard that cares for nothing but himself! You don't care about my feelings or Rin's! To think that I even thought for a second that I felt for you... Me saying that you are like Inuyasha is a understatement, you're more like Naraku!" Kikyou shouted at him. This caused Sesshoumaru to loosen his grip on her. Kikyou put her hands on his chest and attempted to push Sesshoumaru off of her. Sesshoumaru, his anger returning, reached out and grabbed one of her wrists, pulling it over her head. Kikyou cried out in pain as his grip on her wrist increased.

"I said let-"

"You bitch." Sesshoumaru softly said to her, something in his face making that faint fear in Kikyou's eyes seem to grow. "You fucking bitch. Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you now."

"Sesshoumaru, let go of my wrist!" Kikyou continued to yell and now he could actually hear the artificial bones in her wrist start to snap. But any feelings of restriant were fighting a losing battle with his more dominating nature.

With one last futile push, Kikyou gave up and looked away from his face and at the wall and the shadows. Kikyou bit her lip and started silently crying while whispering, "You're hurting me..."

Those words, those tears, that pained look she was giving the wall and not him, that seemed to put out the fires of his anger immediately. Sesshoumaru slowly loosened his grip on her wrist then let go of it entirely. Kikyou looked back at him, her brown eyes meeting his golden ones in a painful glance which spoke unreadable volumes.

"I really don't know what to expect of you...I don't." Kikyou repeated his earlier words. This made Sesshoumaru's eyes widen in surprise. "I don't know what to expect of myself either..." Kikyou closed her eyes and shifted beneath him, reminding him of their current position. Sesshoumaru rolled off of her and Kikyou stayed in her previous position, laying in a disarray on his bed. She gazed off into the distance, looking at the ceiling instead of him and her the last sentence directed toward herself instead of Sesshoumaru, "I don't know..."

And that was when Sesshoumaru looked toward the open door and finally noticed Rin standing there. Her eyes wide with fear and confusion (there seemed to be a lot of that going around these days Sesshoumaru noted) and her crying.

'How long has she been standing there?' Sesshoumaru asked himself and turned his eyes back to Kikyou who was still crying but had at least sat up and rearranged her clothes. Kikyou was cradling her injured wrist and studying Rin with a look of regret and embarrassment.

Rin's tearful eyes turned from Sesshoumaru to Kikyou and back again. Finally she spoke, "R-R-Rin had a n-n-n-nightmare!" The word finally spoken Rin fell to her knees with her hands flying up to her face as she now began to sob.

Kikyou gave him a look that said "we'll continue this later" as she flew to Rin's side. With her good arm, the wrist Sesshoumaru had grasped seemed to be broken, she hugged Rin and made some kind of calming, shushing noise. Rin hugged her like she was drowning and continued to sob.

Sesshoumaru brought his hand up to his head, letting it rest upon his forehead and over his eyes he sighed, "Will this night ever end."

* * *

Eventually, the night did end. Rin was calmed by Kikyou and taken back to her room. Luckily, or unluckily for Sesshoumaru, Rin refused to say when she had walked in on their little chat. Hopefully, she hadn't been their long, and even if she had she wouldn't understand the situation until she was older.

With nothing else to do after Rin and Kikyou had left, Sesshoumaru walked around their part of the house in still nothing really but the sheet that was still around his waist. His mind going over what had happened, but at least this time without the voices. Finally,as the light of dawn appeared over the horizon Sesshoumaru walked into Rin's room to see that Kikyou hadn't left Rin's side throughout the night. The two of them were sleeping, the both of them still hugging each other.

Sesshoumaru's expression softened slightly and he knelled down beside the two. After a minute of watching them sleep, his head turned toward the door to make sure that no one was there before he reached out and draped the blanket over them more securely. While doing this Sesshoumaru noticed Kikyou's injured hand which was starting to bruise. He looked more closely at her face to make sure she was really asleep and then he tenderly picked up her injured hand and laid it beside her as he ripped part of the sheet to form a bandage.

While bandaging his hand he thought to himself: 'What am I doing?'

Sesshoumaru answered his own question out loud, whispering into the early morning air: "I don't know." There was no reason to care for Kikyou's wrist. By tomorrow it would be fully healed after she claimed more souls. In fact, Sesshoumaru was surprised it wasn't healed already.

The bandaging finally finished, Sesshoumaru briefly stroked Rin's hair then left the room to get dressed and deal with the day and whatever it may bring.

(-)

"Whatever else you may need, don't hesitate to ask!" The mayor cheerily exclaimed after Kikyou's request for supplies was finally fulfilled. To Sesshoumaru she should have demanded that they give her what she wanted when she had ordered it yesterday.

Kikyou faked a smile and replied, "I'll be sure to." Then she turned back to her work of packing away some herbs and other medicines she had found or bought. The mayor's wife, a woman as fat and unappealing as her husband, glanced at Kikyou's bandaged wrist.

"Are you alright priestess? Your injures-"

"I'm quite alright," Kikyou interrupted, this time without the false smile. Sesshoumaru watched all this, this mindless chat, with a slight feeling of boredom. The only reason why he even bothered hanging around this place was for Rin. Sesshoumaru glanced at where Rin was playing.

The tree she was under was right outside of the mayors house. There were some flowers under it, but Rin didn't seem to bother with these or notice. She still was acting odd.

'Weird. This isn't like Rin at all,' Sesshoumaru thought to himself. That and Jaken missing. Kikyou was still acting out of character too. Usually she never let her true emotions show through. Kikyou seemed cold and emotionless to others but she was always careful to act cheerful in front of Rin, and she was always deliberately doing things to piss him off such as ignoring his orders or questioning his authority but never to the point that he had physically hurt her like last night. Sesshoumaru hadn't figured out the cause for all of this or why he acted the way he did. Usually he didn't lose his calm so easily. Seshsoumaru still couldn't bring himself to talk to Kikyou. Not that he wanted to apologize, a demon never ask for forgiveness for his actions, but there was still unfinished business between them.

Sesshoumaru walked over and stood in front of Rin. Rin looked up with a distant look in her eyes in place of the usually open wonder and innocence that used to be there. Finally he asked her if she would like to accompany him for the day. Rin nodded and slipped her hand into her own. The both of them headed back to town and left Kikyou to her work.

The silence which followed them through the town's main street was not from the town folks fear of him, but mostly from Rin. The few bits of information he did get out of the villagers, when they weren't pleading for their lives, weren't very helpful. But one part about a strange green and white clothed woman, a monk, a demon slayer, a fox demon, and a half demon with an attitude problem helping a village near by was useful.

During all this Rin had stayed in the same state of mind, withdrawn and silent.

'I'll just have to stay by her, maybe one of these humans around her are bothering her in someway.' So it was that Sesshoumaru and Rin spent the whole day together. Rin mostly just stared into space outside or walked around the entire house, looking for something but not quite finding whatever it was. Finally in the afternoon, close to sunset, Sesshoumaru had had enough and decided to ask her what was the matter.

"Rin."

"Yes Sesshoumaru-sama?" Rin replied, still staring into space.

Sesshoumaru said nothing for a few seconds, just observed her like he had been all day. Finally he said what was on his mind, "You're not yourself since we arrived here. Is something on your mind?"

It was a dumb question to ask, but it was a delicate situation. Best not to handle it without care. Sesshoumaru wasn't an expert when it came to the minds of humans, but whatever was causing Rin to act this way was obviously keeping her from stating what was wrong. Going for jugular wouldn't help him here.

Rin looked down and closed her eyes, still with her eyes closed she answered Sesshoumaru's question. "There's something here that doesn't want Rin to say."

"Something?" It was something, not someone, so what was bothering Rin wasn't human. But what was this something that doesn't want Rin to say something?

"The something," Rin looked up finally while saying this, her eyes suddenly unnaturally cold. "Wants to see that I'm protected by ignorance."

Sesshoumaru stood up from his sitting position by Rin's side. All of a sudden the air seemed colder outside and what was this aura? Surely it couldn't be coming from Rin. And she said "I'm," not "Rin." Her third-person speech was gone, replaced by a voice that sounded like an adult's.

Rin smiled at his stunned expression, a cold smile that seemed to be beyond her years. Speaking in an equally cold voice, "I would watch myself and my priestess if I were you. But you might not remember my warning. After all, there are many distractions..."

Sesshoumaru, still unnerved by Rin's behavior, knelt down and shook her by the shoulders. Rin closed her eyes and went limp after a few seconds.

"Rin?"

No answer, maybe she really was out cold.

Sesshoumaru picked Rin up and looked toward the house to see Kikyou leaning against the door frame.

"How long have you been standing there?" Sesshoumaru asked. He wanted a witness to Rin's weird behavior and someone to help him rationalize it. With all the voices and other weird events surrounding this land, Sesshoumaru felt it would be nice to know that he wasn't going crazy.

Kikyou's face filled with agitation and then seemed to relax immediately. It was like someone had cut the strings holding her up as her face went slack, and in a almost dreamy voice she answered his question. "Not long, I've just gotten here. Why, did I miss something?" The last part was spoken like her old self, but her tone of voice was wrong. Usually if something happened to Rin she would react immediately, even faster than Sesshoumaru did sometimes, to whatever distress Rin was in.

_You might not remember this moment-_

Sesshoumaru had the sudden feeling that that was true. Something seemed to want to push whatever he had seen or heard out of his mind. He shook his head to get rid of the cloudy feeling that was building up and then headed towards Rin's room. Sesshoumaru put Rin to bed and continued go over Rin's, or this "something's," words. Thoughts off consulting with Kikyou about what to do or asking her if Rin seemed not herself, or even if she remembered last night, went through his head. But Sesshoumaru dismissed these thoughts immediatly. It would be better to work as he always did, alone.

Sesshoumaru left Rin, who was still sleeping, and left the house. Kikyou was getting ready to help out with setting up the festival activities and booths, so she was nowhere to be found on the property and wouldn't notice his absence. Sesshoumaru headed out of the village with no real destination in mind. Finally reaching the cliff over looking the village he jumped up and landed in front of the statue that had greeted them when they first came here.

The waist high statue looked the same, motionless and realistic. But something seemed to be added to it or maybe they had missed this small detail before.

There seemed to be color to the eyes and skin. Its eyes now had white around the pupil and and the skin seemed to be turning a pale peach color like healthy, blushing, human skin. In the setting sun the statue almost seemed to almost be alive.

* * *

The only two reasons why they didn't leave the next day were this:

1. Jaken was missing.

2. And Rin and Kikyou both insisted to stay until they found him and they wanted to see the festival.

Sesshoumaru would have rather just left this cursed place and found a new servant. Even though the mystery of the statue and his companions behavior was tempting him to solve it he still didn't want to risk Rin becoming more unlike herself. But when those strangely cold eyes of Rin's fell upon him, somehow he couldn't resist saying yes.

Maybe staying here would damn them all, or not. After all, it was just a festival and this place didn't hold any power as far as Sesshoumaru could sense. But now that he was alone, Sesshoumaru was starting to wonder if that was exactly what this thing wanted.

He didn't believe in ghost or spirits of any kind. To him there were only three beings in this world, demons, humans, and the reanimated dead which Kikyou was. Sure, there was probably a hell. A hell that Kikyou had seen but not talked about, the very same hell that he himself and all creatures would go when they died. And there were spirits of the dead in that hell, but they weren't wondering around with out some kind of body haunting houses and possessing people in this world. That was impossible and the stuff of scary stories and legends.

So if it wasn't a demon and if it wasn't a human, then what was this thing exactly? Was Rin just playing a nasty trick on him? Maybe she was angry over what she had seen the night before last between him and Kikyou and was just trying to get back at him? But still, that smile, that look, and those words Rin had spoken were unsettling.

_I'm protected by ignorance._

_I would watch myself and my priestess if I were you._

_After all, there are many distractions._

"There are many distractions..." Sesshoumaru whispered to himself absentmindly. Distractions... What about them? What did Ring or that something she was talking about mean by that? And why did she say "my priestess" instead of "the priestess," or Kikyou-sama which is what Rin usually called Kikyou? But the way she had said the word "my" made it seem like Kikyou and him were-

'Me and Kikyou. Kikyou and me. That's it, that's part of this,' Sesshoumaru thought as he stood up and left his room after grabbing his two swords. This whole affair with Kikyou seemed too sudden. Those words she said, even though they sounded real, seemed out of place. Kikyou was part of the distraction. But why? And what other distractions are there?

Just as Sesshoumaru was passing the gate in front of the mayor's house, Kikyou and Rin seemed to appear out of nowhere. Both Kikyou and Rin had went out to buy clothing for tonight's festival.

"Going somewhere?" Rin asked, a faint, cunning smile of on her face. She was holding Kikyou's hand, the one that still had a bandage on it. In her free hand Rin held a bag filled with clothing.

Sesshoumaru, for the first and last time in his life, glared at Rin before answering her.

"Nowhere really. What took you so long?"

"It's not that late, there's still light out," Kikyou stated. Her eyes locked on to Sesshoumaru's and her gaze went past him, indicating the two people behind him. The mayor and a villager that Sesshoumaru didn't recognize.

Sesshoumaru turned half way around, not giving his back to either of them. The mayor, his eyes set in a sort of half assed determination with the man at his side, Rin with her predatory smile, and Kikyou who seemed almost like her self but like she was being held back from expressing herself fully. All these people may or may not be distractions placed convincingly at the right place at the right time in this game. Because it really was a game. But who was he playing against? And why was he playing?

'For Kikyou and Rin of course.' That simple answer came to his mind quickly. Yes, the game was being played for them and only for them. And if he won they would go back to their old selves.

And if he lost? That was something that he wouldn't think about right now.

* * *

The night was clear, not a cloud in the sky. The hours since the weird showdown outside between Rin, Sesshoumaru, and the two other humans present there, had long since past. For the moment Sesshoumaru had decided to play the fool. Pretend that he didn't notice the weird confrontation between him and Rin.

In the main room of their half of the house, Rin showed off a pretty pink and yellow flowered kimono. Sesshoumaru gave her his usual look of faint disinterest, and whatever affection he did frequently give her, and Kikyou didn't seem to notice the game they played. The thing that had taken a hold of Rin mimicked Rin's normal speech patterns and gestures while holding that knowing look in place. That cunning look that seemed to almost see past through the illusion he was weaving, almost.

Kikyou stood in front of the open doors leading to the courtyard. She was watching the both of them with a small smile neatly in place. She too was dressed up for the occasion in an indigo and white version of Rin's kimono. It reminded Sesshoumaru briefly of a mother and daughter and their relationship could be considered that. Maybe that was why this "thing" had chosen these outfits. Or maybe he was thinking to much. Was it possible that his thoughts were also controlled? Though how a statue, if the thing possessing Rin was the statue, managed to control so many humans, a powerful undead priestess like Kikyou, and possibly a demon of Sesshoumaru's caliber was a mystery to him.

It didn't matter, he would win this battle of the mind and so far he was winning. If lying is what it took to win then he would do it.

"We should get going," Kikyou said as she glanced at the rising moon. Rin looked away from Sesshoumaru and said something to Kikyou about not being late. Her words didn't seem to reach him because there was something else being added to this game.

Yes, a third party and it was someone he had been searching for too. Inuyasha.

Kikyou waved a hand in front of his face to bring him out of his thoughts. Sesshoumaru looked up as Kikyou repeated that they should leave for the festival. Sesshoumaru nodded his head and stood up. Yes, they should get going. Wouldn't want to miss this for the world.

Rin walked between them as they exited the house, she held both Kikyou's and Sesshoumaru's hand and for a moment seemed to be her old self.

But only for a moment.

(-)

The fairgrounds had been transformed from a abandoned field surrounded by trees into a maze of booths, activities, and people. The trees around all this had lanterns hung from their branches. The lanterns weren't really need though, the moon was uncommonly bright tonight.

The whole village seemed to be out for the event and Sesshoumaru noticed that there were not children or even teenagers among them. There were the old, the very old, and the middle aged but no children at all. Rin was the only one.

Sesshoumaru toward the cliff over hanging the village like a bad omen. The statue seemed as alive in the moonlight as it had been yesterday, if not more so. He didn't need his extraordinary eyesight to tell him that the statue had become more human like.

"I wouldn't look too long if I were you, it might just steal your soul," Rin, the thing inside Rin, looked up at him and said. Sesshoumaru looked back down at her with disdain, wondering what would happen if he left and abandoned Rin to chase after Inuyasha. Maybe Rin would always stay this way, and then what? What would he do, kill her?

'I couldn't.' The thought didn't need to be gone over twice.

Rin broke away from both Kikyou and Sesshoumaru then. With one last coy look at Sesshoumaru over her shoulder, she disappeared into the crowd. The very crowd which Inuyasha was probably searching through for a shikon jewel shard and possibly for him.

Kikyou started to follow after Rin, a look of worry spreading over her features. Sesshoumaru reached out and grasped her arm, turning her toward him.

"She'll be fine."

"But-"

"Kikyou, I really want you to..." Sesshoumaru paused in mid sentence . Really what? Wanted her to stay out of the events which were unfolding around them? Wanted her to stay away from Rin, or whatever Rin had become? Yes, all of the above.

"Want me to what?" Kikyou asked, missing completely the look of worry that passed over his eyes since she was still staring into the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rin.

Sesshoumaru sighed in frustration. Sometimes Kikyou asked too many questions. "I really want you to not come to harm."

"What?" Kikyou said and turned to finally look him in the eye. Her eyes were unreadable for, no pain or hidden emotions just a willingness to listen to him for once.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, visualizing all the possible outcomes of tonights events. "I want you to stay out of this. Don't ask what this is, you already know."

Kikyou broke away from his grip. This time the look of worry that passed over her features was not for Rin, but for himself. "What are you talking about? What do I know and what do I need to stay out of?"

'Great now she thinks I'm crazy.' Sesshoumaru thought and looked toward the crowd, it seemed that several people had taken an interest in their conversation. Most of them had the same look that the mayor gave him that afternoon, as if they were scared but determined to go through with some plan. They were all in on this. All except Kikyou.

Sesshoumaru took hold of Kikyou's arm again and started walking away from the fair grounds. Once they were far enough from the crowd, he turned toward Kikyou again.

"I don't have time to explain."

"I think you better make time then." Kikyou said dully. Her iron mask had come down. Kikyou's expression was a mixture of disbelief and growing anger at being kept from her goal of following Rin.

"If you do know what I'm talking about then nod your head." It was a stupid command, but who knew if some thing or someone was still listening in on their conversation.

Kikyou nodded her head slightly toward the crowd.

"Good. Stay here. Don't leave even to chase after Inuyasha. It's possible that he's a trap."

"I know," Kikyou said. "But I'm coming with you."

"No," Sesshoumaru replied. It was out of the question. Kikyou couldn't come with him. She might still be under the statue's control and then he'd end up fighting her too. "Stay here. If something happens to me you have to save Rin."

Kikyou's expression softened and she said, with her old teasing tone back in place, "So you do care. Though being a hero doesn't suit you."

Sesshoumaru, glad that Kikyou was still Kikyou, decided to leave then. Kikyou reached out and stopped him. Their eyes met and Kikyou gave a word of warning:

"Be careful. I'm not saying it for your welfare, but for Rin's. Don't hurt her."

"I won't."

Sesshoumaru looked down at Kikyou's hand which was still holding on to his arm. Kikyou's face colored slightly in a blush as she continued: "And... Never mind, I don't have time to explain."

"Then make time."

Kikyou let go of his arm and smiled ay him playfully. "Maybe later. I'll join you soon. There's something I have to take care of. Don't worry, I'll leave you to deal with what's possessing Rin. Don't get distracted."

They left each other then, both going in the opposite direction. Sesshoumaru paused in front of the crowded fairground, considering which was more important and hating himself for having to even choose.

On one hand there was Rin. There was something going on tonight, some ritual maybe, that the villagers seemed to be going along with and didn't want him to interrupt. This was more than just a ordinary festival and tonight might be the only night that Rin could be saved.

On the other hand there was the opportunity of finally kill Inuyasha and take what was rightfully his, the Tetsusaiga.

Pondering over what choice to make was a waste of time. Time he couldn't afford to lose.

_Don't get distracted._

Yes, don't get distracted. That was exactly what Kikyou and Rin had both seem to point out. Inuyasha was just another tempting distraction. Rin was the main objective.

Sesshoumaru walked into the crowd with the intent of finding Rin.

Pushing through the crowd seemed almost too easy. No one gave him any trouble. Not like they could give him much trouble anyway. It seemed that now a wave of silence had fallen over the crowd and most of the people stood looking dumbly up at the moon while the rest seemed to be watching him warily.

'When did I become so popular and where the hell is Rin?' It couldn't be that hard to find a little girl in a crowd of adults. But this place was messing with his senses. If Inuyasha was here he would have ran into him. The village was small and even a half-demon could pick out the aura of a demon in a crowd of humans. And if Rin was really in this crowd of people then why can't he point her out?

Sesshoumaru pushed past an old couple and stumbled upon a clearing in the middle of the crowd. Once in this clearing the silence was broken an onslaught of voices. Some muttering, some screaming, some talking, yet not one person had opened their mouth to speak.

'They aren't talking, they're-'

His thoughts were interrupted by a childish giggle to his left, Sesshoumaru turned in that direction to see Rin crouching in front of a booth. Rin had one hand over her mouth and the other hand was wrapped around her stomach as if this was the funniest moment on earth.

Sesshoumaru stepped toward her and that was when everything seemed to disappear. The people, the trees, the village, everything.

Somehow he wasn't surprised. "This was never here to begin with was it." This creature must be a master of illusions to fool Sesshoumaru.

Rin, or what ever was mimicking her, stood up and nodded.

"Then what is this? What's the meaning of this?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"The meaning is that we're playing a game." The being inside Rin stated in a flat monotone voice. "It's the very same game which this village was lost in long ago."

"And what does this have to do with me?" Sesshoumaru asked, fury clearly in his voice.

"A games a game, it doesn't matter who or what the players are. Whether it's a game of love."

_What do you expect of me?_ Kikyou's voice seemed to whisper everywhere and no where at once.

"A game of wits."

_The something wants to see that I'm protected by ignorance. _Now it was Rin's voice that seemed to echo across the vast empty field and through his head.

"Or a game of war. But I get bored of war easily. Especially since I lost a game of war. And that's why you're here."

"I don't get it. I'm here because you got bored and decided to screw around with the my life and the lives of those close to me," Sesshoumaru stated.

The being in front of him smiled, a smile that reminded Sesshoumaru of Rin's sweet smile. "If I wanted to "screw" with your life and those close to you I would have already just killed the priestess and this body. But that would be a shame. It's nice to be a child again. But at least I tried that maneuver."

Sesshoumaru laughed bitterly. "So that was what happened to Jaken. And here I thought he had enough sense to leave."

"So how shall we do this then? I would hate to have to kill a child but-"

The spirit in front of Sesshoumaru interrupted him. "Don't lie! You would have no qualms killing me if I didn't own this body."

"You don't own Rin's body, you're borrowing it!" Sesshoumaru snapped. This only caused for Rin's possessed body to smile another alien smile of cold amusement.

"Fine, you're right, I am borrowing it. And since I am I think we should reenact the very battle which I lost. A battle against two opposing forces. You represent evil, power, wrath, everything which is needed in a demon. And I on the other hand have that and more: cunning, mental power instead of physical, and neutrality. I'm not evil or good...I just exist in much the same way your priestess, Kikyou, does. It's not the perfect mix, but it'll do. I don't think I can lose against a demon this time. Last time I did and everyone died." Rin's face seemed to darken at this. "But this time I have nothing to gamble and you have all to lose."

"Are you finished?"

Rin, the being inside Rin, nodded. "There are two rules. One, we can't physically hurt each other. Two, the first person to lose their mind loses and at which time will leave this plane of existence along with any person who is also involved in this such as your friends. Do you agree to these terms?"

"I'm tired of hearing you talk."

The creature before him smiled, and then the world seemed to drop out from under Sesshoumaru. An enormous pressure built in his head. Voices attacked him from everywhere, and with them came images going too fast to even process. Every sense he had was stretched to the limit.

How long had this game been going on? Hours maybe minutes? At first nothing seemed to be happening except for a few mutters in the back of his head, but now it seemed that these voices seemed rise to a unbelievable pitch. Some of them were his own, some other people in his life, some old some new, but all of them seemed to be trying to split his head open with their cries and the memories that accompanied them.

The first time he had killed a demon.  
The first time he had killed a human.

The first time he had started to hate his brother.

The first time he had held a sword.

The first time he had been defeated by Inuyasha.

Various scenes that were both first experiences, old memories, and recent ones along with some made up scenarios by the other "player" of this game. Alone they wouldn't be this painful, but together they seemed to be as damaging as a sword blow. Each one seeming to try to split his head open, increasing in force.

If he was fighting back with anything, which Sesshoumaru was unsure of, he seemed to be losing.

And all the while the girl across from him smiled. She seemed to be unaffected by all of this. But of course she had years of practice to increase her power, Sesshoumaru on the other hand hadn't even thought that such a thing as fighting with your mind was possible. The full force of this attack brought him to one knee, hands cupped over his ears as they started bleeding.

"Shit, I'm going to lose." The words were both absurd and appealing all at once for some mad reason. A part of him felt like giving up if it would make the pain, the memories, and the voices stop. Maybe this was one of the many building blocks to going insane.

"Don't get distracted, isn't that what I told you Sesshoumaru?" Kikyou's voice seemed to separate itself from the others, it was almost like she was actually there. "You're not going to lose this game because you never agreed to play in the first place."

That wasn't-no-that was true. He hadn't agreed to the rules, he had just started the game. It was such a simple solution that Sesshoumaru was amazed that he hadn't figured it out in the beginning.

He could break the rules if he wanted to. Nothing bound him to them.

Even with the pain he was experiencing, Sesshoumaru managed to draw his sword and charge at the possessed form of Rin. Rin's eyes widened and then narrowed into a baleful glare, and suddenly he was flying backward, hitting the ground with such brute force that the voices stopped and something, maybe his hip, snapped.

"Damn..." Sesshoumaru cursed through clenched teeth, now what? This thing seemed to be covered from all angles. The voices made it so he couldn't think properly, the girl was well guarded by mental shields, and the pain would probably slow him down.

"It's not just the pain, you hesitated."

"You're not helping Kikyou." Sesshoumaru hissed out.

"It's the truth. Stop seeing her as Rin and start seeing her as the enemy. That's not the real Rin! The real Rin-" And this time, Kikyou's voice seemed too close, in fact he could actually see her standing a few yards away from him and the being in front of him. Sesshoumaru couldn't tell if she was an illusion or not. "-is right here!"

Kikyou stepped aside and revealed the true Rin. She seemed to be sleeping. Along beside her was the body of Jaken.

"Is this-"

"Real?" Kikyou interrupted and smiled. "Of course. I don't lie. Plus, didn't I say I would join you soon?"

The spirit in front of him let go of it's disguise. What had once been an almost perfect copy of Rin turned into a human version of the statue on the hill. But instead of hard stone there was cold grey eyes, black hair, human skin, and real clothes made out of colorful fabric from a bygone era. She really was a little girl.

The spirit turned to glare at Kikyou, probably even try to do to her what she had just done to Sesshoumaru, and that was when Sesshoumaru got back on his feet and impaled the spirit on his sword.

Shock flew across her youthful features, shock and anger at having let up her attack for a second. The spirit's eyes glanced down at the sword that was through her stomach then back at Sesshoumaru. "Once again I've been beaten, I should have knew better than to believe a demon!"

Kikyou raised her bow, an arrow notched and filled with energy. As Kikyou let go that arrow Sesshoumaru pulled his sword from the spirit and jumped away from it.

As the holy arrow hit the spirit, the girl's face seemed to go from rage to relief that this game she had been playing for decades was finally over.

A flash of light and the town was back to where it had once been, but with a major difference. The town was nothing but a burned out shell now, a ruin of times long past.

Sesshoumaru didn't even need to look to see that the statue of the "Goddess of Protection" was gone. Without the spirit possessing it the stone was in the same state as the town before them and had crumbled into dust.

'It's all over, this is reality,' Sesshoumaru thought to himself, his eyes staring at the place where the girl who had tormented him had been. All that remained was a burnt circle of ground to state that she had even been there. That and the headache which Sesshoumaru was currently going through was too painful to be a dream. Probably a side affect from the events that had just unfolded.

The sound of Kikyou dropping her bow and arrows along with the site of her Shinidamachuu with fresh souls brought Sesshoumaru back from his thoughts.

That and Kikyou embracing him, causing that pain in his back and sides to flare up.

"You won, and here I thought you were a stupid mutt!" Kikyou screamed, on purpose, in his still bleeding ears.

"Shut up for once! Can't you see I'm in pain?" Those were unnatural sentences from him, but when you have the worlds biggest headache you could afford not to be yourself.

"Awww, does the doggie want some aspirin?" Kikyou asked in a sickeningly sweet, mocking tone.

"Get the hell off of me!"

Kikyou looked up at Sesshoumaru and winked. "You know you don't want me to get off, come on, how about we continue what we were going to do last night."

For a moment Sesshoumaru didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but then the memories of that night came back. "You know that was all made up right?"

"Maybe," Kikyou said seriously.

"Why do you like to mock me?" Sesshoumaru asked, bring his hand to his temples to rub at the ache there.

"Because I never got to mock anyone in real life. I never had the chance to joke around or have friends. In some ways I'm like that girl that you just fought."

Sesshoumaru looked into Kikyou's eyes. "I wouldn't compare you to her. I'll take you calling me a dog any day compared to that."

"Awww, that must be the headache talking. Seriously, I've had enough of teasing you after this. I think that girl took all the fun out of it. Poor thing, in real life she was the only defense this poor village had when it came to dealing with demons. Her psychic powers were the only thing that could keep away the demons that used to dwell around here. But she was still just a girl no matter how powerful she was, so when a demon as powerful and cunning as her came along she was easily beat at her own game. So when we came upon this phantom field with Rin, who's just about that girl's age, and a powerful demon lord she decided to use us to even the score of her past defeat. Not even I could completely block out all of her powers, my mind was as unprepared for this as yours. But at least she has found some sense of peace, even if it isn't the peace she wished for at least she won't be bound to this place for all eternity. I feel sorry for her... We didn't even get to know her name" Kikyou explained, turning to look at the place where the girl once was.

"How do you know all this?"

"I know because now that girl's soul now rests within me. Let's get out of this place after you're fit to move."

"This is nothing, let's leave now." Kikyou nodded her head at Sesshoumaru's words and let him stand on his own two feet.

"Alright, but do something for me first."

"What?"

"Don't revive Jaken till you're better," Kikyou said with a tone of disgust for the little toad seeping into her voice. The two had never got along.

Sesshoumaru agreed with Kikyou's statement as she handed him a couple of herbs that would ease the pain that he was going through until his demonic healing powers finished healing him.

Things were back to normal, and yet things weren't. The feelings that he had for Kikyou these past days...were those part of the "game" he had been engaged in too?

'It doesn't matter, not now, because this moment is real. Whatever I felt back then, and what I feel now, will just have to wait.'

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Yes, I finally finished this chapter! Finally! It took me three days.

This chapter seems to be more full of mystery and suspense than other chapters of this fan fiction, two things which I love writing. :) Sorry for anyone that's confused or was let down by the ending. I needed to end it somehow and I decided to go out with comedy. Or some sort of not funny comedy that appeals only to me. I made Kikyou into some kind of joker, but I guess it fits the story because through half of this she was acting strangely depressed and serious. So after all the events that happened it seems to fit that she would greet Sesshoumaru with a joke to drive home that fact that it's finally over.

Though I tend to sometimes write Kikyou out of character, it's fun for me to imagine what she would have been like if she had been allowed to live life like she pleased. I think she would have had some sense of humor, maybe a wicked one considering how her poker face makes it so no one can really tell what she's feeling.

And no, I don't hate Sesshoumaru, I just like to mess with his character. I don't think there will ever really be a Sesshoumaru hater. And if there is I have yet to meet him or her.

Well I hope you guys liked the chapter. I know I enjoyed writing this chapter.


	5. Spring Chapter Four

Author's** Notes:** Let me take the time to thank the two people who have reviewed this story. (If you want you can skip ahead to the chapter below.)

Lonely-dreamlover: That's for the wonderful review. Reviewers like you come only once in a lifetime. I love long reviews that explain and point out so much. If only everyone could review like that. :) I haven't forgotten about this fic, I just had no ideas or motivation. Thanks a lot for saying this chapter was good, I was a little worried about it. And angst, romance, and humor is a great combo, no? lol And I know I have a lot of grammar errors still. I'll try to improve my grammar in the future chapters. But I was surprised to read that this chapter had portions that made you feel something. That's a really big complement for me. Until now I thought I could never be able to write emotions in my work to make the readers feel something. Hope you like this chapter.

Cold-Kikyou: I'm glad you liked that chapters. :) I hope you also enjoy this chapter.

Jazzy Uchiha: Wow, that's probably the first time anybody wrote that they loved any story I've written or said it was the best. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed reading these chapters.

ProtoBlues: Yes, yes, yes, "Lord" would be more appropriate, but this story isn't about Sesshoumaru's huge status as "Lord of the Western lands". It's more about his "feelings." Ugh, writing this sounds crappy, but I don't care. I'm not going to translate "Sesshoumaru-sama" into English for story reasons. I don't have enough time to go around and change every "-sama" into a "lord." I also, now that I'm much older and fixing these author's notes (story first written in 04, now editing it in '12) I feel that using Japanese terms, words, or phrases randomly isn't for every fan fiction, and maybe that includes mine. But since I started using "-sama" long ago I'm going to continue using it to keep the story together. It's gotten tot he point where I don't even notice it.

But the even more bigger question is this, **did you like my fan fiction?** Because you and someone else (whose name I can't remember) seem to have only reviewed about this issue and only this issue. If you ever review again, saying something about the story would be nice instead of complaining about the use of "sama" vs. "lord."

Ninalee-chan: I'm glad to receive another long review, really I am. It's the best thing I can receive right now. Especially since not a lot of people write honest long reviews nowadays. And yes, I'm back, finally. The last chapter was long, but worth it and I enjoyed writing it. Chapter 3 was, when I first wrote it, probably one of the best chapters I had ever written for a story (for 2004 at least). Thanks for saying I'm doing great in the mystery/intrigue. I don't notice it at the time, but when I re-read my work with parts like that in it I get nervous, I don't know how the audience will respond to it. Will it be "encore!" or "boo?" (lol) Sorry if I made you two confused in some parts. The cherry blossom part was the greatest part of that chapter, it was defiantly my favorite too. I'm glad you liked it and thought it was poetic. The comedy part still seems a little weird to me, maybe I'll try to blend the humor a little bit more. But as long as people get the joke it's fine (I think). I love poking fun at Sesshoumaru because he's so serious and he needs to lighten up. At least Kikyou and Rin are trying to change him. I wouldn't want Sesshoumaru completely under my mercy, because if he was this would be very different. lol Thanks for you review, your responses to this story mean a lot to me.

Anyways, back to the chapter.

This chapter deals with Sesshoumaru's personal life as well as a little of Kikyou's. It also has to deal with demon royalty, prejudice against humans, marriage laws, and other stuff which I'll probably have to make up.

Oh and before we start, should I change the rating to PG-13? This question has been bothering me, so if any one has some thoughts on it please review and tell me.

Thank you.

* * *

Spring, Chapter 4:

It was raining on the day he met Kikyou and the day he met his father's second wife.

Though on that day it was raining harder and there was hail too. It wasn't at all like this light sprinkle now. Even when he had stood inside, observing the "newlyweds," the wind was blowing so hard you'd get drenched by just opening a window.

Not that he had minded the rain or the pain, if there was any, of seeing his father make a fool of himself and disgracing his mother's memory by remarrying a human woman. And, most importantly, by getting the human pregnant.

Maybe, in a more modern word, people would call this jealousy sibling rivalry, and the normal stages of anger and resentment that comes from a parent remarrying against their child's wishes.

And he did wish that his father had never remarried, that he had never met that human wench at all, that she had never gotten pregnant and that his mother had never "vanished." That his father held more respect for himself, tradition, and most importantly his oldest son then for such foolish things such as love. Which was the root of all evils.

Many times in those early days he had asked himself: _Doesn't he care at all? Doesn't he **love me **at all?_

A lot of the time he didn't have an answer to his own questions. He couldn't understand what his father really thought of him, even now. But when the "human wench" had finally given birth and now he had a brother he finally understood. His father had stood over his second wife and "Inuyasha" with that idiotic, too humanl, grin that he now hated and associated with his father. That time, that time the cold part of him, which would finally take over every cell in his body had answered his questions:

_No. He doesn't give a damn and he **doesn't** love you._ _And if you think he does you're fooling yourself. Those times are long gone, and maybe,_

Now the eerie monotone voice that would become his own seemed to drip with self righteous anger.

_and maybe he never did._

That voice, that voice was right. If Sesshoumaru had to pick a moment, it would be this moment when he stopped being a boy and became his true self. A demon that holds more affection for honor and power over any other emotion. A man that would never smile like that, destroy his image and disregard everything for love a man that would never love a human. Never.

But now was now, and those times-those memories-no matter how real they felt in their nostalgia were gone.

Sesshoumaru looked up at the dark sky overhead, how long had he been out here? It seemed like just a few minutes, but in reality it had been half an hour. Only this place seemed to have the ability to make it seem like time had stopped.

These flowers in, what used to be his father's, palace garden had changed. They used to be violets, but now they were tulips, still the same color but very different. The tree that he had fell out of when he was very young had been destroyed a few years ago in a violent storm. The grass was shorter then it used to be and the garden seemed to have gotten a new gardener.

But these cobblestones underneath his feet and the palace itself hadn't change at all. The cobblestones were still the same gray, square pieces of rock that had been underneath him when he had walked through the gardens with him mother, on the rare days that he didn't have to study or listen to lectures about "manners and etiquette." They were the same cobblestones that him and his father had sat on when his father had finally wanted to have an overdue talk about "mating season." Even though they both knew about that and there really was no need.

In someways he hadn't changed at all since that day when he watched his father and his second wife walk into the palace as a couple. The day when his father had become lost to him. Those years were probably the only years in which he had really felt anything, either anger or sadness. Until now.

All these things passed through Sesshoumaru's mindas he looked straight up into the gray storm clouds in the afternoon sky, oblivious to to time once again.

A red parasol blocked his view of the the sky, Sesshoumaru blinked and then looked to where the owner of the item was standing.

"You're going to catch a cold," Kikyou simply said. Her mouth was upturned in the barest of smiles, a smile which spoke of some secret to be known perhaps. It was a secret smile that she seemed to grace few. Unlike her open, "everything's fine" smile that she gave Rin and the other children that she played with this smile seemed to be more downcast.

'Was she watching me?' Was the question that popped into Sesshoumaru's mind If she had been watching him then he had been so lost in his thoughts that he had completely left himself open. That was, sad to say, embarrassing. Sesshoumaru always made sure to keep his guard up, so for Kikyou to sneak up on him was rare.

"Do you like it here? I do, the gardens are beautiful. I especially love-"

What ever else she said seemed to be of no importance. It was just another filler conversation that they had when it was only the two of them and they weren't on the road chasing Inuyasha. Any moment now he would either tell her to leave him alone and bother someone else or just respond with some pointless sentence aimed at the subject which she was talking about.

But not this time. This time was a tense time, spring was nearing an end and he needed to make a decision.

"If you don't have something important to say then go."

Kikyou, with that secret smile still in place, moved the parasol so that they could both see the sky once again. The rain seemed to be stopping. "I assume that you're just letting your guest wait out here because you don't want to deal with whatever they're going to whine about, right?"

"Guests? Damn, I forgot about the council!" Sesshoumaru, who very rarely forgot anything, gritted his teeth slightly at how absent minded he had become by just coming back here on this day.

Usually he had avoided the day his father and his stepmother wed. Sesshoumaru usually came back home in the earlier months of spring to take care of his kingdom's problems. But this time he had been forced to come back. Forced because he couldn't avoid this meeting or postpone it. And maybe seeing to business would get rid of that nagging voice in the back of his head saying that he had come back so late because because of Rin and Kikyou. Not that the voice wasn't right, lately they had made him so absent minded, but listening to it gloat with mirth was almost too much to handle. Sometimes Sesshoumaru seriously wondered if he was going mad.

Some of his feelings must have shown on his face because Kikyou said, "I thought something like this might happen so I simply told them you had some more important matter to deal with and they were shown to the guest rooms."

"You did this?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kikyou rarely did anything for him unless it was for the benefit of Rin. Or at least that's how he thought of her kindness. Why else would she care?

"Yes, besides they were starting to get...fussy." Kikyou replied, her smile growing slightly. Sesshoumaru glanced at her with his own small, barely noticeable, smile. She would never completely lose her new found sense of humor.

"And what did they say when you turned out to be a hostess?"

Kikyou cleared her throat and then spoke in a deep growling voice: "A priestess? What have you done to our Sesshoumaru-sama?"

What indeed had she done to him that he would find himself laughing at her impression of one of his council members. The world certainly was a strange place after all if a demon and a human woman could stand together laughing over a joke.

But thinking about her as a human on this day was unfair and disturbing. Kikyou wasn't human. Not anymore. She was the living dead, a soul devour made of the most impure clay and bone. Everything about her was artificial except the small part of her soul that was hers. But even thinking about her like that suddenly sickened him. Kikyou was much more, so much more.

"Sesshoumaru?" Kikyou said, sounding grave suddenly. Sesshoumaru looked away from the sky and back at her, hoping that his thoughts wouldn't show on his face again.

"What is it?"

Kikyou turned her eyes to look directly in to his, her earth toned orbs seemed to be form a soul piercing stare. "Is it true that you're getting married?" The last part was spoken after a brief pause, and it seemed to him that her voice took on an almost broken quality. Though that could have been an illusion.

'How did she find out about that?' Sesshoumaru asked himself. It was true. He was getting married. The traditions and laws clearly stated that by the 50th year of kingship, if the king was unmarried, then he would have to choose a bride. This was put in place because of the fear of assassination, death, and life endangering illness. Without a heir to the throne it would, at least, take about 15 years to sort out paper work and look up any immediate family or any lovers that the previous king had . Even if you did do all that there would still be a lot of red tape left over; and for years afterward practically everyone would claim that they owned the throne. A civil war could break out.

So to avoid all that Sesshoumaru was going to greet and marry a noble demoness. Right now, he was too meet with several candidates and make his choice at the end of the week, And then he would be married and his throne safe. End of story.

Even though he didn't want to it was expected of him, and without getting married he would never really be considered the true king. Already some doubt and suspicion was arising because of his long absences. And king or no king, the people still mattered. Though something in the back of his head begged to differ with his reasons for going through with this (Story Note 1, see end of chapter.)

_You're only doing this because you hope that this feeling will stop. That you'll stop caring more about the humans around you then yourself and your duties. You want all this to go away, all these new emotions and all these doubts. Because if they don't go away, you'll become just like father. Won't you?_

'That's-'

_Won't you?_

There was something he could have said to counter this insistent voice, but he lost before he could even put up a fight. And what good would it have been to argue with himself?

So instead he turned toward Kikyou. Kikyou had been talking to him, saying something rapidly. This was unlike her, Kikyou was never flustered. Her hand was constantly going to her eyes like they were on fire, and this was even more unlike her.

It would have been good for Sesshoumaru to just try to block out his "other self" and try to listen to the rest of what Kikyou was saying. But instead he said the most horrible sentence in the world.

"What were you saying?"

Kikyou's hand dropped from her eyes and she swerved her head around to glare at Sesshoumaru. A glare which, if looks could kill, meant sudden death.

"You don't care, do you?" She accused. And before Sesshoumaru could say, "care about what," the parasol was pushed into his chest with a surprising amount of force. Sesshoumaru didn't even attempt to try to grasp on to the thing, he just let it fall to the ground and watched Kikyou leave. And she was leaving in a half walk, half stomp that said "I ain't stopping for no one so get the hell out of my way". Kikyou turned back once she reached the porch and glared at him with an even more intense glare if it was possible. The words that came out of her mouth were like venom:

"Sesshoumaru, you're a REAL asshole. And I hope you choke to death on your wedding cake you pig. In fact, I'll be laughing so hard when they burn your body that I'll probably go crazy and jump right in as well. You jackass, burn in hell!"

And with that she turned on her heel and headed inside, leaving a partly stunned Sesshoumaru.

Not knowing how to deal with this situation in a way that would not end with death, either Kikyou's or his own, Sesshoumaru put his hand to his forehead and let out a long howl/groan of frustration. Why was dealing with that woman so difficult? He thought that having an emotionless woman like Kikyou around would be easy, yet like all women she was a bundle of impossible to decipher emotions and feelings. Smiling one moment and glaring daggers the next. The only things that responded to that were actual dogs and the rain which began to start up again with even more intensity.

* * *

The light down pour became a storm which lasted way into the night. And so did the council's meeting because of the "slight" delay. But that was all behind him now, the meeting was over and all the details that went with it. Everything had been decided by his iron will.

It was simple really, way too simple to fall into old habits. Including blaming everything on someone else.

It wasn't HIS fault that Kikyou decided to be a, for lack of better term, bitch towards him. Even though he was really the one that acted like, again for lack of better term, a bastard. He should have listened to her instead of ignoring her for his personal angst. Even though, again blaming her, it wasn't his fault the woman had to go on and on about unnecessary things.

It wasn't his fault that he didn't have the Tetsusaiga already in his hands, that was Inuyasha's fault and not his own abilities fault.

It wasn't his fault that his mother had died, that was...that was... Oh hell, that was his father's fault and none of this had to do with him anyway. This stupid palace just gave him bad memories, the damn thing should be burned to the ground.

But all these things, all the the blaming, the cold demeanor, the silence, wasn't going to solve all his problems. But it was just too easy to give in. Too easy to fall into old habits. And now, lying his side on the porch floor in front of the garden, that had made him so happy in younger years and where Kikyou had stormed off, with the rain and the wind beating against him, Sesshoumaru had time to reflect on his old habits and what had happened this afternoon.

After Kikyou's outburst Sesshoumaru stood screaming at himself, not out loud of course though a few trees were shattered by his whip, till the anger left and then went to summon the council members. After they were all together and seated in the main hall the meeting went on as was scheduled.

If there was any questions regarding where he had been they were quickly killed by Sesshoumaru's expression and the cowardice of pathetic men who would like very much to keep their heads. The last time someone had asked him a question about his personal life was when the youngest (and most stupid) member asked him why he had that "human brat" with him and then, seeing Sesshoumaru rising to anger, tried to laugh about his remark.

Needless to say, he was taken away to be executed. A King's business is his own. Since then no one asked about who he traveled with or where he went. Even when he showed up with Kikyou, not one person had the guts to ask why she was by his side.

As a now wiser council stood before him, Sesshoumaru listened to them repeat what had happened in the past months and waited for them to get to the point.

Finally one of them, an old demon with a very long and unkempt beard coughed and produced a long list from his pocket. The list was written upon ancient parchment and still had the remains of wax from Sesshoumaru's family crest.

The ancient demon coughed again and then lowered his eyes in respect and also to squint at the words that were mere inches from his nose. Finally he began his long speech in the a formal language known only to demons of the Dog clan:

"The past of this great age preceding and after the great war which split this brilliant land demands certain rights and rules by which us, children of the western land, much obey by penalty of death and loss of honor, pride, and above all, soul."

This part was one which Sesshoumaru never really believed in. Your soul could never be lost by not obeying a few rules.

The elderly demon continued. "Soon this life will fade, the skies will cease to set, and great destruction will come down upon us. But before this, we the proud Dog Clan (see chapter notes at the end of chapter) will continue to obey this code. Which states as follows..."

The list of "sacred codes" went on and on until the demon finally got to the point.

"And finally, law 568 states that on a demon king's () 50th year that said demon king must wed a woman of proper birth. This woman must also obey by the codes, be able to birth children, and pay homage to our gods. This wedding IS (this emphasis was made from a coughing fit by the reader of the list) required. If the king fails to wed then great calamity will come upon us."

At this point the elder demon lifted his eyes from the list to look briefly at Sesshoumaru as if to make a point. Sesshoumaru just growled for him to continue and dismissed the look. On a normal day he might have done something about it, but this day was not normal and Sesshoumaru didn't feel like getting blood on his robes.

"Anyway...oh yes, where am I? Oh right, marriage! Ahem! It is the king's duty to prevent such an event from happening by continuing the line of royal blood. The selection of wives is vast and a queen can be chosen from anyone across this fair continent as long as they previously were and/or from the west. This period of selection will last till-"

_You decide to stop this nonsense! _

Which was true, he could stop this at anytime. Didn't a king have the right to alter a law at anytime?

"And at that time the woman chosen will be announced to the public and will at that time-"

Why he could just stand up right now, stop the reading of this ridiculous speech, and declare that he was changing the law so that it would be 100th instead of 50th year..

The council member, seeing that he wasn't paying a single ounce of attention to this, stopped reading and looked up from the list. "Do you want me to stop reading Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Continue." Yeah, right. It wasn't that simple to change a law. He'd have to convince all these nit wits to go along with him. He could threaten him and get what he wanted, but after another 50 years this annoying conversation would repeat itself and he'd be forced to choose a bride.

"Ahem! The wedding ceremony will take place after the announcement of the chosen bride. At which time the sacred vows will be spoken and a sacrifice will be made. After that chanting will begin for prosperity and the couple will be left to themselves."

By " left to themselves" he meant sex. It was a common fact that that's what happened at the end of any wedding ceremony. After this part Sesshoumaru would get ready to leave the next day in order to find Inuyasha. So life would go on with or without him getting married. The only difficult part of this was the fact that he felt that there should be something more to it and that he shouldn't just toss half of himself away to someone that would never make him laugh like Kikyou does.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Speaking of which, maybe that was the reason why he could never seem to be able to really give any thought to the subject of what to do with Rin or Kikyou during all of this. He had just assumed that they would stay out of the way and be ready to leave after this is all over. But the truth of the matter was that both Rin and Kikyou seemed to have changed since they had arrived here.

Rin was becoming quiet and withdrawn again, but thankfully this had nothing to do with possessed statues this time. And Kikyou was becoming irritable and seemed to be trying to talk to him about something important. Somehow he never had the time or the patience to listen to Kikyou or spend time with Rin. Everything seemed to center around this wedding which he didn't even want.

"Lord? Are you alright?"

What he had really desired was the Tetsuaiga, and not marriage. For nearly all of his adult life he had been in pursuit of the Tetsusaiga and nothing else. Everything had been done in order to reach that goal. His very body and mind had been absorbed in finding completeing this one goal.

"Sesshoumaru?"

But now that one goal had been pushed aside for other goals like: Kill Naraku. Take better care of Rin. See Kikyou. Etc

These little goals had started to block out the first till suddenly Sesshoumaru was waking up one morning without the usual thought of even trying to get the Tetsusaiga. And that was the last straw.

He had to know what he really wanted. This indecisiveness couldn't last forever. Did he want a life with Kikyou and Rin, a life with plenty of hardships but an acceptable life none the less, or to rule his father's kingdom?

Did Kikyou's tears mean more to him then his own desires? Did Rin's happiness mean more to him then his own life?

Would he continue to be this way forever? So unsure of his life when just a few months ago he had been so sure of it?

"Sess-"

Sesshoumaru looked up at the mention of his name for the 30th time, causing a wave or relief to go throughout the room. For a minute there, it looked like the council had been wondering if he had fallen asleep with his eyes open, or died and left them to deal with fifteen years worth of paper work. Sesshoumaru on the other hand just wondered where his mind had been and why did it suddenly develop this annoying habit of wandering.

"Do you want me to re-read the-"

"No." Sesshoumaru interrupted. "Leave the scroll and go. That goes for the rest of you as well."

They followed his orders perfectly. No words were spoken as they left except one whispered remark which Sesshoumaru couldn't do anything about since it was the truth:

"It's those humans fault, come tomorrow our dear Lord will probably end up in the same circumstances that his father was in."

Instead of igniting anger in Sesshoumaru it pushed him to finally do something which he hadn't dared do before. Have a serious talk with Kikyou about their relationship.

* * *

Nervousness is a feeling which is much like fear. It'll hold you back for a long unreasonable amount of time till the moment which you had dreaded either passed or drove you over the edge. Both nervousness and fear will never go away, it must be dwelt with or exterminated completely and utterly from your mind.

So when faced with the possibility of prolonging this talk, Sesshoumaru choose to destroy that option and go with the more courageous option of getting it out of the way. Fear and nervousness were things which he despised and couldn't afford to indulge in.  
From the main hall, which really wasn't a hall at all, one could walk straight through every section of the castle without leaving this one hallway. In the middle of this vast hallway is an elaborate door which lead to the royal rooms and the royal servants rooms as well. Beyond this segment of the hall are the oldest rooms in the castle, which constantly needed repair and weren't worth going to anyway. They dated from beyond his father's time, and were a part of the castle Sesshoumaru avoided.  
In the beginning Sesshoumaru had to think long and hard about where to put Rin. Since she wasn't royalty and was a human it wouldn't be right to put her in the same section of rooms as the ones he slept in, but it would also be unfair to put her in the common servants quarters since she would be alone and by herself with demons who would rather want to rip her apart then take care of her even if he ordered them to not lay one finger upon her. Finally Sesshoumaru had solved this conflict by placing her in the rooms adjacent to his which were the royal servants rooms. Close enough so that he could keep an eye on her without any conflict arising from it. And best of all, these rooms were completely empty since Sesshoumaru choose to do things for himself instead of depend on others.

When Kikyou joined their group Sesshoumaru had placed her in the same rooms and the problem of who would take care of Rin (since Jaken has proved himself to be a terrible babysitter) was solved. But now, thinking back on his decision, he had thought this wasn't the best place to put Kikyou. Since it would be all but to easy for her to slit his throat in the middle of the night. But Kikyou never had tried to harm him. She especially was careful never to show her true nature to Rin, always maintaining a human appearance for the girl even though she allowed Sesshoumaru to see her soul stealing servants. Which brought another question to his mind: "Why did he trust her anyway?"

Sesshoumaru quickly walked through his own elegant quarter and then threw back the doors separating his rooms with Rin and Kikyou's.

There was a definite difference in the quality of rooms. Through the royal servants quarters weren't half as bad as the regular servants quarters, which had walls that were practically crumbling away and dirt floors with almost no furniture. At least here the rooms were a normal, if not plain. The floors were wood, the walls weren't crumbling apart, and the furniture was decent.

Upon entry Jaken, who had been playing a card game on the floor (and was losing badly to Rin by the way), looked up and stammered out his usual nonsense with more stuttering then usual since he hadn't seen him in such a long time.

'I haven't even seen Jaken in all this time either.' This thought was followed by a mixture of annoyance at having to listen to his prattle, and wonder since usually he couldn't go a day without seeing the toad.

Sesshoumaru quickly looked around the main room for Kikyou and then let his eyes settle upon Rin. She dropped the cards in her hand and, with tears in her eyes, jumped up to give his pants leg a hug.

"R-R-Rin's missed you Sesshoumaru-sama!" The small girl cried out and held on to him with more intensity than usual. Sesshoumaru's eyes softened momentarily and he bent down to detach her arms from his leg. Giving her an awkward hug, Sesshoumaru waited until her tears had ceased even though part of him would have rather liked to just run out of the room screaming about "human contact" from this thoughtless actions. He was used to Rin's presence, but it was still difficult for him to know how to act to the child or give her public displays of affection. But it is in times like this when he had to hold on to the main goal and not let his annoying habits and phobia get the best of him. He had made Rin cry and it was obvious she had missed him, now he felt guilty about leaving her alone and even thinking about leaving her again as Rin gave him a tearful smile.

Finally, after a long period of time, Rin pulled away from him and gave him her usual, cheery and content, smile. Asking with a child's innocence and trust with her chocolate eyes the question: "Where have you been?"

Sesshoumaru sighed and stood up. An explanation would have to be made, but not one that would include the word "wedding." Luckily, Kikyou had choose to keep this piece of information to herself and not disclose it with Rin. Since if Rin had known she would have been giving him a million questions about it by now. Questions to which he didn't have an answer to.

"I had some unavoidable business to take care of. I'm sorry that I've been away from you for so long." Sesshoumaru's apology was gruff and he had to force himself to say the words "I'm sorry." He still had his pride after all.  
Rin smiled again and wiped the tears off her face with the sleeve of her kimono."It's alright, Rin hasn't been lonely because Kikyou was with me. Oh and Jaken too! He's been keeping Rin company since Kikyou left!"

The word "was" and the words "Kikyou left" seemed to pound a sudden feeling of dread into his stomach. Somehow he had feared it would come to this. Sesshoumaru made pushed aside his the feelings of apprehension while asking for an explanation.

"Sesshoumaru-sama didn't know?" Rin said. Her eyes were wide with confusion. "But Kikyou-sama said she went to go find Sesshomaru -sama and give him a letter."

Jaken jumped up and whacked her upside the head. Rin pouted and turned toward Jaken angrily while the demon toad explained his actions while correcting Rin. "No she didn't! She said she was giving "some rude, white haired dog" a letter of apology and then leaving."

No possible words could explain the anger, betrayal, hurt, and sadness which suddenly overcame Sesshoumaru. Unable and unwilling to comprehend all of this at once in front of the two before him, Sesshoumaru quickly turned on his heel and walked away from the two.

Upon reaching his own room Sesshoumaru slammed these doors also and then sat down in front of them. His hand brushed past the Tenseiga and he quickly detached the sword from his belt and threw it across the room in a fit of anger at not being able to hurt the cause of his distress. The Tenseiga hit a large blue vase filled with lilies and sent it hurling off of his dresser and on to the floor. The vase smashed into millions of little pieces and the flowers were damaged and scattered. Luckily the vase had not been full of water, but it was filled with something else quite precious to him.

Sesshoumaru glanced at the object the the vase had concealed. It was a small bloodstained, cotton linen cloth wrapped around a dull, undecorated, gray knife which was rusty. Sesshoumaru stood up and walked across the room to pick up the pieces of the vase before picking up the knife. As he reached for a large shard of the vase and a smaller piece he hadn't seen punctured the skin on his wrist. Sesshoumaru drew his hand back quickly and saw with dismay that some of his own blood had fell upon the covered knife.

The picture that this made, him bleeding, the knife which he had carefully concealed all these years, and the broken beauty of the lilies brought back a haunting memory which temperately separated him from his pain of losing Kikyou.

* * *

"Sesshoumaru...Sesshoumaru?"

"Hmmm, sorry."

"That's alright my son."

The light feminine voice, a shake on the shoulder, along with the sudden warmth of the sun seemed to awaken him from a dream world which he had fallen in because of the warm weather. Looking up he could see his mother sitting beside him, her hands were folded neatly in front of her, she was looking straight ahead at the landscape before them. Seeing everything, yet nothing at once

It was midday and they were in a grassy field outside of the place. Just far away enough so that they would be completely alone, and just close enough so that they wouldn't be in any danger. The rich spring grass was almost past ankle length and from this point on the hill they were sitting upon he could see a few wild floers growing close to what he dubbed as the "unknown." Or the boarder which he had yet to cross. It was a beautiful site, but it had a melancholy air which he couldn't describe.

"Don't do that to me. You know I can't see. What if you had ran off and fell in a ditch? Or got kidnapped? Or died?"

"You would be able to see it because you CAN see," Sesshoumaru said matter of fact in a way that only children can because only children completely trust in the temporary present.

A smile curved his mother's lips. A smile which he would have had to this day if he had only continued to smile. Along with that smile he also inherited her eyes, but everything else was almost completely his fathers except for the perfect, feminine beauty which he inherited from his mother. His mother, who was composed of contradictions. Tall and tomboyish, yet also frail and, because of her condition, at sometimes very dreamy, seemed to be the only woman in the palace who he didn't dislike and so he spent the most time with her. And his father if he could be pulled away from his duties. Being the only child and quite stubborn, he was the center of his parents love and happiness. But already the signs were starting to appear that would signal that this wouldn't last for long.

"Ahh, that's right. I can see. Even if I've been blind for half of my life."

Sesshoumaru, still lying on his stomach, replied: "How did you become blind?"

His mother's dulled golden eyes closed and then when she opened them they darkened temporarily. "I became blind when I married your father. Before that I could see things perfectly, or at least I thought I could. Sesshoumaru...give me your hand."

Sesshoumaru sat up and gave his mother the hand that would someday be lost to him. His mother turned his hand palm side up and then looked down into it.

"What can you see?"

"Shhhh," she silenced him and then dropped his hand. "All is not lost. I still have some time. Now do you really want to know how I became blind?"

"Yes," Sesshoumaru replied, trying in vain to keep the excitement from showing on his face. Even though Sesshoumaru knew his mother couldn't see his expressions, she was very sensitive to emotions of others.

The story of how his mother had became blind was one which he had always wanted to hear the truth of. Many rumors surrounded this tale and many lies with it, both from the servants, his parents, and his mother. Some say she lost her site in a battle, some say her eyes had always been weak and just failed suddenly, and some, his mother really, say it happened when he was born. But now, judging from his mother's serious tone of voice, finally Sesshoumaru would know the truth that he had so desperately wanted.

This was the point at which the painful truth, which he didn't understand then but would now, begin to unfold itself.

"I sacrificed my eyes. When we, I and your father, were married I was told that I must give up one thing. This can be anything as long as it was special to me and as long as it would be a symbol of our love. One that could never be broken, not by anyone or anything."

"So you gave up your sight." Sesshoumaru's eyes grew large at the idea of his mother doing something so drastic such as this. But part of him was filled with joy because she loved his father so much that she would give up one of her senses. A true example of love if there ever was one! For what else could be so physically painful, yet so symbolic as literally giving up part of yourself for the person you love.

"I would have given up my hearing, but then I wouldn't have been able to hear your voice. So I sacrificed my eyes. Because I knew they would come back to me. And look, they have." At this point Sesshoumaru's mother reached up and lightly moved her hands across her son's face. "I knew that you'd have my eyes. That's why I'm telling you this, so that when I die-"

"That won't happen."

"Listen Sesshoumaru, don't deny what you can't stop. When I die, and I will soon, you'll understand why and who murdered me. I'm not completely a fool. Even now he's watching. Wondering if he's making the right decision." She embraced him and then stood up. Sesshoumaru looked up at her beautiful face and could feel the heat of her unseeing gaze.

"Love makes us do stupid and horrible things. At all costs it should be avoided, yet like moths to the flame we can't avoid it. But hate, hate is the opposite of love and is even more horrible. Your emotions, revenge, vengeance, jealousy, even love, can quickly turn against it's wielder and destroy them. But I can see you're going to feel both and make unwise decisions for both so I won't try to stop you."

His mother had always said things that confused him like this. It was one of the reasons that he loved her though, she was always a mystery. At times it seemed like she could predict what would happen, as if losing her eyes gave her a second sight.

She looked out into the field of grass around them and placed a hand over her eyes while using the other to dig into her pocket. She took out a knife wrapped in rough, bloodstained cotton and gave it to Sesshoumaru before continuing her tale. "I felt, and still do feel, both hate and love for your father. And because of that I could not give him anything but my eyes. The eyes see and yet doesn't see. They are both beautiful and the disgusting. Just like our love, it was one sided and all too easily destroyed. I used this knife to destroy my sight and entered into this world of darkness rather than see him fall in love with someone else. I kept this in order to remind myself why I came into this marriage and why I am leaving it. I have no further use for it except to hand it to you. You'll lose something too by sacrifice. Think of me when you do."

Sesshoumaru, his mind weighed down from this confession, unwrapped the cloth around the knife with some degree of hesitation. The blood stains were still visible and the knife was still sharp even after all these years, so when his finger lightly traced the end of the blade he barely felt the pain of the wound. This was a great honor, but it was also a great burden.

Feeling confused, sorrow at this intimate confession, and disgusted by the blood still upon the knife, Sesshoumaru looked up into his mother's eyes and realized he was looking up into eyes of a reanimated corpse.

His mothers rotten hands reached out to grope for his face and he backed away and pointed the knife at her. Her face, once so beautiful and now so rotted and ugly, pulled back its lips to smile as her hands closed around his throat.

On a reflex he plunged the knife into her stomach only to realize that the material which his knife had passed through wasn't his mother's dark blue clothing but a priestess's robes.

Sesshoumaru looked up into Kikyou's face.

* * *

Sesshoumaru woke up with a start. He had managed to fall asleep with out even realizing it! For one horrifying moment he thought he was still in that field and then the sound of thunder killed this illusion. He was still here, in his room in his castle. He was his normal age, he hadn't encountered his mother's corpse or Kikyou. And most importantly...

He hadn't killed either one of them.

This train of thought brought his attention to a sharp object digging into his hand. His eyes locked on to the cause of this pain and pulled it out of his hand. In his sleep he must had unwrapped his mothers knife and held on to it for some kind of comfort and relief.

'Damn...Mother...' Sesshoumaru's disconnected thoughts seemed to fit his mood. He didn't know what to feel right now. Everything seemed so confusing. What was he doing? What was he going to do?

But most importantly, his only object to remember his mother by was ruined by his blood.

Sesshoumaru turned toward his bed and ripped a large piece of fabric from it in order to use it as a makeshift bandage. He wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight so there was no use in worrying about the blankets. Almost immediately flowers of blood bloomed upon the fabric as the wound bled more then it should have. His body would heal itself now that the knife was removed, but Sesshoumaru wanted to avoid staining anything else. He had been holding on to the knife for a long time, continuously reopening the wound which his natural regeneration had kept attempting to heal.

"But there are some wounds that never heal. You knew that didn't you, dearest mother?" This last part was spoken in a half-hearted attempt at scorn. Even now he couldn't hate her for doing what she did. She was just trying to do what she felt was right, despite the horrible consequences of her actions Sesshoumaru couldn't hate her.

Lightning illuminated the room and thunder seemed to linger longer then the roar of thunder. From the sound, his location was quite close to the source of the storm and his natural sense of time told him that it was well past midnight. The first day of his "selection" had begun, in a few hours he would be greeting every single candidate in the long and boring fight for his love. And one of them would be his potential wife and another would not be present due to his brother.

Sesshoumaru had no doubt Kikyou was leaving to return to his brother, Inuyasha. Her earlier behavior gave him all the proof he needed. Kikyou, even when traveling with him, always seemed to think of Inuyasha. She said she wanted to kill him, but in reality Sesshoumaru believed that she still loved him.

The very thought of him, the person that had stolen all of his happiness and the arrogant half-demon who mocked him at every turn, made Sesshoumaru's hand clench into a fist and reopen his wound.

The light from another bolt of lightning once again illuminated the whole room, and this time it brought some of the wind and rain with it. Sesshoumaru turned toward his open window and closed it. Hearing a small noise behind him he turned around to come face to face with himself.

Himself reflected in a mirror on the wall opposite his window of course. When another bolt of lightning illuminated the room again Sesshoumaru dropped his mother's knife on his bed and walked across the room to the mirror. The sound Sesshoumaru had heard was the mirror swaying on it's frame from a gust of wind that slipped in when he closed his window.

The Sesshoumaru he saw reflected in the mirror didn't seem to be the Sesshoumaru he had saw a few months ago. This one seemed weary, stressed, with a disquieting far away look in his eyes and a ravaged appearance. Could this really be himself?

_"I sacrificed."_

Yet this Sesshoumaru had all the facial feature of the old one. The old tattoos() were still there and he still had the same hair-

_"When I die,"_

Look, his golden eyes were still the same too. Just slightly far away, that's all. Far away like his-

'I have her eyes. They were always hers.'

Mother's. But this same shade also belonged to his brother. Inuyasha. Everyone in his family had golden eyes.

_"It's been a long time since I felt love like this. I used to think that only love could be felt by mortals. So I thought "I'm not mortal, so I don't deserve it". But now I wonder if it is-was-even love."_

Who said those words? Was it Kikyou. Yes, it was. But, on that night many days ago, she hadn't really been talking to him but to Inuyasha. To the very person who he resembled and hated because of that fact.

_"It was so weak that I felt that I had to hold on to it. Hold it close because it would surely slip through my fingers like water at one point or the other. I...I guess I was either afraid or stupid. I wanted love, yet I had never expected the heartbreak that accompanied love. We didn't have parents, the both of us, so we didn't know what we were doing." _

Yes, she had told him this before they arrived here and when they were sitting back to back in the middle of the night, in a forest many miles from here. They were always traveling on foot if possible now that Kikyou had joined their party. It was late at night, and Sesshoumaru had decided to set up camp since it was dangerous to travel at night because demons were at then and Rin was exhausted and need to sleep. Rin and Jaken were fast asleep and Kikyou had just finished her feast of souls for the night. The conversation had turned toward Inuyasha. At the time, Sesshoumaru had brought the subject up in order to talk about their plan of action and how they should go about killing Inuyasha. But instead he had set himself up for a night full of confessions and mistakes.

At that time she wasn't seeing him, Kikyou saw Inuyasha. It wasn't the first time. Sesshoumaru suspected Kikyou saw Inuyasha's face when she looked at him. Seeing Inuyasha with a heart that was gone, not even physically present in her body, yet still hurt like the pain from an old wound that stilled ached from time to time.

_"I gave up so much time, broke so many rules, became so close to falling over the edge of purity that I became frustrated with myself. I asked my soul "why can't I become intimate with the person I love? Am I cursed to continue to only scratch the surface of our relationship?" And my soul seemed to reply "you have duty, you have honor, that this is enough." But it wasn't enough. I wanted more, I needed more. Yet there lines I couldn't cross. Do you understand what it's like to be held back by yourself? To know that what you desperately want is the one thing you must hate and push away because of something that you had decided on in the past?"_

'Yes, I know that now.'

_"How many nights must I have laid silently in your arms-Inuyasha's arms I mean-and felt guilty, and yet wickedly glad that I was disobeying myself. The self that only wanted coldness and a absence of emotion where there was love and desire. Even this hatred and loathing I feel for Inuyasha is better than feeling nothing at all. But-"_

'Don't say it, don't remember.'

_"If I could do it all over again. Be betrayed again, die again, fall in love again. I would fall in love with you again. No regrets this time, no "maybe after the Shikon jewel is gone," I would give you everything. Body and Soul." _

'Don't...'

_"Because I love you, and I want to be with you. Even if it hurts. Can you understand this? My love? Are you ready to accept it?"_

And so Sesshoumaru had survived to the end of this speech and was unprepared to do anything but stare into space. He felt empty even when he should have been full of hatred at her mistaking him for Inuyasha and confessing her love for him to his brother. But all he could feel was the sharp stab of an unidentified wound. When she had said she loved "him" it had hurt. Horribly hurt a part of him that hadn't been hurt since his mother had died.

'Don't remember your mistakes. Not now, not at this time.'

And for one moment he had actually wished to be the very person he hated. Inuyasha.

Kikyou had sighed, he could still hear it now as if it was reenacted and she was in the room with him. She leaned against him, and then stood up and walked around till she stood in front of him.

At that moment he had looked down at his one remaining hand, wondering if he could find some greater knowledge like his mother had in it. In the present, Sesshoumaru did the same thing.

"This is madness..." The whispered tones of his own voice seemed to echo and linger in the still air, and the silence in the room was broken only by the occasional sounds of the storm.

In his memories, Kikyou had leaned down and laid her hand over his. A drop of water, followed by another landed on their overlapped hands. Kikyou seemed to be crying silently.

_Can you accept my apology? I love you._

Those three words seemed to just drive the stake in his heart even deeper. Her tears, that clouded look in her eyes, this wasn't meant for him to see or hear. He wasn't who she wanted him to be. Yet some part of him either didn't care or wanted Kikyou that night.  
Because when Kikyou leaned forward, pressing her weight against him and bringing their lips together in a clumsy kiss Sesshoumaru didn't push her away.

It was difficult at first, kissing the dead must always be, because she was so cold and this was so unexpected and, at first, so unwanted that he paused and let her do all the work.

The passionate kiss wasn't for him either, but his body responded like it was. Despite the fact that she was human, even dead, and that she saw him as his brother while lost in her memories he still kissed her back.

To this day he could still taste the salt from her tears and feel the gentle pressure of her hands on his shoulders.

But of course, this was only a memory. The passion between them was only a by product of Kikyou's guilt and memories, and Sesshoumaru's momentary weakness as he indulged Kikyou. Kikyou, mentally and physically exhausted, soon couldn't keep up with her impulses and soon he was kissing a sleeping beauty that in the morning would have no memory of having ever talked to him much less kissed him. And Sesshoumaru, who had tried to be angry with her but could not, let the subject slide into the category of a forgotten memory. He chalked it up to an accident and tried to forget her kiss.

Who would want to remember something like that? Who wants to be a fucking substitute!? Sesshoumaru couldn't stop himself, he broke the mirror in front of him with his fist and reopened two wounds at once.

* * *

Eventually morning came, and with it went the storm and Sesshoumaru's memories of Kikyou and his mother.

Sesshoumaru, who had stayed up all night cleaning up the shards of glass from both the mirror and the vase and also trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do with himself, was half asleep, sprawled across his bed.

But when you're not sleeping you can and will feel pain. The first feelings of pain and "the night after" syndrome was kicking in. Both his hand, his side, and his head felt sore. His hand because he had kept reopening the wound in order to stay awake and it was just now healing, and his side because something wooden, like a door or a cane, was poking into it. And his head? Well, that is just too obvious to explain.

Sesshoumaru groaned and reached behind him to stop the object of his torment, which turned out to be Jaken.

At the look of his unkept appearance Jaken did a double take, dropped his cane, opened his mouth to scream, and then shut his mouth again. From his face he seemed to be thinking to himself: 'Is this my Lord?'

Sesshoumaru, not at all amused to be awoken or to deal with this annoying toad this early in the morning flung him to the other side of the room and stood up.  
Practically everything on him hurt! His joints felt stiff, his hair was hanging limply in his face and preventing him from seeing properly, his head hurt from too much thinking, etc. Luckily, he had broke his mirror last night.

Finally Jaken found his voice: "Sess-sess-sess-"

"Come out with it already you imbecile!" snapped Sesshoumaru.

Jaken gulped down his fear and finally chocked out what he wanted to say. "My Lord, you look horrible." Finding that this was the wrong thing to say he got on his knees and stammered out some apologies.

Sesshoumaru flung some of his hair out of his eyes and glared at him, his bad mood still intact. "Stop rambling and say something important or get your fucking ass out of my room this instant! Damn...what time is it?"

Jaken stopped rambling and looked up at Sesshoumaru with eyes as big as teapots. Had his Lord, just say what he thought he heard him say?

Sesshoumaru, the Sesshoumaru who measured his words so carefully and never said such words such as fuck had just said fuck. And the Sesshoumaru Jaken remembered would have never let him get into this shape. Sesshoumaru didn't care what Jaken thought, or how he reacted. He knew he looked like an unruly dog in this shape and he didn't care.

Jaken hopped up off of his knees suddenly.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! There's not a moment of time! The noblewomen that are competing for your hand in marriage, they're already here!"

"And?" replied Sesshoumaru coldly. "Let them wait, they've been waiting for me for 50 years. They can wait 10 minutes more. I have no intention to meet them like this, so just go down and wait on them for a moment." With that successful reply, Sesshoumaru searched through his dressers for some new clothing.

Jaken, nervous about asking a question that was on his mind for fear of death, stood around fidgeting for awhile till his curiosity got the best of him. "Sesshoumaru-sama, if I may ask. What was it that you did last night that has gotten you into such a state?"

Sesshoumaru stopped shifting through his dresser, blinked, and looked up at Jaken. "That's none of your business. Did I not give you a order?"

"Um...yes you did, but..."

"Then do it!"

Jaken ran out of the room sure that any minute his head would be severed from his body. Sesshoumaru stood watching him go, feeling a rather large and unsettling chunk of unease rumble around inside him. He couldn't seem to remember everything about last night. Maybe, just maybe, this was the same reason why Kikyou hadn't been able to remember their night of passion because he didn't remember his night of rage. After going thought such extreme emotional torment, bouncing from one end of his emotional spectrum to the other, his mind just blocked everything out. He didn't remember his dream, smashing the mirror, and even injuring himself seemed like one big blur in his mind. If the shards of glass and his mother's knife weren't there Sesshoumaru would have been tempted to chock it all up to a nightmare.

Not like it mattered. Right now she was probably in the arms of his half-brother. Besides, nothing was really between them except that night. The only reason she even talked to him was because of his looks. She wasn't the first and she wouldn't be the last.

Or at least that's what Sesshoumaru tried to tell himself in order to replace the pain of loss with the anger of betray.

* * *

By the time Sesshoumaru walked into the vast parlor outside of the place gates he was looking like his old self. So much so that Jaken had a hard time believing that he had just saw him in a unkempt condition just a few moments before.

The parlor was highly decorated in elaborate precious metals and woods that it's flashiness was only added to by the 130 woman in front of him. All of them, every single one, seemed to be wearing expensive and highly decorative clothes and jewelry in order to out shine the other woman around them. It was almost like the mating rituals of peacocks! It would be funny to see if there was actually anything worth while under all that get up or if all they had were brightly colored shells. Which brought another woman to mind.

Kikyou never had wanted or needed to dress up for anyone, including himself. She always wore the same plain priestesses robes even though she was no longer a priestess. The same red and white, with the same hair cut. Her hair was always tied back with a single white ribbon with two loops of hair dangling freely, and yet Sesshoumaru had still found her attractive. Even her memory seemed to outshine these noblewomen around him. If only she was really here-

'But she's not. And I'm wasting time.' Sesshoumaru thought coldly to himself as he looked around once more then stepped away from the doorway he had been standing in. He stopped in front of the woman and then began a rather short speech in order to save time.

"We all know why we're here, so I won't have the council or myself read over the list of traditions for us all one more time. We're here so we can all get to know each other for a couple of days, and then one of you will be chosen and the rest will go back to your homes. The rules are rather simple ladies: 1. No cat some men may like the whole excitement and nudity of woman vs woman fights, but I'm not one of them. If it's not for a good cause, like a war or something like that, then keeps your paws off of each other. You break this rule, and your ass is out the door faster than you can say "rule.""

So far so good. Besides Jaken and the council members, who were silently praying to the gods Sesshoumaru's rudiness would cease, no one seemed to have any objections so far.

"You will act polite to each other, no gossip either. 2: Don't try to get into my royal quarters at night, or during the day, in order to pursued me to pick you. I don't care how big your breasts are, I'll kill you for even trying to win me over cheaply. I have no problems with killing a woman. 3: I will meet with all of you for one hour and one hour only, after this we will not see each other except if we casually pass each other in the hallways. And even then we will not speak with each other. I want this to be a fair contest. 4: After I have met with the last contestant, we will all meet again at this very spot and I will announce the winner. Any questions?"

No one raised their hand. Most of them were too shocked to speak, half of them thought this was a joke, and another half were too frighten to speak from the thought of rule number 2.

Satisfied, Sesshoumaru quickly walked away, shouting over his shoulder for the council members to pick out 12 of them so they could start this contest immediately. And it was a contest in his mind. No way could this be called "dating."

After all, love wasn't something that you could find in a day, or a week. But with Kikyou Sesshoumaru had experienced it for a brief season.

* * *

In the middle of all this, somehow he found the time to be with Rin. Even though time was scarce, and even when they were alone the noblewomen were still with them. Watching in the shadows with envy and disgust. All of which was carefully, yet badly, hidden behind a powdered mask when he spoke to anyone of them or passed by them in the main hall.

'It really is a game,' was the thought that contentiously passed through Sesshoumaru's head. Surely this couldn't be real love? Surely they didn't think of it that way? But who knows what goes through a woman's mind. Were men just neat little trophies to show off, was that why they kept doing all kinds of things to get his attention and to keep his attention? Why did should anyone even try to find real love anyway? You only fall short of it in the end.

Love didn't matter though. He wasn't here in order to find true love like in a fairy-tale. This wasn't a fairy-tale, he wouldn't find the right woman here like his father did. And even that must have not been true love in order for their relationship to have ended like it did.

"_I'm not mortal, so I don't deserve it."_

Kikyou had been right about that one. Immortals and Mortals feel love differently. Mortals thought it was something that could be controlled or waited for, that the power of love was real and that one only needed to find the most attractive man and woman and "fall" for them in order for it to be love. What they failed to notice was that most of the time it wasn't love but loves deadly cousin, lust.

Immortals recognized that love was impossible or not worth attaining, and so they put love in a new category: Rivalry. It all came down to who could get the most attractive, the most richest, the highest in status, man or woman and get married to them. And they did this without hiding it or lying about it. Something which mortals were now just starting to accept. Demons didn't think of anything more than children and tradition, and that was just fine with them.

This was all a show, and he was the star. Whether or not he would ride off into the sunset with someone he generally cared about was not important. He just needed to pick a woman that would cater to his every whelm, came from a good family, looked pretty, and could have children. That's it. That's all there was to it.

This burden of marriage seemed to separate Sesshoumaru from his thoughts of Kikyou. He no longer thought about Kikyou or Inuyasha, and Rin seemed to be a welcome distraction as long as she didn't talk about what was currently going on around them. And for the most part Rin didn't. The only time she did complain was when it became clear that Kikyou wasn't coming back. But after awhile, when it was clear her tears and sullen looks wouldn't bring Kikyou back, Rin kept the conversation on nothing but the most trivial of matters. Even Kikyou was a subject which Rin talked seldom about, but she would occasionally look up at him with disappointment, resentment, and wounded love. Almost as if he was the reason she had left.

And maybe he was. Or maybe it was just Sesshoumaru's appearance that drove Kikyou away and not his personality. You could hardly have a relationship with someone if they kept trying to make you into something you're not and refuse to be. Kikyou never tired to overtly mold him into his brother, but their last and first tender moment seemed to confirm his suspensions that he was Inuyasha's replacement.

Or maybe his suspensions weren't true. The only time he had really thought about their relationship was the night Kikyou left. And that was still something which he refused to remember. Sesshoumaru couldn't stand even the thought of weakness in himself, especially when it concerned feelings toward a human woman.

The only evidence of that night was his his mother's knife and the fading scar across the palm of his hand. Both of which he carried with him everywhere.

It was now almost over, this was the 5th day and the last contestant for the day had finally left. Sesshoumaru stood up and left the meeting room after extinguishing the candles that were the primary source of light in the room now that the sun had set.

There was nothing more to do except see Rin. But upon entering her room he found her asleep and so instead he headed for a different location. His father's second wife's room.

Why he did this he wasn't quite sure of and still wasn't sure of.

The room, through dusty and completely ripped apart by time and circumstance, was in shades of cream and peach and had a very womanly air. There was a smell in it besides the musty ordure of time, a light perfume that was-

'Rose. Wild Rose to be exact. That was her favorite flower and scent in the word. She was always a hopeless romantic. One of the types of woman that are spoken of in the old children's tales as pure of heart and mind. And so trusting and naive! She probably loved everyone, even the people that hated her,' Sesshoumaru thought as he gazed upon the room.

'She loved everyone, even me.'

* * *

It was about 5 months before Inuyasha came into their life. A whole detestable period of suffering. At least it seemed so at the time. Both his father and his stepmother continued to annoy him with their actions and words of love toward each other. Seeing them together was enough to make him and the rest of the household sick.  
How could he do it? How could he marry a human? That was the question that continued to be on his mind. That and how Sesshoumaru could pretend to be nice to this human woman.

Of course he had no choice, it was either be nice to her or receive some agonizing form of punishment.

But the woman just didn't know when to stop! She would always be there, hovering over him, with a smile or a kind word. Trying to get him to "love" her. She was so convincing, with all her sweet talk, that either all she said was genuine or she was a very good actor.

But all that stopped or winded down when he finally confronted her in the halls one day when his father was away on business.

This conformation would have never taken place if she hadn't decided to probe into his life by bring up his real mother who died because of her.

It really was, and still is, all her fault.

On that afternoon, after a day of "family bonding time," the sunset was truly the color of blood. He couldn't remember the colors orange or violet, just red and crimson hovering over the horizon. Sesshoumaru had loved sunsets ever since that day, they signified the end of a painful and aggravating sequence of events.

The both of them had just come in from the infamous garden where Sesshoumaru and Kikyou would years later have their last argument. Outside of the garden, in the hallway where there was no one exceptthe two of them. Inuyasha's mother finally spoke her mind.

"Why do you hate me so much? If you tell me, maybe I can help you. I just want you to love me as much as I love you. You are my son after all."

Sesshoumaru stopped in mid-stride. She had just said the most hateful of words. He was NOT her son.

"I'm not your son," He said over his shoulder with as much hatred as he could. " And you are not my mother. There is no reason to continue this discussion or this act any longer." With that he continued walking, hoping that she would just drop the subject and finally figure out that she was not wanted here.

"Why? Because you still miss your mother?"

Sesshoumaru again stopped walking, this was yet another mistake on her part.

"I know," She continued. "That I can't ever replace or hope to try to replace her. But I was hoping I could help you deal with her passing. I know what happened that night, your father told me. And I'm s-"

"Oh, he told you didn't he?" Sesshoumaru interrupted, his mouth turning up at the corners into a primal smile for no good reason at all.

The woman, some very deep part of her sensing that something horrible was going to happen, paused and then continued with a degree of nervousness in her voice. "Yes, he did. He told me everything. How your mother died in a terrible accident-"

Sesshoumaru flinched at the word "accident." So his father had lied to her. And to himself as well. That was no accident. It was cold blooded murder. And this woman, who if the version she listened to had been even an inch of reality, knew that Sesshoumaru was there when it had happened. This was all a part of their plan. His father wasn't really gone on business after all, he was either hiding in the background or close by, letting this woman get a chance to "heal his heart." Like he was still a child and wouldn't know the difference between a lie and the truth.

It hurt. It horribly hurt being lied to by his own father. So much that it ripped open the freshly stitched wounds on his heart from watching his own mother's descent into death's arms. It was a wonder that he was able to control himself from killing her. And all the while he continued to smile. Sesshoumaru hid his true emotions from the human before him, even when his ghastly smile started to twitch.

"It must have been so horrible for you... For you to have to witness that freak accident. I'm so sorry."

'Yes, you're going to be sorry, you and him both one of these days...' Sesshoumaru thought, never taking his eyes off of his stepmother.

"For all the pain you went through, all of it-"

'You and that thing inside of you, I'll rip the both of you apart and finally even the score! Even my father will pay for this someday.'

"The only thing I can do is offer you my love as a condolence in order to help heal the pain." At this point she made another fatal mistake.

The woman embraced him. Like his mother had embraced him only instead of the scent of lilies that washed over him it was roses. The sicking stench of roses that he hated even now.

Sesshoumaru's thoughts of revenge and his urge to ignore his father's warnings and hurt the woman before him mixed together to form one giant sentence that repeated itself over and over in his mind:

Kill her, kill the wench and make her sorry for all she had done.

In one swift motion, Sesshoumaru pushed her off of him and shoved her against the wall of the place and took out his mother's knife which he now carried with him everywhere since she died from a horrible "accident." The woman barely had time to react to anything, not even a scream escaped her lips. All that came out was a chocked moan from the pressure of his hand on her throat and the maniac grin on his face.

He raised the knife till it was at her eye level and then pressed it against her protruding stomach.

"You don't know anything do you?" Sesshoumaru said between clenched teeth. Both anticipation and fear of what might happen was starting to make his hand holding the dagger quiver. He had killed before, but never like this. This wasn't hunting or defending himself. "Just like the pitiful whore you are you lick up every single word that comes flying out of my father's mouth. It was a lie! A lie! That was no accident, my father didn't "accidentally" kill my mother, and I'm not going to take your love in order to fill this gap in my heart. That's not for you to heal because it was your fault! She died because of you! You were seeing him before it happened, weren't you!"

She was crying now, but his tears didn't move him. They just meant the truth, that even while his mother was suffering his father was seeing this...this thing! He couldn't even call the quivering mass before him human. Even humans didn't disgust him this must, didn't feel him was such rage.

"She knew it, my mother and now everyone knows what really happened! And now this lie, this lie he told you so you wouldn't hate him as well, is between us you think we can go on with our lives? Impossible! I refuse to! I refuse to live by this lie and be a part of this happy family!"

Now she had finally found a voice. "Sess-"

"Silence whore! I'm not done with you yet! And if you so much as scream I'll cut this abomination out of your stomach!" He made good on his promise by cutting a small scratch on the surface of her protruding belly.

"Now," Sesshoumaru continued. "I want you to tell father this, and that half-demon inside of you when it's born. I hate all of you. And I won't stop hating until you've all payed for your sins."

Sesshoumaru released his stepmother and stepped back, watching in morbid fascination as the woman grasped her own throat and started to choke for air.

Finally she looked up at him. Her eyes were very dark with, strangely, pity. Sesshoumaru stepped back another step and looked up at the shadows dancing on the ceiling. The sunset really did look like blood, and so did the light seeping from the windows as well.

His mother's blood, demon's blood.

"It wasn't a accident...She was really murdered by my father. And by you. Every moment you breath, I hope you live with the guilt."

Finally, his stepmother stood up. One of her hands cradling her stomach, the other her neck where red marks were starting to show from the imprint of his fingers. This should have shut her up, but she still had the guts to say one more sentence.

"Just as you're living with the guilt as well."

At that moment they could both hear footsteps, someone was coming toward them. That someone was his father. Sesshoumaru glanced at his stepmother and then the darkness of the hall where his father was coming from. He would probably beat him near a inch of his life for this, but somehow he didn't care.

And somehow her eyes still reflected that single emotion now only darkened deeper by guilt. She hadn't known the truth after all.

Pity, his stepmother's eyes had reflected pity both for Sesshoumaru and his father.

* * *

'The only reason why I wasn't beaten too badly was because of her. Somehow, even after all I did, she still stood up for me. And I hated her for it. Now there's only one more person left for my wrath.'

Sesshoumaru looked around the dark room colored by the soot of dust, time, and the sunset. The rose scent was starting to fade now. And with it the memory, but not the reason for his actions.

The reason of why he had come here was clear, in order to remember why he needed to forget Kikyou, continue his mission, and return to his old self and stop dwelling on these unrealistic ideas and thoughts.

Sesshoumaru stepped back into the hall outside her room and slammed the door shut on this chapter of his past.

Next, Sesshoumaru headed for his mother's room.

He had to remember what this was all for. Who this was all for. He didn't want to remember, but some part of him demanded it, insisted, that he remember this too or he wouldn't become weak. This was his worse fear. When his mother died he had sworn revenge, and he couldn't waver now. Not even for Kikyou or Rin would he give up his goal.

This room, his mother's quarters, was a place which he rarely entered when he was a child and which he refused to enter after she died. It had been left untouched ever since her death. He hadn't seen it in almost a hundred years.

Her favorite color was blue, so the fading wallpaper and bedding reflected that. Unlike his stepmothers room, this one was spotless yet even more rotted by time. The only thing that stood out brilliantly were the bloodstains. Two almost perfectly round splatters that still wouldn't wash away.

* * *

If pressed, Sesshoumaru would admit a lot of his bad memories were of stormy days. Almost as if his life was cursed to be one complete storm. His days seemed to be divided up between the calm before the storm and the storm itself.

It was a weak after his mother had explained the reason for her loss of sight and the palace grew to be more empty then ever before. Numerous servants were either dismissed or given vacations before this night until it was just the three of them. His father, his mother, and Sesshoumaru himself that occupied the royal wing.

If any of this seemed odd to him it was quickly lost to the stronger feeling that his mother was going away somewhere. Everyday she would pack, give things away, speak of the time they shared as "the last days" and continue to dress in clothes of mourning.

'Maybe a relative had died,' was what Sesshoumaru first thought, but the memory of what his mother had said kept him from believing this.

_Murdered._ That's what she had said. And his mother's visions had the disturbing quality of almost always coming true.

So this week of "last days" pasted in uncertainty and silence. No one talked about the depressing mood hanging over them or where his father seemed to go when he disappeared each night. Now that Sesshoumaru thought about it, his father had started disappearing before this week, but at least he would make up an excuse. Now he just left, saying nothing to either Sesshoumaru or his mother. All of this became a part of their lives, as if it was normal for them to sit through nights alone without even the company of servants or each other. Until that night, the last night his mother was alive.

His father had supposedly went to see about important matters, or at least that's what Sesshoumaru's mother told him once again, leaving him and his mother to wait for him. For some reason she had insisted on staying in his room instead of her own that night. No matter how much Sesshoumaru questioned her about what was going on, where father was going, or why she was sleeping in his room his mother's would always be: "It's not time yet."

"Time for what?" exclaimed a very tired and confused Sesshoumaru. He had stayed up half the night because of his mother's wish for him to spend time with her. Even though they probably could have spent time together tomorrow morning, at least that's what he had thought then. If Sesshoumaru had known what she was going to do he wouldn't have complained and instead he would have spent all day with her, talked to her more, and tried to change their fate.

"You don't need to know about that. Hey, how about we play another game, huh?" his mother said with a nervous smile which was very unlike her. Every second her blind eyes seemed to scan the room and look behind her nervously until she was quite sure she was safe. Then she would reach out and pat his head or hug him and tell him that he'll have a good life and she loved him very much. This kind of confusing behavior was quite draining and sad.

"Are you leaving us?"

"What?"

"Are you leaving us?" Sesshoumaru repeated. He looked up at his mother as she looked from him to the window. If she wasn't leaving him then why was she speaking in past tense. "Do you have another life that you want to live? Another family?"

"No! Heavens no! I've been faithful to your father, too faithful." This last part was spoken angrily. Sesshoumaru bowed his head and muttered an apology for doubting her. So she wasn't leaving after all!

"Then why are you doing this? Why are you speaking like this if you aren't leaving us?"

"Because it's my time to die and I'm too much of a coward to try to play pretend and keep you away from the truth. I wish I had told you nothing of this, that you could go on with out knowing. But-Sesshoumaru look at me."

Sesshoumaru looked away from some spot on the floor to look up into her eyes and the smile that he loved so much.

"But whatever happens," she smiled brightly, a smile both powerful, brave, and hauntingly sad. "I want you to be happy. Do you understand?"

"Yes. I'll try." But in reality, happiness was the furthest from his mind. Her words just didn't seem to reach some part of him that still wasn't satisfied with her answer. And he couldn't understand what his happiness had to do with his mother being so nervous, or why she seemed to be leaving.

"Good. Don't give up hope. Even if things seem sad now. After the coldness of winter comes the rebirth of spring, the warm hope of summer, the carefree days of fall. The years will change, seasons will come and go, but you'll still be free to be happy. Someone will fill the space that was lost in later years, just try to believe that. Believe my words."

Her smile, the tears that suddenly came at the end of her speech, it was exquisite and full of anguish at the same time. She opened her arms and Sesshoumaru reached out to embrace her when the door opened.

Both of them stopped what they were doing and looked up at Sesshoumaru's father.

"I thought I would find you in this room..."

"I wanted some time with our son before-"  
"I haven't changed my mind about this."

"Of course, your hearts turned colder then even his will be. I can't hate you for this, I would probably do the same thing."

All through this dialog Sesshoumaru looked back and forth from his mother's face to his father's. They were both wearing cold expressions which he had never seen before. His mother stood up and started to reach out to pat his head or embrace him, then stopped and sadly drew her hand back. As if touching him would break her will.

"I'm ready, let's leave now. Sesshoumaru, stay in this room no matter what and whatever you do don't leave the castle." His mother's words were spoken in that same cold tone she had used with his father. Even her eyes seemed to freeze with the weight of whatever was going to happen.

"You two are leaving? At a time like this? What about the storm?"

His father started to say something and then shook his head and turned around to give his back to the both of them. His mothers eyes lingered on his father for a bit before they turned back to him. Even blind she could see those she loved"We'll be fine. There's something we must do and then...we'll return. Don't leave the room."

Then the two of them left. Leaving a very young Sesshoumaru to wonder about what exactly was going on. Both of their actions seemed odd as of late and a feeling of dread seemed to grow in him as time passed.

"_Don't leave the room."_ That's what she had said. And if only he had listened to his mother then so many things in the future wouldn't have happened. Maybe he would have believed the lie that everything was an accident. But would it have done any good? Maybe everything would have happened anyway. Everything would have happened even if they had tied him to a chair or sent him away before that night. Destiny is something that cannot be changed. It's unfelt weight settles on us every second of every passing day. Even those like Sesshoumaru who say they control their own destiny are slaves to it's will. No matter how good her intentions were, not even his mother's words could stop Sesshoumaru from leaving the safety and protection of his room.

The candles in most of the castle, including his own room, were extinguished from the gusts of wind let in from open windows. The heavy darkness illuminated only by lightening, the sound of thunder, and the groans of the boards above and below his feet seemed to add to the loneliness and fear Sesshoumaru felt. Yet he felt more frightened for his mother than himself.

Something that his parent's had said to each other, the way they looked at each other as if they no longer knew the other, and this empty castle seemed to prove that they weren't just going outside in order to do some task. What was going on had to be important.  
But most of all, his mother was blind and it was very dark outside. What if something happened to her? Even now he could hear trees falling from the force of the storm. Why would his father drag her out there in order to do something if he knew her condition? And why couldn't he just get the servants or the palace guards to do it?

Maybe it was because all of the guards were in the other wing of the castle on his father's orders and most, if not all, of the servants were gone. Highly unusual, even for the Lord of the West, to have no guards for his personal chambers.

Sesshoumaru tried to get rid of these strange thoughts and pulled back one of the doors leading to the garden. From here he could go through the woods to practically anywhere around the castle. It would take time, but eventually he would find them. He had to. Somehow, for some reason, he had to find them and get rid of this horrible feeling of fear.

One last look over his shoulder at his home from the garden path seemed to increase his fear till it became panic. If he was going to do something, go back or go forward, all would be decided in this moment.

But then he remembered his mother's sad smile and Sesshoumaru ran deeper into the forest and the unknown.

The forest path in the daytime would have been a sight of beauty and wonder, but at night it seemed a path full of nightmares and danger. Tree limbs came out of no where to poke and scrape, strange noises and animals, and darkness with strobe like flashes of light from lightening all of seemed like a good reason to turn back but already an unshakable will was forming. A will that was determined to go on no matter what happens. No matter what the he may see, or do.

Finally, voices could be heard over the sound of the storm. It sounded like two people shouting at each other in order to be heard. Sesshoumaru brushed away another tree limb and then ducked under a fallen tree. Now he could make out the tone of the voices as well. One of the voices shouting was certainly female. His mother perhaps?

Another flash of lighting and Sesshoumaru could now see a clearing through the trees. And yes, it was his mother. That was all he could make out as another tree fell, this time in front of him.

Acting on reflex only, he jumped back before the tree could hit him. But now his forward was blocked. The fallen oak in front of him was too tall to go around and on fire so jumping over wasn't an option.

He would have to crawl under. It was the only way. Thankfully he was still quite small for his age and wasn't weighed down by long hair or too many ornaments yet or he would have gotten burned. After this obstacle had been passed he turned toward his mother, a smile of relief starting to form, when he saw a terrible sight.

How is it possible to forget a scene that didn't make sense? It was as if reality turned itself inside out. Everything Sesshoumaru had believed until that moment was destroyed. His mother was on her knees, eyes closed and hands in her lap. Her head was lowered slightly and a familiar sword was held to her neck. It was his father's sword.

Sesshoumaru shouted something, he wasn't sure what he shouted but it was lost on the wind. But somehow, somehow his mother heard it. Her eyes opened and her head turned to look where he was standing.

Never before had she looked so distraught. Her face blanched and her eyes drew wide. His mother hadn't meant for him to see this, Sesshoumaru knew it now, and not even his mother's powers had foreseen his arrival.

Sesshoumaru burst through the last remaining bushes and shrubbery in his path when fear and adrenaline gave out and he lost his balance and fell. He tried to get up again, but he got tangled up in his robes and his vision was impaired by mud and water. Sesshoumaru struggled to get up, only getting to his feet on the third try.

All this time he didn't look up until he stood up to his feet, and even then he refused to see who was holding that familiar sword. Instead he looked toward his mother. She hadn't moved and now a look of horror was spreading across her face.

She shouted out something, but only his father's name and one the word "stop" reached his ears.  
Sesshoumaru turned, eyes wide. Was it possible? Was it possible that the owner of that sword really was his father? It had to be a mistake, maybe someone with the same name perhaps? It couldn't be, it just couldn't.

Yet it was.

His father's ace was a mask, reflecting the cruelty of the storm. A mask that Sesshoumaru too would be forced to wear.

"He's just a boy, spare him this sight and stop!" his mother shouted out, louder this time. Her voice was chocked with emotion.

"I will not. You promised me."

"Father?" Sesshoumaru couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"You promised me that one day, if either of us ever found real happiness, that one of us would sacrifice our life for the other. I sacrificed my love for your friendship, and now, when I finally find someone that I really love this one rule stops me."

"What are you talking about!" screamed Sesshoumaru at him. "That's your love, right there. Can't you see what you're going to do!?"

His father turned toward him and glared, a hateful glare that Sesshoumaru couldn't believe. His father...his father hated him?

His mother, afraid for Sesshoumaru's life, distracted his father by standing up and shouting: "Sesshoumaru, run! Leave us, it's alright, just run!"

Sesshoumaru, convinced that this was either a nightmare or they had all gone crazy, shouted back at her. "No! Can't you see what's happening? Do you want to die?"

"I don't want you to die! I don't care about what happens to me! Me and your father have a vow that can't be broken." Her response was full of concern, but not for herself. Never for herself. Why now, of all times, did she have to be so self-sacrificing?

"That's right, and it's time to complete that vow. Here and now. Are you ready?"

They were going to do this, his father was going to do this.

_"Murderer."_

_"Love makes us do stupid and horrible things."_

_"When I die, and I will soon, you'll understand why and who murdered me."_

_"Think of me. Always."_

"Yes."

Once the sword was raised again, his mother's eyes lost their fear, their anxiety, and became full of relief. No fear. How could he be so afraid and she stay so calm? His mother turned toward him and tried to smile. "Please, run. I want you to run away. Please listen to me Sesshoumaru! You'll watch and-"

"Mother!" Sesshoumaru ran toward her, and at the same time the sword hovered over her chest.

"Destroy yourself. The boy I love-"

"_You'll either become a strong man or a demon who can only feel hate," she had said to him once long ago in a happier time.  
_

"And the demon you become...Will they both remember me?" his mother said and closed her eyes.

Sesshoumaru came so close he reached out a hand and grabbed hers, so in this way she was embraced by both the sword and him.

The storm prevented him from hearing a scream or even the sound of metal slicing through skin, but somehow Sesshoumaru doubted he would have heard either. His mother died with a smile, that was just how she was. And Sesshoumaru? He was the one screaming.

"_Which one," Sesshoumaru had replied. "Will be stronger? The demon or the man?"_

The both of them fell backward, Sesshoumaru and his mother's body. The sword had pierced her lungs to avoid impaling Sesshoumaru as well as his mother. Sesshoumaru's father effortlessly pulled it out of his wife's body. Sesshoumaru looked from his mother and the blood that was being washed away by the heavy rain drops, and to father. Sesshoumaru stared at the sword that he had admired only days before, it was not trembling in his father's hands. His mother's blood stood out on the cold metal a vivid red.

This wasn't a nightmare because reality was always worse then nightmares.

And somehow, somehow her hand still held on to his.

"_The man will be weaker, but he will be happy and well loved. The demon will be stronger, but will be hated and surrounded by those that see only what's on the outside. Only his status."_

"_But the demon will be strong? Right?"_

"_Yes, but even the strongest of men fall Sesshoumaru."_

His mother's hand feebly reached up to cradle his face. "I'm truly glad to have seen both the man and the demon. There's hope. Even if you become the demon...there's hope."

"Mother..."

"Don't hate him, don't despise him. He's still your father, he's just doing what he feels is right," his mother said. Her strength started to fail, and she turned her head to cough up blood. Her regenerative powers didn't seem to work, but of course they wouldn't. His father's powers were strong enough to kill any demon with a single blow. It was a testament to his mother's strength that she managed to cling to life. "I didn't tell you...everything...everything I didn't tell you. When I sacrificed my eyes your father sacrificed his desires. We were...we were only friends. Never lovers. My love was unrequited. But because of our families we were forced to wed. And so, seeing his unhappiness..."

"You agreed to die for him."

"Yes. Sesshoumaru, I foolishly believed that if I just had a son by him, if I found some way for him to truly be happy with me, then I wouldn't need to die and he would love me."

Her eyes shifted from him to his father. Who still, even in this moment, refused to drop his emotionless mask. "You'll be happy won't you?"

He nodded and stepped away from the both of them, leaving them in a instant so that they could be alone and so he could handle his own grief.

"I...I..." Her words were held back by her wounds. She turned her head to the side again and spit up more blood. She then turned back to him. Her eyes...

"You, you can see?" It was a stupid sentence, but it was the only thing he could think of. He was trying not to cry, trying not to let grief and hatred over take him.

She smiled again, another dazzling bright smile. "Yes. And you really do have the sweetest face. The face I...I imagined."

"Mother! Mother," Panic was starting to settle in. She was really dying. She was leaving him. "Stay with me! Don't leave me alone," Sesshoumaru whispered.

"You're not alone. You just think you are. But even...even this sorrow will fade. You have people. People that you will meet. Wonderful people." She looked off into the distance, seeing him but not seeing him. "Even a demon can turn into a man."

Sesshoumaru leaned into the comfort of her hand and covered her large hand with his own. Reality, love, hatred, if only it could all go away. He closed his eyes and saw an even deeper darkness beyond the darkness of death in front of him. One where he could throw everything away, every emotion except hatred. Throw away every thought except revenge. If he fell into that darkness he wouldn't have to deal with the one before him.

"_Don't become a demon." _She had told him. But he was a demon.

"I want to become stronger, in order to avenge you."

Behind his closed eyes he could see her nod her head "Y...Y...Yesss. I can't even stop you from...destroying yourself."

He opened his eyes. "I won't remember this will I? Until later?" He wouldn't remember her last words, or her wishes for him to be happy and not become possessed by thoughts of revenge and hatred.

"Yes. It's better that way. I want you to remember something. Can you do that for me, remember?" Without giving him time to respond she continued. "I love you, we both do. But you'll...forget even this love. You'll kill your own self and... devour your feelings in order to gain strength. But all things change... This wound," She placed his free hand over her heart. Her eyes had regained that far away look and her breathing had become uneven. "Will heal. I wish...I wish I could see the person that heals it with my own eyes. I wish I could...see...you grow up and find that healer..."

"Mother!"

She smiled again, but sadly as her body grew weaker. "She'll be even more beautiful then me, stronger than me. Don't let her go...Rem...em...ber me... Don't make..the...same...mistake. Sesshou..."

Her hand went limp. The warmth of her body drained away and her blood ceased to flow. The world took on shades of gray and all the color left his vision. Everything about her was gone, even that smile of hers was dead. Everything, everything killed because of him, his father. He wanted to shout at her, at his father, that this wound in his heart would never heal. He did hate his father and even his mother for leaving him alone. But the words wouldn't come, they were held back by tears of rage and frustration.

The storm stopped, and he looked up at a brilliant crescent moon.

And the darkness in his heart ate away all.

* * *

Sesshoumaru looked out at another moon, this time half full. He looked at the knife in his hand. It had caused so much pain, this symbol of his mother's sacrifice. She had sacrificed her vision and then her life. And even now the memory brought back those tears of rage. His hand painfully gripped the hilt and then released the object.

It fell and made a clattering sound on the floor beneath him. In the dark he could barely make out the stain left from his father carrying his mother into her room and laying her on the floor. He remembered that because that was when he passed out after mumbling something about demons and revenge. He had sworn revenge all the way back to the palace. He would have killed his father then if had been able to.

His mother had seen the future, maybe even in those last moments of life lived it, but she had not been able to stop herself from dying because of her love for his father. A love that was not returned. No, his father's feelings were wasted on a human. And when his memories did finally let him remember that night he became even more of a "demon." He couldn't forgive his father, or his stepmother and Inuyasha.

But that healer, Kikyou, had made him forget his vows of vengeance. But she was gone now and even the promise of a safe and happy life couldn't stop him. Not even Rin or his mother's last words could stop him. Not when he was so close.  
There was just one more person to kill now. And then it would all be over.

'I will have nothing after that.' The thought was strange, yet true. He would have nothing. But he would have revenge and that was enough.

Sesshoumaru turned to leave, but paused a moment longer to look at the bloodstains and the knife that he had dropped. Finally he picked up the knife and left his mother's room. It was time he make a decision.

* * *

The next day Sesshoumaru announced the winner. His choice was received with mixed results.  
Several woman cried, most of them screamed in outrage, and some of them were stunned into saying nothing. The council members, who were charged with crowd control, had several people (both noblewomen and their servants) arrested and several sent to the infirmary for fainting and outrageous behavior.

His choice had been a demoness who had all the qualities that the code of conduct required. She was fertile, came from a good family, pretty, and most importantly, would do everything he asked without question as long as she had a few comforts. Which was mainly sex and money, but that was fine with him.

She was escorted to his side, smiled triumphantly at the losers below her, and attached herself to his arm. Sesshoumaru turned to hit her, but stopped himself. He needed to present himself as the perfect gentleman. For now he would just have to grin and bare it.

The wedding would take place tomorrow night. And after that he, Jaken, and Rin would leave. Then he would never have to see his wife again except for when he had to come back for business. But hopefully she wouldn't have children. Even though that was part of the deal, he still didn't want a child.

It was foolish to think that the same thing that happened to him might happen to his child, but the thought wouldn't go away.  
That and the thought of this woman touching him filled him with disgust. Somehow abandoning her at the alter started to sound pretty good. But that, regrettably, was one of the things he also couldn't do.

The moment of horror over, Sesshoumaru detached himself from his fiancee and left to go to his own quarters to try to think of something to tell Rin. But upon going to her room he found her missing.

Remembering how Kikyou left, Sesshoumaru looked around for Jaken. But he was gone too.

'I'm overreacting. She's probably just picking flowers or something. Even though this would be the first time she's disobeyed my orders. But still this is nothing to worry about. Right?'

Sesshoumaru walked out of Rin's room and started to head for his own when he remembered something. Kikyou, Rin had really been attached to her. Maybe she was in her room.

Kikyou's room was simple, all white, and clean. A complete opposite to Rin's festive and brightly colored room where everything in it seemed messy yet comfortable. In Kikyou's room the silence seemed to weigh everything down. And the cleanness of it made it uncomfortable. That and because it was HER room. A place where he had never went in for obvious reasons. It was just an unspoken agreement between them to never go into the other's room. Especially because of that night between them.

Yet this room didn't seem to hold any of Kikyou's spirit. Unlike the previous rooms he had visited in, he could feel nothing here. Not even her scent.

When she had left, she had taken everything. Even a part of him.

Sesshoumaru realized he missed Kikyou. Her wit, her kindness, and especially her presence. Walking with her at his side, with Rin and even Jaken, those were the best days of his life.

Sesshoumaru started to turn towards the door, Rin wasn't here so there was no point in staying. But something caught his eye. Something black was in the far corner. Sesshoumaru stepped toward it and the faint smell of smoke reached his nose. Crouching, he shifted through what appeared to be the remains of burnt paper. Sesshoumaru stopped when he uncovered a few sheets of charred, but not destroyed, parchment. A diary perhaps? But since it was half burnt anything that he did read would only be half of a complete picture. And it would be inconsiderate of him to read Kikyou's private thoughts.

Not that any of those reasons stopped him of course.

"_-My honest feelings seem to get confused and tangled up in the feelings of the present. What I say to him isn't what I wanted to say at all. So confusing! When he doesn't pay attention to me I get so angry that I wish that I was sending him to hell and not Inuyasha! I just don't understand it at all. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time writing this and not just because I have no natural talent when it comes to writing._

_I took a breath and looked at his face. He's always gazing far into the distance and I get jealous that he's not paying attention to me. This sort of thing was suppose to be over when I was human. Because this must be PMS. Why else am I unable to control my emotions around him? If not then-"_

Sesshoumaru looked up from the letter, feeling like he had read something he shouldn't have, yet like he had finally begun to understand some of the mystery that is Kikyou. He was also feeling confused because he didn't know what this "PMS" thing is.

After several moments of trying to figure out what the hell "PMS" was and if it really made woman angry, Sesshoumaru turned to the next page.

"_-It's not like I'm turning into some kind of Kagome, I hope not because that would be really scary! It's bad enough that we share a soul and both know dog demons, but if we shared emotions too... Well technically we do, or did, but Never mind. It's just that I hate for him to act like he isn't listening to me! Or maybe he really wasn't listening to me which makes me even more angry! _

_Or maybe I'm just upset that I really poured out my heart to him. While we were talking it felt really familiar. Like I had exposed all of myself to him before. So much so that images that I didn't remember seemed to fill my head. Images from that night a few nights before when we were traveling and stayed up all night. I still can't remember what happened. I had wondered what happened, but at the time I thought it wasn't important. But now, now I'm just glad that he didn't hear anything I said. Maybe he doesn't remember anything about that night either. I hope not, Because I still feel for I-_

"She must have meant Inuyasha at that last part. I'm glad it was burned away, I have enough emotion baggage to deal with already," Sesshoumaru said aloud.

"_-And that's why I'm leaving. These memories of the things I said and did that I shouldn't have are torment enough. And my feelings are just too strong to ignore. I wanted to be there for him, be there for him even more then Rin. Because I felt...I felt needed by his side. I didn't feel alone and unwanted. Even with my own sister Kaede I felt replaced. Replaced with a copy of myself. But to Rin it doesn't matter that I'm not alive. She doesn't compare me to Kagome or distrust me. And Sesshoumaru...I guess I just wanted a friend. If I can even call him that. It felt nice talking to him, even when he is a jerk. Like now._

_I need to find out for myself where my true feelings lie. I can't continue to be with Sesshoumaru when I'm really thinking about Inuyasha. It's not fair to either of us. _

_If I really love Inuyasha, then I'm not coming back."_

"So, you won't be coming back then? And you finally remember that night. Well some of it anyway. But it doesn't matter. Stay with that half-demon then. You can die with him too." These cold words seemed to help numb the pain, but it didn't strengthen his spirit.

Standing up, Sesshoumaru bound the letters together and left the room with them. There might still be a use for them in the future.

* * *

The night of the wedding came and still Rin was missing and Sesshoumaru felt a piece of himself missing too. He worried about Rin's safety, but Sesshoumaru knew no one in his kingdom would dare to harm her and he could still sense her aura. She was still in the palace.  
Yet he still couldn't devote himself to the ceremony. The fact that he felt anything at all, be it worry for Rin or his feelings for Kikyou, was enough to ruin everything. He was not suppose to feel anything! So why this longing? These feelings of regret...when would it go away?

'I feel like I lost something precious,' Sesshoumaru thought to himself and looked out of the corner of his eye at his "bride" to see that he wasn't the only one not listening to the marriage vows. She seemed to be daydreaming about something. Probably sex and money again. Those two things seemed to be the only thing in her head. And if not that then the woman next to him must be thinking about her new status, or family obligation. Status and appearances, maybe they had something in common then.

He couldn't help but feel envious of both Kikyou and Rin, they were far from here. The both of them were doing whatever they wanted.

But they're human. The very species which he was suppose to hate. Yet why couldn't he hate them?

Especially Kikyou. Hadn't she just walked out on him? On **them**, leaving Rin sad and disillusioned and him heartbroken.

'Heartbroken...is that what I am?' Sesshoumaru was so stunned by this revelation he felt like the ground had feel out from beneath him.

Sesshoumaru realized he wanted Kikyou back, and Rin back, and his old life back. 'How could you leave me? I should have no regrets, yet here I am. Won't that sweet oblivion come back? So I won't have to feel this,' he prayed as the minister droned on, oblivious to his lord's doubts.

_"I guess I just wanted a friend."_

'And what about what I wanted? Did you think of that at all when you left?'

_"I can't continue to be with Sesshoumaru when I'm really thinking about Inuyasha. It's not fair to either of us."_

'You used me! Was I nothing more than a pretty face to you? One that reminded you of Inuyasha? I don't want this.'

_"Don't let her go,"_ his mother's words this time._ "The person that heals this wound. Don't let her go."_

'I don't want this, I don't want this life. But it's too late...''

_"You'll lose something too by sacrifice. Think of me when you do."_

'Mother. Kikyou. Rin. I just can't be what you want me to be.'

_"Because I love you, and I want to be with you. Even if it hurts." _

"Kikyou..."

_"Can you understand this? My love? Are you ready to accept it?"_

"What did you say my Lord?"

Sesshoumaru looked up, brought back to the present and into this awful ceremony by the minister's voice. He looked around him, around this room at the back of the castle only reserved for ceremonies, at the decorations and the people that surrounded him. Was this what he wanted? Did he really want to give away his freedom? Stifle his desires for what duty demanded of him?

He looked at the small man in front of him and nodded for him to continue. There was no way to escape this now. Like it or not this had to continue. He had to get married. Unlike Kikyou, he wasn't free to do as he wanted. He almost envied the priestess for having the guts to run away. But if he ran away what would his people think of him? What would become of them? And it was clear Kikyou wasn't coming back.

_"I love you." _Kikyou's words, his mother's words._  
_

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes to find his darkness had been replaced with the image of moonlight and tears. Kikyou's tears and his own when he had cried for his mother. Now he understood his mother's pain after all these years. This must have been what she felt everyday living with his father, unable to ever get him to love her and unable to leave him because of Sesshoumaru and their promise.

"Now, before you two are untied each of you must give something up. Anything that will signify your eternal bound. Let us chant and let your decision be the right one."

_"You'll lose something too by sacrifice."_

'How right she was, I'll lose everything by sacrifice.,' Sesshoumaru thought to himself as he watched the woman next to him throw a very large and expensive jewel necklace made for this occasion into the fire.

"How befitting. Something expensive and exquisite for an equally expensive and exquisite person." He meant to think rather then say this, but it came out of his mouth instead.

"Excuse me?" Her shocked eyes and tone of voice seemed to suggest that she was a very bad at faking ignorance or she couldn't take criticism.

"You heard me. I'm nothing but another expensive thing to wear around your neck. You want me for no other reason besides the fact that I'm handsome and am a king, am I right?"

The crowd in back of them started to whisper to themselves, but his bride said nothing and instead glared at him to continue or retract his statement. Confirming his suspensions, Sesshoumaru turned once again toward the minister in front of him.

"You said it can be anything, as long as it signifies our love. Right?"

"That is correct my Lord," The minister replied, amused that for once things didn't' seem to go as plan.

Sesshoumaru pulled his waist length hair over his shoulder then produced his mother's dagger from his pocket. The crowd, his bride, and the minister, thought he was going to slit his throat and rushed forward to stop him.

But it was too late. In one quick slash he had cut his hair. His once long locks fell into the fire. Now Sesshoumaru had short, ear length hair. He smiled, a small smile of success, and turned to look at his shocked bride.

"There I choose to sacrifice my hair. And something else for that matter." He grabbed his bride's wrist and dragged her out of the room after pocketing the knife once again. The crowd, and the priest, followed them from room to room until finally they came upon the servants quarters.

The servants looked up, surprised to see an entire wedding party barging in on their little break. Sesshoumaru ordered two servants to bring him clothes and makeup.

The servants came back with both of the articles and a mirror as well. Sesshoumaru paused to look at his reflection. He might never see that self again.

Finally he let go of his brides hand, reached out, grabbed the makeup and a black and maroon and poorly taken care of version of his own clothes and went into an empty room by himself.

Sesshoumaru locked the door him. The screaming crowd behind him and his wife who demanded to know what he was going to do to himself.

Sesshoumaru smiled again. He was pleased with himself and it was amusing to go against their expectations. So they cared that much about their "lord's" appearance. They were more vain then he himself had been.

After throwing off his old garments he put on the new ones and covered up his demonic tattoos with the makeup given to him. After looking into the mirror and reattaching his old weapons and things, the end result was that he looked like a completely different person. Not at all like his previous self. It was hard to tell if he was even a demon in this getup. But it would serve his purposes.

"Sesshoumaru, you open this door now! Don't ruin yourself, you're much too handsome for that! We can talk about this! Just open the damn door!"

'Her voice...So annoying.' Sesshoumaru thought with a satisfied smirk. 'Let's see how she likes her "husband" after this.'

Sesshoumaru unlocked the doors and opened them. The first person to fall into the room was his wife. The crowd had been smarter and hadn't leaned on the doors. She didn't look at him until she had gotten up and dusted herself off.

When she did look at him, she had too look around, over, and under him in order to believe it was him. "What...What...What..." Seemed to be all she could say.

To add to the effect he raised his arms, smiled, and said in a very sweet voice: "What's the matter, honey? Something wrong?"

She screamed, the crowd screamed with her, and then she fainted. He picked her up and handed her to the nearest person. After that he addressed everyone present and for once showed his anger.  
Grasping the ends off the doors in order to keep from ripping the crowd apart he gave each and everyone of them a piece of his mind.

"This tradition, this wedding ceremony, duty, honor, whatever you assholes like to call it is a complete waste of time and has destroyed my family. You people and your gossip, lies, and fears have shaped me, them, all of us noblemen and women. You've turned us into slaves for a system which doesn't even exist anymore! From now on I'll look like this, I'll dress like this, and I'll say any damn thing that I want to say! Do any of you spineless dogs have anything to say about that?"

The crowd shook there heads and muttered their apologies. Sesshoumaru, satisfied with his answer stepped forward. The crowd parted for him and he head for to the room he and his wife were going to share. But they wouldn't consummate their marriage now.

Sesshoumaru turned to one of the servants and spoke to him. "I would like to be alone, so take "my wife" and put her in her own room. Of if that's not avaliable anymore any where's fine as long as she's out of my way for a few hours. And...If you see a little human girl, Rin, let me know. You know where to find me."

"Yes, my-"

"Just Sesshoumaru will do. Thanks."

The servant, shocked by this sudden kindness from a demon who he had previously thought of as cold as ice, bowed and left to do as Sesshoumaru said.

'So a demon can become a man. Thank you mother, I do remember you.'

Maybe it was just his imagination, but for a second it seemed like he could see his mother's smile. And that, if only temporarily, replaced the darkness in his heart.

* * *

The room, what was known a a honeymoon suite, was decorated completely in red. Red was probably the theme because of the belief that it would increase passion. Not like all the candles, flowers, and other mushy junk in the room would have been able to make him love that woman for even a second.

As the rush of satisfaction that his actions had produced started to wind down, Sesshoumaru looked toward the bed that he would be sleeping in. His eyes widen as a person he hadn't expected to be there was resting against the pillows. He couldn't believe she was real.

Kikyou. The person that had left him exactly 6 ago. The very person that had joined his group at the beginning of spring.

The person that had changed him.

But she had changed too. He could feel it as well as see that she had changed. Her red and white clothing had been replaced with all red robes. The color of her clothes had made her blend in with the scenery and the flowers in this room had hidden her scent. No wonder he hadn't been able to see her when he first walked in.

Kikyou opened her eyes and sat up, she smiled at him. A smile that was both amused and impatient. No ounce of hesitation or dilemma as she looked him over.

"Surprised to see me, Sesshoumaru?"

"You...Why are you here?" Sesshoumaru asked, suspicious about her motives. Why had she come back? Why now? And why did she have to bring all those memories and feeling with her?

_"I am not a human, at least not anymore...Plus you must be Sesshoumaru, the lord around here."_

_"You have once again guessed correctly, and who might you be?" _

All of his feelings for her came rushing back. Hatred, betrayal, sadness, pain, friendship.

_"I am Kikyou. And it is a pleasure to meet you Sesshoumaru since you were the one I was looking for." _

Love. Sesshoumaru walked toward her until they were face to face. Kikyou knelt in front of him on the bed, staring him in the eye with her hands on her hips.

"You came back..."

"Why shouldn't I have?" Kikyou replied.

"You were able to recognize me."

"I will always be able to do that, so don't act so surprised. Even if you dressed like a woman or shaved your head. I don't just look at that pretty face of yours, I look at your spirit. You don't really know me if you think I'm like all those women out there, do you?" Kikyou said while pointing her thumb at the wall behind her to indicate the other people in the castle who were still distraught over Sesshoumaru's new appearance.

"Why?" Sesshoumaru asked. "Why would you come back. How come you aren't like them? Why?"

"Because I'm different. I'm a priestess and undead. I don't like jewelry or makeup. I'm not dumb, nor easy to please. I'm emotionless toward certain people," Kikyou smiled knowingly at Sesshoumaru. "But able to feel for others. I hate your brother's guts, yet love I love him too. And I love you and Rin. I don't call you lord. I'm not impressed with your looks. I tell you half of what you should know, and part of what you shouldn't but always the truth. I'm able to keep up with your words and your mind and your terrible personality. I'm Kikyou, the priestess of the dead and the disillusioned."

"And that's your reason? That doesn't explain anything! Why did you leave? Where have you been? Do you remember everything about our night together?"

Kikyou sighed and fell back against the bed again. "Hey, hey, hey, what is this? Fifty questions? Maybe you shouldn't dress like a regular human too often, hubby."

"What did you just call me?" Sesshoumaru's left eye twitched. Now that she was back, Sesshoumaru was reminded of Kikyou's annoying habit of teasing him. only she could make him desire her and yet want to hate her at the same time. Now he felt like Kikyou should have taken a longer vacation.

"Hubby, darling, husband. A pet name. We are in a honeymoon suite after all. Speaking of which they have the most delicious chocolates under these pillows...But never mind about that. I'll answer your questions."

Kikyou sat back up and gave him another teasing smile, "That letter... You read it? I can tell by the look on your face that you did. That was planted there for you to read. I wouldn't be so stupid as to burn a letter that meant a lot to me in a corner of a room. That could start a fire and I would have stuck around in order to see if all of it had burned. I knew you would visit my room sometime and read it. I deliberately left that letter to see if you had enough guts to enter a lady's room, and if you cared about what I thought. I should tell you now, before you continue to think you have me all figured out, that half of the things in that letter were fake. But some of the things I wrote were true. I really was anger when you didn't listen to me Sesshoumaru. I still am," Kikyou said as she poked Sesshoumaru's forehead to indicate his newlywed status."

"And if I hadn't read it?"

Kikyou reached up and ruffled his short hair. "Then I would have been extremely pissed off and made sure you suffered for eternity! But you DID read it. What did I just tell you? I love to keep you guessing. The part about me remembering that night is true. So is what I feel toward you and Rin. But I have never confused you with Inuyasha, I'm not as stupid as Inuyasha or else we wouldn't have made a good couple. I remember kissing you. I got my memory back before we had that argument in the garden. In fact I've known about our kiss for awhile. Pretty good acting, huh?"

"You...you-"

"I fooled you! You, the Lord of the Western lands! And I got away with it too! But enough about that. I can't believe you became an air head in the middle of my speech about why you shouldn't get married! I told you all the reasons why it wasn't fair for Rin to have a mother that wasn't me, and why you would be so unhappy, and that it would get in the way of our mission! So I left to see if maybe I could deal with Inuyasha better than I could deal with you. I left Rin and Jaken to tell you where I was going after I had written a letter to Inuyasha telling him all the things I couldn't tell him years ago."

"What happened then?"

Kikyou sighed. "I found Inuyasha, he's not in the place I found him at anymore by the way. He still has the hots for Kagome and his friends are still meddling. I tried giving him the letter and tell him what I really felt. But the whole thing was even more annoying then dealing with you and Jaken on a daily basis."

Kikyou's eyes filled with disappointment and regret. "I tried to tell him my true feelings. I tried to tell him what I told you. And most importantly, I tried to find in him the things that I enjoyed in our relationship. But I couldn't. We had just grown too far apart, so far we could no longer reach each other. Eventually I gave up and left without telling him goodbye. What was the point? We would have just drawn out something which neither of us deserved or wanted anymore. And now I'm here. With you. The days I spent traveling, trying to return to you, I've went through a lot. I tried living with out you. Living with someone else. Even tried to leave behind my heart. But I couldn't do it. Every time I would continue to turn back to the memories of us. I got lost, ended up in numerous horrible situations and places, and yet I continued on my quest to see you. I wanted to see you in order to tell you that I remember, and that I'm sorry. That I'm sorry for leaving you all alone."

"If you are sorry," Sesshoumaru finally said. "Then answer one question."

"Anything."

"Why did you stage that night, the night we kissed. Why?"

Kikyou smiled again. "Because I had to see if what we had could be classified as friendship or love, and if was destined to be with Inuyasha or you. I would have just kissed you with out telling you anything about Inuyasha and me, but I knew that wouldn't work and that I couldn't kiss you with a guilty conscience. I wanted to see if I'm right, and I do want to be with you, or if I'm wrong."

"And are we destined for friendship or more?" Sesshoumaru asked, anticipating her answer with a mixture of dread and excitement.

"I can't tell you. You have to decide for yourself. Me? I'm already decided." Kikyou replied with her usual wicked humor.

Sesshoumaru sighed. He probably should have known something like this would happen. "Then I guess I worried over me taking advantage of you for nothing."  
Kikyou reached out for him and her hands grasped both sides of his face. Closing the distance between him she whispered, "That's right, but you're a fool, doggy, if you think you can take advantage of me. If you were going to ravish me you would have done it when we first kissed. You didn't even try to grope me, even after I fainted by the way."

"Hmph, that trick won't work on me twice," Sesshoumaru said, slightly embarrassed at having been made a fool of. Again. He could leave for a thousand years and he'd never figure this woman out.

"Awwww, you're blushing! Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? I was going to give you a friendly kiss, but Rin can easily handle that. Can't you Rin?"

Rin hopped out from under the bed and smiled up at Sesshoumaru and Kikyou. "Ta-da! Rin is here! Rin is here! Rin has been here all along~!" Rin sang and danced around the room. Jaken rolled out from out from under the bed, gagged and tied up to prevent him from ruining the surprise but very much alive and, it seemed, pleased to see Sesshoumaru even if he had lost some of his regal good looks.

Kikyou leaned in further to whisper in his ear. "See, we didn't really leave you after all. We're all right here. We'll always be here, Sesshoumaru."

Despite himself, Sesshoumaru whispered back to Kikyou as he embraced her. "I know, because I sacrificed everything for the both of you. Kikyou, Rin, I'm not letting you leave me again."

_After the coldness of winter comes the rebirth of spring, the warm hope of summer, and the carefree days of fall. _

_The years will change, seasons will come and go, but you'll still be free to be happy. _

_Someone will fill the space that was lost years ago, believe me. _

_Believe my words._

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Yes, finally ! This is the end of part one of this fan fiction! 28 whole pages for this chapter. Plenty of time, blood, sweat, and tears went in to this chapter so I'm pretty happy with it.  
I know that you, the reader, may not be because of the last part. Sesshoumaru was really out of character. But that's what he sacrificed. His appearance.

You see, he sacrificed something that meant a lot to him but was giving him plenty of grief because of it and wasn't representing his true self. Just like his parent's marriage, it was all a fake and based on nothing but appearances. So he cut his hair and got rid of his handsome good looks in order to prove to his wife, the kingdom, and everyone the he hated that he wasn't their puppet and that he was a person and not an object that they could control.

About confusing terms in this chapter, one that I use a lot is darkness. It's not darkness such as the one you see when you forget to turn on your nightlight at night. I'm talking about the darkness of the mind and the absence of emotion. That and the power gained from this darkness. I also use that term in, you guessed it, my RK/Inuyasha crossover "Darkness." Sesshoumaru had given up the life he could have had, a happy one filled with love and good stuff, in order to get revenge. The happy ending at the end of this chapter doesn't mean he's fully changed or given up on that goal, it just means he has people now to help see that there are other things in life besides revenge.

Kikyou, sadly, had to disappear for most of this chapter in order for it to really focus on Sesshoumaru and his life, past and present. I wanted to make his past one of the major events, and Sesshoumaru's past will come up again and create conflict. Also, about that kiss scene between both Sesshoumaru and Kikyou. That doesn't mean they're officially a couple yet. They have a long way to go, but they're getting there.

Sesshoumaru's mother...I had a hard time with Sesshoumaru's past. I wanted to do something different. So I played around with the image of his mother. I wanted her to seem different from the other versions of his that you see (or saw in fan fiction prior to the end of the _Inuyasha_ manga/anime), so I gave her the ability to see the future, turned her into a blind woman, and made her seem frail and self-sacrificing. I also played around with the idea of Sesshoumaru's father and mother's past and their love for each other. I turned it into more of a tragic friendship.

I also made Sesshoumaru seem emotionally unstable for a reason. I think that everyone sort of puts on an act, so him being all badass and cold is just a way for him to hid his uncertainty and feelings. I think the coolest scene in this was the one where Sesshoumaru turned from a prince into a regular guy and when Sesshoumaru almost killed Inuyasha's mother. I liked the scene with Sesshomaru's stepmom because it seemed cool when he got all sadistic and mad. It played out really well in my mind.

The castle was something which I didn't go into detail so you, the reader, will have to use your imagination.

The dream sequence was suppose to be weird and disturbing. I can't write a chapter with out adding some kind of horror to it. That's just my style. I like to add dream sequences and rain a lot for some weird reason. It breaks an unwritten rule of writing good fiction, no dream sequences, but dreams can tell us what we are worried about or point out things in our past and present. Also, rain is cleansing. To me it signifies a devastating change, such as a storm, or a gentle baptism, a chance to start over, and rain is needed to grow crops so it can be seen in fiction an opportunity for growth or important revelations that lead to emotional growth. Or this is bs and me just trying to justify my interests. Either interpretation is fine.

Kikyou's behavior was, as always, funny yet mysterious. She has this Sherlock Holmes kind of thing going on at the end of almost every chapter. I almost feel like I should write a fan fiction about Kikyou coming back from the dead and solving mysteries. I love how she explained her actions and described herself to Sesshoumaru, that part was great to write.

Now for some of the terms used in the story:

_Even though he didn't want to it was expected of him and without getting married he would never really be considered as the true king. Already some doubt and suspicion was arising because of his long absences. And king or no king, the people still mattered. Though something in the back of his head begged to differ with his reasons for going through with this.(1 see end of chapter)_

This part was originally something else in the first draft. I got rid of it though because it didn't seem to fit and I didn't like the flow of the words.

_The elderly demon continued. "Soon this life will fade, the skies will cease to set, and great destruction will come down upon us. But before this, we the proud Dog Clan ( see end of chapter) will continue to obey this code. Which states as follows..."_

I had to create a whole culture for Sesshoumaru's clan as well. And I did make it clan with rules, prophecies (which were supposed to connect to a cancelled fan fiction of mine "Curse of Humanity," but it's not important to this story and I'm not writing it), and their own ceremonies.

"_And finally, law 568 states that on a demon kings() 50th year that said demon king must wed a woman of proper birth. This woman must also obey by the codes, be able to birth children, and pay homage to our gods. This wedding IS (this empathies was made from a coughing fit by the reader of the list) required. If the king fails to wed then great calamity will come upon us."_

Another term from "Curse of Humanity!" In CoH, the west, east, north, and south are all ruled by different demon kinds and clans, and the skies above them as well. The rest of this, the part that doesn' t say demon kings, is about the marriage laws I mentioned earlier. Don't say anything horrible about them! I'm not a lawyer! I just tried to think of some grave, ceremony that would tie everything together yet was unique enough to fit a demon culture. Wedding ceremonies, Japanese and American/European ones, I have no knowledge of and didn't seem to fit the story. Though I was inspired to make everything red in the end since some cultures see red as a lucky color and use it at weddings.

**[SPOILERS FOR THE ANIME/Manga and an important announcement about this fan fiction.]**

**Also, and I know someone in the future will write a review about this, but when I first began writing this fan fiction and my other Inuyasha fan fictions in 2003 and 2004 both the _Inuyasha_ anime and manga were ongoing. I now know, thanks to Wikipedia, that Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's parents have names, that Kikyou died at the end of the anime/manga, and that Sesshoumaru's love interest (as hinted at in the manga and anime apparently) was Kagura. But my fan fiction concerns the events of Inuyasha in the time period it was written and does not have anything to do with the original plot, this is an alternate universe story. **

Sorry to put everything in bold, but I felt the need to issue a warning. I also felt guilty about not issuing a warning or something like it as I re-read this chapter (in the year 2012 for the record) since I never finished reading Inuyasha. I'll admit it. I never finished the anime either. I just really like this couple, even now. And since my fan fiction has nothing to do with the original story I'm going to try to finish this. Though I find it funny to think about how many people wrote about Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's parents and got it wrong, though I wonder how many people were close to the truth. But I was so far off the mark about everything that it's kind of funny now. But I did save my bacon by not including any names, so I don't have to worry about creating names for their parents now.

I also wonder how many Sess/Kik fans remain. Seeing how the ending of _Inuyasha_ has both Sesshoumaru and Kagura's have a pretty close relationship (or so Wikipedia tells me) did anyone switch sides and are now a Sess/Kag fan? I'm just not a fan of that couple, sorry. I don't know if finishing the anime and/or manga would change my mind or not, but I've never been a fan of that couple. Just like I'm not a Sess/Rin fan or a Sess/Kagome fan. It's kind of sad how in the anime/manga Sesshoumaru and Kikyou have such little interaction with each other but me and my fellow Sess/Kik fans still, I hope, see so much potential for them. They really are similar in character, and look good together. Also, I've always been kind of a Koga/Kagura fan (opposites attract, and in fan fiction hatred is just a reluctant love) and I was, at one time, a fan of interesting pairings with Kikyou such as Koga/Kikyou or Miroku/Kikyou just because they were impossible. Though strangely I always resisted Sesshoumaru with anyone else but Kikyou because, upon reading such fan fiction like a certain slave romance one (not pointing fingers though, I don't even remember the title and it was a long time ago) they always portrayed Kikyou as some evil slut or something, so Inuyasha/Kikyou or Kikyou/Sesshoumaru fan fiction was a welcome relief from all the hate. And I can't support a Sess/Rin pairing because Rin's a little girl when Sesshoumaru meets her, so their relationship is father and daugher. As for Sesshoumaru and Kagome, Kagome has Inuyasha and I'm not a fan of Kagome (but I don't hate her either).

But enought about me and my preferences.

That's about it, I have nothing else to tell you, dear reader. Sorry for the long author's notes and the super long chapter. I hope you enjoyed at least some part of this chapter. Don't leave a flame, but do leave a nice review.

Thank you for reading and look forward to Summer!


	6. Summer Chapter One

Been a long time hasn't it? Sorry about that. I've been busy.  
Four Season

Ch.5: Summer -Prequel-

* * *

It was over, this first season. Sesshoumaru looked up at the sky to the scattered clouds. The temperature was rising. Summer was here. From his view point he could see the courtyard leading away from this palace and the mountains bordering these lands beyond that.

Waiting for him. People were waiting for him. Kikyou stood at a distance with one hand on her hip, the red and white of her robes standing out against the muted colors of the morning. Rin stood besides her. The both of them were carrying small packages. Gifts from the bride.

Sesshoumaru's wife stood over him, her hair undone and in waves across her neck and shoulders, covering the tribal tattoos of their race. Her cold eyes bore into his shoulder, giving him an angry-amused glare as she went over the nights events in her mind. She leaned more against the door frame and shifted her shoulders slightly. The rustling of fabric seemed very loud. She could have at least had the decency to put on something more appropriate, to at least cover up what they had to do last night.

"So you're leaving me for them?"

Sesshoumaru nodded, tightening a lace on his boot. Those cold eyes would never understand him and they wouldn't be warmed by summer either. Nor by the fact that she had everything except his love. Maybe this was how his mother had felt? Then again this woman was not his mother no matter how similar their circumstances were.

"Would you like me to apologize, Mitsu?"

His wife chuckled and looked away. "You, My Lord, apologize? That human woman must have really gotten to you."

Sesshoumaru finished tying his boots and stood up, his now short hair fluttering in the early morning wind. His eyes were equally cold. "She's not a human, not anymore."

"Whatever she is, she's changed you."

"..."

"You won't tell me anything. I know I'm just a trophy wife, I can't expect much. But Sesshoumaru-"

Sesshoumaru turned away, he reattached his swords to himself and picked up the small package that Mitsu had wrapped for him. It was the symbol of their union, the maroon and black clothing that he had worn the night Kikyou had come back. For some reason he didn't wish to part with it, yet he didn't wear them either. Even though he couldn't get his old self back by just wearing his old clothing again and acting as he always did..

He looked back to where Kikyou and Rin was waiting. Kikyou's face was a mask of impatience, she didn't seem to be jealous or even surprised at what he had to do. They both have their duties after all.  
As Sesshoumaru started to walk away Mitsu called to him:

"Sesshoumaru, if you end up like your father. Kill yourself."

Sesshoumaru looked back.

"Kill yourself for me. And if not for me then for all of us, your tribe, and for yourself. It would be better to die than bring disgrace." _Like your father_, were the words she didn't add but were implied nonetheless.

"I know." Sesshoumaru turned back. "But it's already too late."

"You mean... you-"

As if not hearing her next words, Sesshoumaru left without another look back.

(Chapter end)

* * *

Sorry guys, this is just a filler chapter that introduces the characters and how they are since Spring. I wanted a sort of one-shot feel to every chapter but I guess that dream just flew out the window.

Anyway, bye y'all. See ya next time.


	7. Summer Chapter Two

**Author's Notes:** Once again I reach out my hand toward my muse. And once again she slaps me in my face. '- So sorry if it sucks.

Disclaimer: Remember seeing this before? Yeah, neither do I. Don't own, never will, wish I did. There.

* * *

Four Seasons: Summer: Chapter 2

"Wow, she gave us cakes!"

Kikyou exclaimed and picked up one of the small individually wrapped packages of pastry and smiled brightly for Rin to take her mind off who had handed them the gift. Mitsu was not pleased to find that she had a step-daughter of sorts and Rin herself wasn't exactly overjoyed to have a new mother when the one she wanted as her mother was Kikyou.

Rin looked down glumly at the small identical package in her hand as Sesshoumaru watched from afar.

"Jaken, don't you agree this gift is delightful?"

Even Jaken seemed to not agree with Lady Mitsu being around his "lord."

Kikyou looked hopelessly between Jaken and Rin, finally turning to look down at the cake cradled in her hands. Giving up with a sigh, Kikyou's face twitched for a quarter second before tossing the cake back into the opened box and settling back into a more comfortable and familiar facial expression.

"Well, she's a bitch. But her cooking isn't so bad. That's about it."

Rin looked up at Kikyou and giggled, Sesshoumaru unclenched his fist and sighed as well. Kikyou's bluntness, as harsh as it was at least it wasn't a lie even if her words were crude.

As Sesshoumaru stood up to stretch Kikyou looked up at him to test his bond with his wife.

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Hmmm... I agree."

They were currently outside a waterfront town deciding which presents from Mitsu to discard and which to sell. As nice as the gesture had been it was nothing but a layer of deceit for Mitsu to hide her true feelings about Sesshoumaru's companions.

Sesshoumaru looked up at the setting sun. The dwindling light doing nothing to ease the heat and casting harsh shadows against the ground. The ocean breeze carried with it the scents of sea salt and frying fish as the night settled in. The area teemed with life.

"This is annoying."

"Hmm, what is?" Kikyou looked away from the piece of candy she had her eye on to look up at Sesshoumaru. She seemed to be the only one looking through the packages. She was even stashing a few trinkets within the confines of her robe or munching on a few before tossing the rest of the box away like a child. Introducing Kikyou to the world of sweets had been a mistake. It was not as if her body needed the nourishment anyway. The thought of a chubby Kikyou seemed to linger in his mind despite this fact.

"You, pretending if you're happy. All of you."

Kikyou looked from him to her sticky hands and licked an index finger. "I am not lyng. You're just grumpy because of the heat."

Sesshoumaru's left eyebrow twitched. This woman... Her keen sense of observation could become annoying sometimes.

Sesshoumaru had always hated the summer. Mainly because of the heat, but also because in the summer large amounts of time seemed to just disappear and idle days like this one lasted forever. Wasting time like this was unbearable for someone like him.

Grabbing the hand that reached for the next brightly wrapped box, Sesshoumaru dragged Kikyou off of the porch they were on and into the twilight lit depths of the inn.

Stopping in front of a basin of water in the hall, Sesshoumaru dipped her hand into it, muttering: "You're a mess."

"Thank you mother," Kikyou replied. Her voice seemed softer, making the bite of her joke diminish.

"Stop trying to act as if you're strong."

"Wha?" Kikyou's startled reflection in the water and voice expressed surprise at Sesshoumaru's concern. Astonishment that Sesshoumaru felt at his own actions. Why the hell was he taking care of her anyway?

Kikyou's wrist was cold in his hand and her pallor matching the white china of the bowl. Her wrist went limp in his hand, resistance forgotten. The ripples in the water distorted her face like the truth they both vainly tried to conceal.

"I'm not... I'm not acting strong. I'm just acting."

Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder at her, Kikyou's face seemed relived. Her shoulders lowered from a burden that he hadn't noticed.

"I'm just acting. I don't know how it is to be my real self."

"You could start by trying not to make light of the situation. I'm married, Rin's unhappy about it, leave it at that."

As he released her wrist and returned to Rin, Kikyou stayed behind. Only her words followed him.

"I wasn't trying to help her, I was trying to help you."

* * *

The unexpected summer storm, the last rage of spring against summer, stirred the waves about. The white sand was made soft by the sudden rain and turned dark and the beach was suddenly empty. In this new found silence Sesshoumaru sat once again in the rain.

'It's always raining,' this was the first thought that came to him since he decided to meditate here. If you could call staring off in to space meditating. It's become a habit for Sesshoumaru to seek out quite places to be alone when troubled.  
It is not that he felt anything from Kikyou's words, it's just that sometimes the noise became too much for him to handle. People, demons, they're hard to handle for someone who has relied on himself for so long that the silence is comforting. The silence doesn't ask anything from him, it doesn't need him to be strong or admit anything. The silence doesn't look up to him or speak to him at all, it just exists.

The silence doesn't try to help either.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and laid back against the sand. The dampness of his clothes a testimony to how long he'd been there. Letting his mouth open the tiniest bit he tasted the rain. Salty, like the ocean. Or tears.

Despite her happiness at being with Sesshoumaru again Rin had cried once he explained his married status. And Kikyou had been indifferent. It wasn't Rin's tears that had disturbed him, Sesshoumaru had expected those tears. If Rin hadn't cried that would have threw him off. Even he had cried when his father had remarried, but not in front of others.

But Kikyou had just smiled. A soft smile to herself by while down at the small urn that held the burnt remains of his hair and Mitsu's necklace. A smile that wasn't different from any of her other smiles. But her eyes had been cold. Cold and impossibly emotionless, as if something had broken down, started up, and broken down again. A candle blown out. Yet, even though her eyes held indifference (and maybe) sorrow, the smile had been there, as if saying: "You can take his body, but I have everything else."

But those were just his feelings, not hers. The smile was probably for Rin.

Those were his weak feelings. It seemed Kikyou could care less.

"What's wrong with me?" Sesshoumaru said, speaking his thoughts aloud.

"You still sitting in the rain? You keep this up and not only will you catch a cold, I wouldn't be surprised if you became so depressed that we'll be hearing you sing about your dead father or something." Kikyou stood over him. No umbrella in her hands this time. The rain had cleared up.

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes and looked into Kikyou's eyes. The coldness was still there, it had never left. But there was also honest concern. Kikyou always seemed to appear when he need her the most.

"Hmph, as if you haven't anything to sing about."

"No one wants sad love songs anymore, they all want rhymes about sex. Which I have little experience in, unless you want to help." Kikyou smiled, it was slow to spread across her face and seemed to settle in with the ease of a spider spinning a web. Slow and beautiful at the finish.

A faint warmth was raising on his face, hopefully faint enough that she wouldn't notice and disturbing because this was the first time that something like this had ever happened to him outside of childhood. Angered by his feelings, Sesshoumaru glared and sat up, shaking the sand out of his short hair.  
"Aha, I'll take that as a no?"

"Why are you here?"

Kikyou sat besides him and laid her head on his shoulder. The waves crashed at their feet and the fading sunlight highlighted her brown eyes. With one hand on his upper arm, she intertwined her other fingers with his. The feel of her fingers and palm was strange. For someone so strong her hand was small and delicate.

"It's always raining when I'm near you. Maybe we're just meant not to be." The soft tones of her voice masked her anguish.

No, Kikyou wasn't emotionless. He could see that now. Like himself, Kikyou masked her feelings behind false cheerfulness or detachment.

Sesshoumaru looked off into the sunset, watching the sea reflect the violent and orange colors of the fading light. Or rather they both tried to be indifferent but failed. Somehow, some part of him wished it was her and not Mitsu he had married and another part wished that all of this had never happened. Meeting Kikyou, going back home, part of Sesshoumaru wished that his life would return to the way it was. That Inuyasha had just stayed asleep and Kikyou had stayed dead or that the both of them had stayed together and the hell away from him. That they were faraway and Kikyou didn't know of his existence. They would be happy now wouldn't they? Children, probably. And every girl would look like Kikyou.

But reality was cruel. And she was here, intertwining her fingers with his and not Inuyasha. And though Sesshoumaru was grateful that it was him and not Inuyasha Kikyou chose he still hurt. Not physical pain, but some old wound inside him was being peeled open and there was no way to stitch it back together anymore.

"I'm not going back."

Sesshoumaru turned to Kikyou as her voice startled him from his thoughts.

"I'm not going back to the way I was. I'm not going anywhere either. If you need me-"

"You'll stay with me?"

"Yes."

And all at once he was laughing.

"You stay with me? You don't even know who you are. And I'm not about to tell you."

Kikyou looked down and smiled sadly at their overlapping hands. "It's okay." She closed her eyes, the blackness of her lashes falling against her pallid cheek stood out vividly. And her brief smile reminded him of the last light of the day. "It's not so bad to just accept what I am. But when I'm with you I want to be human, demon, anything but this. I can't even feel your handand that scares me."

It had never occurred to Sesshoumaru that Kikyou couldn't feel, physically and emotionally, but his words reminded him that despite her beauty, or her softness, she was clay, ashes, and stolen souls. Kikyou didn't exist. Rather or not she could feel the texture of his hand, his warmth, or even the cold water at her feet or the grit of the sand she was not alive, and never would be again.

'And yet you want to help me. Why not help your self, idiot?' Sesshoumaru thought. He couldn't fathom why she was so concerned for him instead of herself.

Instead of speaking his thoughts Sesshoumaru just sat there and watched her face contort, holding back frightened tears. Before, when they barely known each other, she had said that she hated everything living because it was alive. But that wasn't true, she was afraid of the living and envious because she was dead and they were not. While the living could feel and smile so easily, she had to fight for it. Fight against the very thing that was keeping her alive yet consuming her: hate.

"I don't need you to stay for my sake. I'm not that weak to ask for help."

Kikyou broke their contact and wiped at her eyes and then opened her mouth to take in air like as if she were drowning.

"Stupid, I know that," She managed to say. "I just want to stay anyway. You and Mitsu..."

Ah, so this was what this was about.

"You and Mitsu...Your face then. It seemed as if you wanted to cry."

Sesshoumaru's face betrayed his astonishment for once. "You were watching...the ceremony..."

"Yes, and that's when I decided. That I want to be besides you, always." Kikyou stood up and held out her hand toward him. White as a lily and hopelessly fragile, only her heart seemed to be strong and even that was breaking.

"If you can't cry, I'll cry for you. If you're angry, I'll sooth that anger. If you can't smile, I will. That's what it means to be a friend."

Friend, not lover. Just friends.  
"Idiot, I don't need friends. You and Rin are nothing more than aids in my fight. And who would cry over something so stupid. It's not like I'm a father, it's not like I believe in love. So stop speaking nonsense."

Kikyou stood in front of him, unmoving. That smile on her lips was waiting for him to admit something that he had known all along but never voiced.

"It's not like, I care if I become one or not. A father."

"Mitsu's child, he would be cute, wouldn't he? And every boy would look like you. We should get back to Rin and Jaken, they are probably tearing themselves apart by now."  
Her smile wasn't comforting. It was beautiful, breaking through the mask she was forced to wear and the shields around Sesshoumaru's heart.

Sesshoumaru looked up at her and brushed off her hand, standing on his own two feet. "We should prepare for tomorrow."

"Yes, thanks for letting me stay with you. It's not so fun to act alone, a play is better with two."

Kikyou turned around and started back with out him, heading towards the light of the inn and the two figures arguing on the porch. She didn't look back.

To accept a feeling and not look back on it. Free of guilt or shame. Because of that freedom Kikyou was a little stronger then himself. She was accepting things for the way they were, while he could not. Maybe it was because she knew that every moment she spent with him, Rin, and even Jaken was precious and just feeling something, regardless of whether or not it brought her pain, was better than feeling nothing at all. Even if that feeling was fear.

Why did things have to be the way they are? Is every being on the planet just moving in a circle, fighting a losing battle against destiny? These questions filled Sesshoumaru's mind as he watched Kikyou walk away.

Did it matter either way?

Sesshoumaru shook his head again, grains of sand falling like stardust.

They were actors in a play. An ancient fairytale that had no end in sight. The waves crashed against the beach, soothing the warm night like feelings to a heartbeat.

(Summer: Chapter 2 End)

* * *

**Author's Note:**This is one of the strangest chapters I've wrote. The theme was "the finality of friendship." Yet there didn't seem to be anything final about it. What about you, what do you think of this chapter?

I like the part where Kikyou intertwines her fingers with Sesshoumaru and the surprise ending. Well hopefully surprise. Sesshoumaru wasn't just unhappy about the marriage and not being with Kikyou, but about the fact that Mitsu could become pregnant. Given his history no wonder he would be just a little worried about how he would raise a child. Sesshoumaru's not exactly a role model parent, yet I think he would do fine. Kikyou is cute in this chapter because she not only senses his unease but cures it by going to talk to him and taking his mind off of it by talking about herself a little. And of course by asking to stay with him. I thought that was really cute. "If you can't cry, I'll cry for you. That's what it means to be a friend." Maybe a little corny, but I think that's what it means to be a friend. Friends are there for you, they laugh for your sake and cry for your sake too. Friends are selfless. Like a beach to waves, they take your abuse when you're upset, (who hasn't bitched at a friend for no reason?) and then make you smile.

Um... Yeah, we went off subject didn't we? And isn't this suppose to be romantic? Well, friends first romance later.

And to answer an (unasked) question. I like rain. I love rainy days. So that's why I added rain in this chapter yet again. It's romantic to be held in the rain. And it rains in the summer, so yeah, that's about it for including rain in many chapters.

Yet rain in a novel added with romance can signal a doomed romance. Hmm... Isn't' that Interesting if applied to this fan fiction? The brightest light is a dying light after all.

Well enough about that.

If anyone enjoyed this chapter, or just wants to write something about this series in general, please write a review or email me.  
Thanks in advance. See ya later.


	8. Summer Chapter Three

**Author's Notes: **I thought I should update. Thank you all for your kind reviews for this fan fiction of mine. I haven't had the time to respond to all of your reviews, but I will. I believe a personal response instead of just a general thanks all the time is not only beneficial to the readers, but the author as well. I always appreciate it when anyone thanks their fans for their support. So thank you.

This chapter is more action oriented, (not really, theirs a small mention of a battle scene) than dramatic and mostly deals with Kikyou. Yeah they finally move up a level.

* * *

Four Seasons: Summer: Chapter 3

She held on to his chest as if he were dying. Her cold hands were white flowers in the night. In between the pain and the veil of blood upon her face, Kikyou's smile came out of the haze of defeat to reassure him that he was still alive.

It wasn't as if he had expected anything less than a loss or a tie. Yet some part of him had known, even before the bright flash of light and the still frame of Kikyou looking over her shoulder, horror on her face, some part of him had known that he was going to fail. Was he screaming? Had he screamed? Sesshoumaru couldn't remember. Yet he could remember the taste metallic taste of his own blood, of the air passing through his lungs in a wheeze, and how the sky and the earth had switched places. Suddenly there was Inuyasha, and then evergreen trees, and then an amazing, vivid blue and scattered white that he could almost touch with his fingertips.

Beautiful. That white. That peace. And then there was pain and he didn't know anymore of either peace or the sky.

Kikyou's hands were moving steadily. She was mumbling to herself, first scolding him and then herself, a song, and then more mumbling about herbs and procedures. She worried about him as if he were a human. And being human would have been worse than dying. In a haze, his vision took in Kikyou's tattered robes of white and red, his hair and blood, were pushed aside by her lily white fingers. She didn't smile this time. Just gazed into his golden eyes glazed over by pain.

"You're going to be alright," or was it "Stay with me? He wasn't sure. Kikyou tucked a piece of her hair behind her ears as Sesshoumaru passed out again. When he awoke there were fireflies dancing around them. Closer expectation, with the one eye he could see out of, proved that some of them were souls. Seemingly millions of souls danced among the light of the moon, the illusion quickly broken as some of those lights went out. Fireflies and souls, fireflies out numbering the souls ten to one. This was Kikyou's world. Kikyou snuggled against his chest, clinging to his rising body temperature in sleep.

The first time he had saw this phenomenon Sesshoumaru had thought it was beautiful and sad at the same time. Bittersweet. Like the taste in his mouth of blood and self-hatred and the weird potion that Kikyou had made him force down.  
'Who won and who lost? Well it's obvious that I lost, isn't it,' Sesshoumaru thought with more than a tad bit of mockery toward his sorry self.

Yet she had cared for him, the loser.

Hadn't she said once, when he was watching her feed, that she only liked strong men. She didn't care for those who were frightened or weak. Weak men would always see a ghost, only strong men would see a monster. What did that make him if he could only see a fragile human in her? Yet he was the weak one tonight.

'Where are Rin and Jaken? Still in town.' Sesshoumaru answered his own questions again and looked up at the canopy of the tree he was sitting against. 'They are probably still waiting...'

Not that it matters anymore. Wasn't Mitsu the one that had said if he became weak that he should kill himself? He couldn't even feel his arm, much less lift a sword to commit suicide for the sake of his honor. What a joke this all was. What a joke.

Kikyou stirred, in her right hand she clutched a package of bandages, in her left was his fur wrap, which was mangled and bloody almost beyond repair. Her eyes were still closed and her breath came out in shaky gasps. She had went beyond her limit in order to work on his wounds.

"Idiot! They would have healed on their own." Sesshoumaru hissed at her before Kikyou fell against him. His limbs still couldn't move and it was only Kikyou's barrier that was keeping them safe.

Kikyou opened her eyes. The orbs were glazed over. As if her soul was already gone.  
"Sesshoumaru..."

"Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you? Why won't you listen to me? I cant take care of myself!"

"Why won't you leave me alone" was the real question. The more Kikyou became attached to him, the more it would hurt her in the end. Yet here she was, at his side, as always.

"Sesshoumaru...," She reached up and the thumb on her right hand passed over his wounded eye as she touched his face. She smiled, but it was missing the light of yesterday.

_If you're sad, I'll cry for you. So let me stay with you._ Those sincere words, yet what could he do for her?

"...I'm glad you're okay."

"Idiot."

This time when she fell he managed to reach out and grab her waist, bringing her closer to him. Kikyou had fainted and he was left with one eye, useless legs, and holding her limp body with an equally useless arm.

Instead of damning Inuyasha, the only things that came out of his mouth were curses about his own weakness.

Where were they? Surely she hadn't dragged his body from the battleground to a distant location somewhere in the forest alone. The scent of sea water and a human village was nonexistent, so they couldn't be near the village with Rin and Jaken anymore. So where were they?

Her body suddenly felt hot underneath his hands. Laying her across his knees Sesshoumaru reached for the tie holding her clothes together. With a mumble of "forgive me" he removed the upper half of her clothing.

His eyes focused on her side and nothing else, there was a large gash which was causing her energy to be drained away. Souls were leaking out rapidly. He pressed his hand against the gash, it wasn't closing, and at this rate...

"Dammit... Why won't you leave me alone?" She had gotten hurt while going to him in the middle of the battle, and then to make matters worse she had carried him back alone. Healing him while all this time she had been dying.

"Idiot... Stupid girl..." Sesshoumaru mumbled, trying again and again in vain to keep the souls from leaving Kikyou's body with his remaining hand, Kikyou's robe, anything.

"So you really do care for her?"

Sesshoumaru looked up into the darkness before them, expecting to find anyone but the person standing in front of him.

"Kagome?"

From a third person prospective, she seemed to break the tragic scene with her modern clothes and stunned look. Neither injured or saddened, she seemed to look on with developing pity.

With a flick of his wrist Sesshoumaru's energy whip (?) lashed out towards her. Kagome managed to jump back and avoid the attack despite her delayed reflexes only because of Sesshoumaru's injured state.

"Why are _you_ here?" Sesshoumaru hissed out.

"Now now, is that any way to treat an ally?"

"ALLY!?"

"Ally in love of course," Kagome winked. As she did so, Sesshoumaru was reminded of Kikyou when she teased him. The two really were related.

"I have no time for your games, begone."

"Then who would help Kikyou?"

Sesshoumaru let Kagome approach Kikyou. She was right. As he was now there was no way he could help Kikyou. But admitting defeat was more than he could stand. It took all his will power to not strangle the girl in anger.

Kagome softly touched Kikyou's face. "Like this, it's obvious that we are one and the same. All this time I've hated her because of her relationship with Inuyasha. If only she would disappear... But when she did come back she refused Inuyasha and told me that: "Whether the person you love has someone that he loves already or not does not matter. As long as you are willing to stay by their side nothing else matters. That's why you'll never beat me, that's why you're a copy. You can't accept all of Inuyasha's heart, even the part that loves me and not you."

"As she turned away that day I cursed her, thinking: "How could she possibly know my heart?" But now I see, she told me that out of her own experiences."

"I guess you are part of Kikyou if you can say something intelligent for once."

Kagome glared at Sesshoumaru for his comment. "That you would cry for her only proves my point."

"Cry? What-" Sesshoumaru reached for his face, his cheeks were slightly wet. He hadn't cried since the death of his mother.

Kagome smiled. In the darkness it only faintly reminded him of Kikyou's smile. All at once it was like he had been stabbed in the heart, both physically and mentally. In his desperation to help Kikyou Sesshoumaru had reopened his wounds. As he doubled over in pain Kagome gently lifted Kikyou and took her away from him.  
"What are you-"

"I'll take care of Kikyou better than you can with your injures. Don't worry, I won't harm her. I'm the only one that can heal her. Because we are the same."

The same. The reincarnation and the incarnation. But Kagome was wrong. They weren't the same. They were as different as night and day. While their expressions were alike Kikyou's smile, her gentle teasing, her voice, and everything about her was different. Losing Kikyou, even if it would bring her peace and return her soul to it's rightful owner, her reincarnation, was something Sesshoumaru couldn't allow. He didn't want her to leave his side, ever.

Kagome turned away, leaving the area and taking Kikyou with her.

Sesshoumaru watched them disappear and then continued staring even when he couldn't see Kagome and Kikyou anymore until he fell into a fitful sleep. In it he dreamed of him and Kikyou under the same tree where they had first met and agreed to be partners. It was no longer raining, instead spring was in bloom and the barren tree had a few cherry blossoms. Kikyou seemed to be telling him something, but her voice no longer reached him and all he could do was stare at her outstretched hand that held so much promise for him, but he couldn't touch it.

Because to touch her hand would be the end of his dream.

* * *

The next morning he felt better, and even heard distance voices near him. For a second Sesshoumaru thought it was Kikyou, but that vanished when Rin's light weight fell upon his lap.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Are you all right?"

Sesshoumaru opened up both his eyes this time. Last night felt like a dream. Except for his tattered clothing, Kikyou's white robe still held in his fist, and his healing injures he would have thought it was a dream.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, to think that vile half-"

"How long have you two been here?" Sesshoumaru's interrupted. Jaken and Rin looked at each other before answering.

"We just arrived, My Lord. If we had known something like this would happen—Wah! My Lord, you shouldn't be up yet!"

"I'm fine." Sesshoumaru brushed his hair out of his eyes and looked up at the sun. He had been asleep for a long time.

"Where's Kikyou?"

"Rin has not seen her." Rin looked up at Sesshoumaru. Her face crumpled into frustrated tears. "Rin was so worried about you and Kikyou-sama!"

Sesshoumaru patted her on the head. Rin had been waiting for over a day for the both of them to return. He should only be concerned about Rin or his own welfare yet he was more worried about Kikyou than himself.

"Rin, are you sure no one passed you on the road."  
Rin nodded yes. Sesshoumaru sighed in relief. Then Kikyou might still be in the forest.

"Then lets go find Kikyou."

"Wait, My Lord-"

"Jakan, don't try to stop me."

Jakan held up his two swords, almost falling over with the effort. Sesshoumaru quickly took them from him and left the area to search for Kikyou with Rin trailing behind him.

* * *

Despite the pain and his growing weariness, Sesshoumaru searched for her but je couldn't seem to find Kikyou anywhere. It was like Kagome and Kikyou had vanished without a trace.

Rin held on to Sesshoumaru's hand, looking up at him for guidance. Jakan had left on Sesshoumaru's orders to collect their belongings from town and see if Kikyou was there.

"Sesshoumaru-sama..."

"Let's go Rin." Sesshoumaru pulled his hand away from Rin's grip to walk ahead. She wasn't coming back. He had lost her along with the battle.

"Wait! Sesshoumaru-sama!"

If she had just never existed, none of this would have happened. Then maybe he wouldn't feel this emptiness.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!"

Then maybe he could forget about her. It would have been better if she had died, disappearing like this made it seem like his memory would never rest, never get tired of her.

"_I'll stay with you._" Liar. She was such a liar. And he was a fool for believing her. For believing in someone other than himself.

Sesshoumaru turned towards Rin's voice only to see a flash of red. It was fleeting, and lasted only a second, but it was the unmistakable red of Kikyou's clothes. Rushing past Rin, Sesshoumaru followed the vision until he reached the sound of water. A small body of water, where fresh water met the sea greeted him.

And there stood Kikyou.

She was clutching the baggy gray modern shirt that covered her chest to her body and staring off into the depths of the stream. Sesshoumaru would have never saw her if not for the lower half of her priestess robes.

"Kikyou..."

Kikyou broke away from her trance and looked up at him, surprised to see that he was there. "Sesshoumaru...What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Kikyou... You idiot!"

Without knowing it, he had closed the distance between them. Embracing her without restraint, almost sending both of them crashing into the river. The white robe, that he had held in his hand all this time, tumbled out of his hands and floated on the surface; the current quickly taking it away. He buried his face into her shoulder, the nape of her neck. The familiar smell of Kikyou: dirt, bones, incense and herbs overpowered his other senses. Kikyou's hair and shoulders, body and spirit, were here in his arms. Subconsciously, even when he was alone, or could only see her from the corner of his eye, subconsciously part of him wanted to be by her always.

And it had only taken this defeat to realize it. The thought of losing her and this pain in his heart that accompanied it, sharper and more intense than anything he'd ever felt before it, was something he never wanted to feel again.

"Idiot! Stupid girl! Liar..."

"Sesshoumaru... Ouch! Don't dig in with your nails! My hair...you'll pull it out."

"..." _I have reached out with this hand and can no longer return to myself—_was the single thought going throughout his mind. If this was true then, who had he become? If the "Sesshoumaru"of before was gone, then who was he now and for what was he living for if not for revenge? But these questions he could answer another time, for now he was just relieved to see that Kikyou was alright.

"I'm glad you came for me."

Sesshoumaru pulled away slightly and looked into Kikyou's face. The soft smile that he had come to love was on her lips. Sweet and sad, beautiful in it's stillness.

"I'm glad you saved me. I woke up, and I couldn't find you and all at once I was scared that you had left me behind. Like Inuyasha, I thought that you were gone forever and that I was stuck with memories. That I would die all alone again, just like before. I'm really glad that you saved me."

This time Kikyou embraced him. Her arms encircling his waist. Sesshoumaru was at a lost for words. All this time he had been concerned with his pain. But what of Kikyou's? She had always been alone and forgotten, and so her worst fear was being left behind.

On that day, in the rain, when she had seemed so lost and when he had first let her into his life, the smile she had given him then and now was one of pure joy at just being found, being accepted, and her existence acknowledged.

His pain, his jealously and anger, even his own loneliness couldn't match up to 50 years of being dead and forgotten, her loneliness and even the 17 years she had spent alive in isolation with the Shikon no Tama. Even in his own past, when everything had been taken away from him by a mere human and her child, he had never been as utterly alone as Kikyou had.

"I'm glad... I'm so glad you saved me..."

Kikyou's tears fell onto him, tears that weren't a lie or her usual act at being strong. She wasn't teasing him. Her tears were real.

Sesshoumaru smoothed back Kikyou's hair, focusing his thoughts on that action alone.

"I won't... I won't leave you like that again. So believe in me."

"_So you really do care for her?"_

"_Kill yourself rather than following in your father's footsteps!"_

"_I live only to kill Inuyasha. With these hands I'll take back what was rightfully mine."_

And, Sesshoumaru promised himself, he wouldn't let her be alone again. Even if it meant going against everything he had believed in. The implications of his actions could wait. Questioning himself could wait for later. It was better just to focus on the moment.

"I'll protect you. Believe in me."

Kikyou looked up, her brown eyes impossibly dark and deep with tears. Whether she believed him or not was impossible to say.

Sesshoumaru pressed Kikyou to him, burying her face in his chest as Kikyou's eyes spilled over with tears for the final time.

"Believe me. Believe in my words." Sesshoumaru softly whispered.

(Four Seasons: Summer: Chapter 3—End)

* * *

**Author's Notes:** This was the most OOC, mushy, chapter I have ever written in my life. But when I write about these two, somehow it always ends up this way. Sesshoumaru is always on the bottom in the relationship in my one-shots so this was a nice change.  
I wanted three things to happen in this chapter.

1. Sesshoumaru to realize his feelings for Kikyou.

2. For Sesshoumaru to realize the conflict that had been stirring in himself between duty and what he now wants.

3. And for Kikyou to finally not be so cruel to Sesshoumaru and show her real colors. (But she ended up just crying in the end, but if it's a really cute girl then crying is good. Even better if that girl never cries. Or maybe it's just me.)

I already have an idea in my head for a new Sesshoumaru and Kikyou fan fiction. But 4Seasons still has two more seasons to go and one more chapter for summer, including a bonus chapter too and two more seasons! Arggh! This means I have continue to drag out the romance, and I'm running out of ideas. M

If you noticed the (?) marks, this was stuff that I hoped that the reader would notice and take into account for my lack of information.

Sesshoumaru has four weapons. A regular sword (or appears sort of regular), Tenseiga, his poison claw, and whip. But since the whip is never named, I put "energy whip". Sorry for any errors!

Oh, and the notes in the beginning were wrong. I'm sorry. It's my fault. There is actually no action in here and it still deals with Sesshoumaru's thoughts and a lot of angst and romantic drama. I'm such an idiot to tell this lie to you all, but I seriously thought this was going to be the opposite of what I usually do. But it wasn't. Sorry.

Please leave a kind review. See ya next time.


	9. Summer Chapter Four

**Author's Notes: **I know more than half of summer will already gone when I post this, and I'm sorry for that. I just didn't know how to proceed on the following chapter. I'm really intimidated by Summer Chapter 3. It's just too good. I felt this way about Spring Chapter 2. But I didn't feel that way for the last chapter in the Spring saga. So I wonder why.

But anyway, I will fight to bring you guys a good chapter!

This chapter was originally planned to be Summer Chapter 2. So that's why the ocean plays a prominent role int he beginning. But I changed the chapter order to tweak the storyline. So the order it is in on this site is the correct order.

* * *

Four Seasons: Summer – Chapter 4

His high sense of smell picked up the scent of sea water. So they were near the ocean, at least one thing had turned out right so far. They were going the right way.

After all this time he had managed to pick out Inuyasha's trail once again. Inuyasha—just thinking about him made Sesshoumaru want to simultaneously turn back and charge ahead in defense of his damaged pride. He hadn't wanted to come this way. There were too many bad memories associated with his half-brother's scent. And now this recent defeat was one of them.  
Was he happy the way he was now? Should he continue his quest? No, the real question was should he continue his relationship with Kikyou—even if the consequences would be the death of not only him but everything else that he held dear, or at least he thought he held his kingdom dear. But looking at Rin and Kikyou, his kingdom seemed small in comparison yet the people he had left behind, his clan, and his obligations to them weren't some trifle to be set aside. The time would come when Sesshoumaru would have to make a choice. His status as a demon, Lord of the West, and his love for Kikyou were at odds with each other.

But at least today he didn't have to decide upon anything. Not now.

Or could he? Could he really just walk away from it all. When he had first held Kikyou in his arms, after his disastrous battle with Inuyasha and Kikyou's grave injuries were healed, it had seemed like everything was finally falling into place. They could just walk away from everything, Kikyou, Rin, and Sesshoumaru. Then maybe it would all be over: His quest, his life as a king, everything. Every time Sesshoumaru thought about his quest being a sense of unease would wash over him. Even though he finally had Kikyou's love there was something missing.

'What is it?' Sesshoumaru asked himself. For once his mind gave him no answer.

A hand passed over his eyes, blocking out the trail, the sunlight, and the heat of the day with it's comforting coldness.

With a grimace of annoyance, Sesshoumaru brushed Kikyou's hand away.

"Good, I thought we almost lost you." Kikyou stood by his side, a coy look in her eyes and a tiny smile gracing her lips. It was obvious that she was enjoying his current state of mind.

"I liked you better when you were emotionless and took pleasure out of nothing."

"I know, you say that everyday," Kikyou replied. "And I liked you better when you didn't space out so much."

As usual, the two of them were locked in a battle of wits. Sesshoumaru choose to leave it at a tie and looked back to see Rin run up, come between them, and latch on to his arm. In her hands she held fistfuls of summer flowers.

"Look, Sesshoumaru-sama! Look what Rin picked!"

Kikyou smiled down at the little girl, taking one of her hands into her own. "Don't you mean, "look what **I **picked"?"

Rin blushed with happiness, not embarrassment. "That's what Ri-I-meant."

As the days wore on, it seemed like the three of them were becoming closer somehow. And Jaken would have none of it.

As Rin showed Sesshoumaru the flowers, Jaken jumped up and down while voicing his opinion. "You little urchin! Can't you see Sesshoumaru-sama has better things to think about then your stupid girlish whims?"

Rin made a face at the toad and Kikyou was tempted to slap the thing from the look on her face; but it was Rin's battle, neither Kikyou or Sesshoumaru could interfere.

"I'm not a "urchin"!," Rin pronounced the words slowly, hands on her hips. "And Sesshoumaru-sama likes my flowers. You're jealous."

"Wha-what did you say!"

"You're jealous. Jaken's jealous!"

Sesshoumaru had stopped to view this little battle between a human and demon. Jaken seemed to be at a loss for words and Rin seemed satisfied in her victory over him. Finally Jaken reached out his cane to smack her with it and this time Kikyou stepped in. She easily managed to take the weapon away from him, glaring at Jaken. After the toad backed down, Kikyou smiled at Rin. And surprisingly, at Jaken as well.

"We are being a burden on Sesshoumaru acting this way. The both of you should try to get along better. Jaken-"

Jaken glared at her and said nothing.

Kikyou continued: "You are still Sesshoumaru's number one servant. Rin, you shouldn't let Jaken's words get to you. Now let's continue. We don't have too far to walk."

To Sesshoumaru's astonishment, Kikyou's way of handling the situation impressed him. Her experience with children made it quite easy for her to settle any quarrel amongst them and people (or demons) that acted like children.

"Kikyou, Rin, Jaken-hurry up." Sesshoumaru turned around and continued walking. This was another reason why he kept Kikyou around. He didn't need her help when it came to Inuyasha, in fact he refused it. Their separate goals were such that it was impossible to make a compromise. And to accept help would be dishonorable. But her advice and her help with raising Rin was valuable. Rin needed a mother. Some woman that she could look up to and learn from. There were certain things that he would never understand about Rin because he was both a man and a demon.

This time the person that latched on to his arm was Kikyou. The scent that drifted up to his nose was Rin's flowers and the earthly smell of her body. Sesshoumaru glanced at her. Rin had quickly intertwined flowers into her hair. Kikyou herself had undone her usual pony tail and pinned the locks of her hair up into a clumsy bun.

She chatted to him about various things to keep his mind off his troubles. Oblivious to either Jaken, who was still jealous, or Rin, who had dropped several feet behind them from the sound of her laughter.

Kikyou's arms were wrapped around his arm, pressing his arm into her bosom unconsciously as she gazed off into the distance in front of them. The intoxicating scent coming from her and the press of her body against his stopped him from pushing her away. Despite the scent of death underlying it, her smell was something that he had grown fond of. Death had always been around him, only now it had a form. Sesshoumaru looked off into the distance as well and tried to focus on Kikyou's words.

Their conversation had turned toward Inuyasha. They had both tried to ignore what had happened, both between them and the battle, but eventually they would have to face the truth.

Inuyasha wasn't going to disappear because they were a couple. Naraku either.

"If we continue this way we should reach the "city by the sea" soon, as our guide called it. It's more of a small town from what I managed to get from a villager back at the inn we stayed at. But it is one of the major port towns. They have a few ships capable of fighting on the sea and a sizable militia that is pretty tough as well despite it's small size. So if we must fight it would be better to fight some ways away from the town. When we meet Inuyasha, I'll drag him and his companions several acres away. Then I'll take care of his friends, while you focus on yoru fight."

"What about Rin and Jaken?" He questioned her, though he already knew what she was going to say. The question was more to keep himself focused than anything. It seemed her being around him like this made the heat much more unbearable than before.

"They will stay in the city, as before. Rather we will come back as the victors or not, we shall meet up with them again once this is over," Kikyou said. And then she noticed the perculiar expression on Sesshoumaru's face and changed the subject. "Sesshoumaru? Are you alright? Are you-"

"I'm fine! What do you mean if "we are the victors or not?" "  
Kikyou stared at him, a frown forming on her lips, and finally she separated herself from him. "Well you can't call what we have a winning streak."

Her irritating words, which were the truth, made Sesshoumaru want to slap her. But Kikyou just calmly stood there, not flinching or afraid of the consequences of her words or actions. Sesshoumaru lowered his hand. What more could he do to her that hadn't already been done to her? Kikyou was still recovering from the wound she had received trying to come to Sesshoumaru's aid during his fight with Inuyasha.

Plus, she was right. The truth was here in front of him. Kikyou's weakened state and the shreaded remains of his former outfit. Kikyou was currently wearing the maroon and black clothes Sesshoumaru had taken with him after his wedding at the castle. Her clothes were damaged and stained beyond repair by his blood. And Sesshoumaru himself was still regaining his strength.

And of course, the ultimate truth, the kiss that stood between them. The sensation of which had stilled his hand. What he had been about to do was slap the woman who days before he had declared his love for. If he hit her, their budding relationship would be over and it would destroy not only his relationship with her but with Rin. An argument, and his wounded pride, wasn't worth it. Nor was taking out his frustrations on her, which would be a cowardly thing to do.

"I'll ignore that woman."  
"I'm not a woman, not any longer."

Sesshoumaru smirked. This wasn't the right time or weather to be having a fight in. Yet he wasn't about to let her win either.

"Then would that make you a man?"

For once Kikyou's complexion blushed to a light crimson. "You know what I mean!"

Leaning down to have their faces level with each other, Sesshoumaru whispered mockingly. "No, I don't."

Kikyou's blushed with anger. "Don't tempt me! I'm not in the mood for a useless argument with you. Especially not here."

Not with an audience is what she meant. With Rin around, it was hard for the both of them to voice their opinions. Especially if it had to deal with the current state of Kikyou being undead.

"Fine." With those stoic words Sesshoumaru returned to his full height and placed his hand on Kikyou's head, undoing the messy bun that she had made. The flowers Rin picked fell from her hair, scattering and drifting away in a sudden sea breeze.

For reasons unknown, or not admitted to, Sesshoumaru secretly kept one flower. Then he continued walking as Kikyou fumed behind him over his actions of treating her like a child and acting like one.

But the hidden tone of warmth in her words spoke otherwise. This was probably the first time she had been treated kindly, even if Sesshoumaru had treated her like a child. Probably not even in her childhood had she been treated as such. Which made the moment all the more enduring.

And the more precious because it quelled the storm that had been brewing between them.

* * *

"Wow! The ocean is so... Huge!"

Rin danced around as she said these words, pausing to catch her breath. At the site of the ocean she had ran ahead to view it. This was the first time that she had seen it. The other time they had been near an ocean front town she had been asleep when they had arrived and too mad at Sesshoumaru getting married and Lady Mitsu, Sesshoumaru's new wife, to leave the hotel.  
Even in descriptions or paintings the ocean always seemed to be endless. And so it seemed now. But mere descriptions could not possibly catch the both unpleasant and pleasant smell of sea water and the life inside it. The calm deep blue of it's depths and the white waves crashing upon the beach and the sound of the seawater as waves splashed against the shore. The ocean was calm, and not a cloud was in sight.  
Sesshoumaru stood a few yards back, looking across the land to where Rin danced around in the very shallow water amongst the waves that crashed against the shore. He wasn't afraid of Rin drowning, she could swim, but even taking his eyes away for a second could cause something to happen that he might regret for the rest of his life. Sesshoumaru was quickly learning, thanks to Rin's numerous brushes with danger, that taking care of children was a full time job.

"It is huge," Kikyou softly said, awe in her voice as she stared at the water and the sea gulls circling above them. Like Sesshoumaru, her eyes were also on the water. Sitting by his feet with her knees curled up to her chest and her arms around her legs, Kikyou seemed much more human then she would like to believe.

"This is your first time seeing it."

Kikyou nodded to his statement. Used to his way of speaking not questions but sentences that seemed to always be correct.

"No, this is my second time. My first time I saw it with you."

In the blazing fire of the sunset they had stood here together with Rin on his back and Jaken by their side. Yet they had each felt alone and small in the scheme of things. And each of them had held on to their private thoughts, Sesshoumaru of his marriage and the possibility of children and Kikyou with her own, mysterious, concerns. Yet while watching the ocean, then and now, they could clear their minds. Even without them life would move on. The ocean humbles all creatures.

"Do you want to go in it?"

Surprised at the first real question of the day, she briefly looked up at Sesshoumaru. Her eyes telling him of the common hesitation of going into something that much alive and that big.

"You won't dissolve, if that's what you're afraid of."

Kikyou looked back up at him, her eyes holding a sudden fiery light in them. "I'm not afraid of dissolving. I know that is impossible." She looked back at Rin. "I was just wondering if I would wake up, that's all. Wake up from this dream that started a season ago."

"_I'm so glad you saved me..."_ Kikyou had clung to him like her life depended on it, and maybe it did. With Kikyou, Sesshoumaru sometimes felt like he could see how fragile and uncertain she was of everything. As if her life could be snatched away in a moment. Sesshoumaru wondered if all humans lived with this fear, or just people like Kikyou who, while given a second chance at life, would never know true peace.

Sesshoumaru said nothing. What could he offer her in terms of hope when he himself was unsure whether this was a dream or not.

Kikyou stood up, brushing the sand off of her clothing. Walking toward Rin, Kikyou looked back at him over her shoulder with a small smile on her features. "I guess I'll just have to see then. Whether this dream will end or not."

They would all have to see if dreams could become reality. Or if they were just that: a dream.

Rin looked happily up at Kikyou. Kikyou returned Rin's smile just as brightly. Now he was watching the two of them dance around, holding hands and splashing each other with water before chasing each other.

Sesshoumaru turned away from the sight of Kikyou and Rin playing together to look toward the direction they would soon be traveling in. While Kikyou watched Rin, and Jaken tried to fend off the advances of a crab, Sesshoumaru scouted the horizon. Little could be seen of the town they would soon come upon, yet the presence of their common enemy could still be felt. Faded as it was with time, there was no way it couldn't be Inuyasha's aura.

Without bothering to call either Kikyou or Rin back to land, Sesshoumaru walked off in the direction of town. Jaken seeing him leaving called to the both of them rudely.

Ignoring the argument in progress, Sesshoumaru looked up at the sky briefly. It seemed a storm was on the horizon after all

* * *

"Once again we have a room together. Isn't that strange?"

Kikyou said while pouring Sesshoumaru a cup of tea. It seemed to be more her doing that they ended up together than by the number of rooms or the owner of the inn. No matter whether or not they paid them, the humans always gave Sesshoumaru and his group the very best rooms where they went. Throughout their walk through town there had been plenty of people gossiping about them as well as cowering in fear or hatred.

Though the one comment Sesshoumaru had heard and couldn't ignore was this: That Kikyou and Sesshoumaru were a couple. The exact words weren't as flattering as the words "couple," but the people in this town basically thought Rin was their child and they were a traveling group of demons come to wreck havoc.

"Do we really look that much like a couple."  
Kikyou smiled sadly. "What's with all the questions today? This isn't like you."  
"What's with all the smiles? There is nothing to be happy about." Sesshoumaru briefly replied. His interest was taken up by the scene outside. An awkward couple that was going through the stages of newlyweds. In their own happiness they were completely oblivious to the fact that they were sharing their lodging with a demon a few doors down. Or the husband was taking advantage of it to "comfort" his new wife. It was the typical mushy stuff that anyone could find during spring or summer.

Sesshoumaru found them annoying, but reminded himself that murdering them would be a waste of time. The life they had pledged themselves too would be worse than death. Happiness at first then reality settling in with the weight of being together forever.

It had never been Sesshoumaru's habit to be noisy, but something about the couple made him wonder if Inuyasha and Kikyou were ever that way.

The answer was: Of course not. They were never married. Too little information and too little time stood between them.

But were him and Kikyou like that? Were they a "couple?"

Kikyou passed a hand over his eyes, like she had earlier on the trail by the beach. Her face was concerned, yet emotions that she couldn't show, through habit or from design, always made her expressions just a little awkward. Out of place like the feelings in his heart.

Except her tears. Those were 100% accurate, Sesshoumaru thought as Kikyou's concern for him reminded him of the night they had shared after his defeat. Of her worries, and her fears.

"Hey, it's not like you to stare off into space. Do you need to talk about something?" Kikyou asked. He wasn't the only one stuck in an awkward situation and worrying about the future. Though worrying about someone else was foreign to him, Sesshoumaru appreciated her concern-

"I'm not Rin," Sesshoumaru said.

But he couldn't properly express his appreciation or tell her what was on his mind.

"I'm not saying you're Rin," Kikyou looked toward the tea cups on the table. The steam rising from their cups superficial in this summer time heat even though it was said to take one's mind off the temperature by digesting something hot. Yet not even the a cup of hot tea could cool them down. "I'm just saying that I'm here."

Silence. There was nothing he could say to counter her words.

Kikyou sighed. A rare moment. He could count on his remaining hand exactly how many times he had heard her sigh. "I don't really know what I'm trying to say. But it feels like I'm getting farther away from you sometimes."

"We were never close to begin with." Sesshoumaru stood up, looking down at Kikyou. Her face seemed filled with worry for him now, but later with Inuyasha it would change. "I don't need you to be there for me. I just need you to be near me."

Kikyou's face clouded momentarily from his strange words. The tone used was probably odd to her. It was odd to himself as well, a slight strange note of envy was there. For once Sesshoumaru was envious of Inuyasha for something other than the Tetsusaiga.

"I am here besides you," Kikyou said. The words were barely spoken and were hard to pick up even with his sense of hearing as Sesshoumaru left the room. It seemed even Kikyou had given up on him for the night.

'And I am here besides you. I just don't know if this is where I should be,' Sesshoumaru thought. He briefly wondered what was bothering him more: The thought that him and Kikyou are together, the thought of facing Inuyasha, or if he was just looking for excuses to end their relationship before it even began for some reason.

Sesshoumaru punched the wall besides their door, leaning his head against the damaged wood and ignoring the broken bits that cut into his flesh or the mess he had made. What the hell was he doing to her? One minute he's serious in his feelings of love, and the next he's throwing her away. Did he want Kikyou to leave him?

Would she leave him?

'She would be better off with _him_.'

Inuyasha had never gotten trapped in the schemes and pride of the nobility. He had made sure of that when he had made him and outcast all those years ago.

Walking down the hallways of a busy inn thoughts seem to become disoriented in the crowd of many people that are not the same as you. This was how it felt to Sesshoumaru. The feeling of being alone, not only in person but in self. His feelings were only possible because she was here. Of course these feelings were familiar, it wasn't the first time that such a thought had popped up whenever _he_ was near. It was always possible that despite her words Kikyou would leave him. And then he would end up fighting Kikyou. What a complicated situation.

'Am I hesitating? Am I not sure of myself. Why? Why again... Why again am I hesitating, doubting myself? Her?'

Sesshoumaru stopped and looked down into the palm of his one remaining hand. Somewhere in this place there were people that he had grown to care about. But by growing to care about them he had left something behind. And by leaving something behind a seed of doubt had been planted.

'So this is "love". This is what it's like to be more worried about others and lose yourself in an illusion and forget your dream, your goals. It would be better to not feel this feeling, it would be better if-'

"-If they just left, My Lord."

Sesshoumaru turned around quickly, he hadn't even noticed when Jaken had come up behind him.  
Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed in anger and Jaken backed up in fright.  
"What is it."

"Um... Sesshoumaru-sama, it's just that..." Jaken gulped down his next words from fear and then bowed in a very clumsy and formal manner. "Excuse me, Sesshoumaru-sama, I had no right to voice my opinion."

"Out with it before I lose my patience!"

The toad jumped back at least 6 feet. In this quiet hall there was only the two of them for once. Sesshoumaru covered his embarrassment from speaking out loud his thoughts and from having someone, especially the toad demon before him, sneak up on him.

"It's just that... Sesshoumaru-sama seems distracted."

Before he could even stop himself Sesshoumaru's sword was already poised to strike Jaken down. But realizing what he was doing, losing his temper, Sesshoumaru returned to his normal frigid composure and turned his back on his servant.

Such small words of truth that could cause such a reaction. Even if Jaken had overheard him Sesshoumaru didn't want to lose a valuable servant.

"I should get rid of both Kikyou and Rin. Was that what you were about to suggest?"

"Well...um...My Lord-" Jaken stuttered, trying to find some way out of this conversation with his head still intact.

"I will decided who goes and who stays. Not you."  
"I understand Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Besides," Sesshoumaru turned back to his servant. In the light of the setting sun it seemed as if the demon lord was covered in blood. "No mere human would be able to hold my attention enough to be distracted. Nor would they be anything other than like you, a servant. Something for my amusement or pleasure."

Jaken looked down quickly, his large eyes riveted to the floor boards to avoid looking at Sesshoumaru. "Does that mean my Lord that you...and...um the humans..."

Sesshoumaru barely showed his anger, but this toad was so infuriating. It would have been better to just walk away instead of keeping the conversation going, or trying to convince himself and Jaken that he meant every word. "That means you live, for now. And they as well. Do you understand?"

Of course he understood. Knowing his position in life there was no way Jaken could have done anything else but bow and accept his terms. After all, the only reason the toad demon was living was because of Sesshoumaru. Without Sesshoumaru's protection he would have probably died a long time ago.

Before anything else could be said, a small gasp distracted them.

Kikyou stood behind Sesshoumaru. Her body half concealed by a corner, she held a hand to her mouth in disbelief. The tears on her face were an accurate portrait of a lover being hurt again for the final time. There was no anger in it, only a sad, broken glare of disbelief and hurt.

As if she herself couldn't even believe she was crying, Kikyou looked down at the tears on her fingers and then turned quickly and ran away.

Before he could stop himself, Sesshoumaru ran after her.

"Kikyou, wait!"  
Kikyou shook her head, tears and her black hair fanning out and shaking with her movements like the tail of a fish. Her hand went back to her mouth, keeping in a sob.  
He easily caught her in the small hallway, grabbing her forearm and bringing her to face him.

"I said wait, dammit!"

She shook her head, tears—saltwater tears, which were the build up of rainwater and any other liquids she had consumed—falling on his body with the movement. She was fragile beneath his hands, a clay body perfectly molded and easily breakable, but inside her spirit was still human, still a woman despite how strong she appeared. And Sesshoumaru was reminded of it as Kikyou continued to cry in his arms, stiffing her sobs by biting down on her fingers and clenching her eyes shut.

"Just look at me!"

Kikyou avoided his eyes, her hand still clamped to her mouth. The smallest movement of her head was a negative as her shoulders started to quake.

He hadn't meant for her to hear that. It wasn't even what he really felt. But in the world he existed in, a world far different then the sheltered world she had lived in, this was how things had to be.

He could not offer her his hand. At the most she would forever remain his mistress. A servant for pleasure in the public eye. A fallen priestess that was now a demon lord's concubine.

Kikyou shook her head again as he pulled her toward him once more for a tense embrace. Her head rested against his chest as her shoulders shook harder than ever and she could no longer hold back her cries.

"Never... Never, never! Never again...Never..."

Her muttered cries were against betrayal. He hadn't lost her, but he was beginning to lose her by keeping his thoughts from her and by trying to push her away for the sake of keeping his status as a powerful a king and a demon without a heart. Sesshoumaru was losing Kikyou.

"Hey, look at me."

Sesshoumaru put his fingers under her chin and gently compelled Kikyou to look at him. Kikyou closed her eyes as her face was brought up to meet his. Her hands trembled on his chest, clenched to breaking point in the fabric of his coat.

"Look at me."

Her brown eyes were liquid pools of agony, yet the trust and love was still there. And Sesshoumaru cursed himself for it.  
He was falling down the same path that Inuyasha had fell down. The same path his father had taken. He was letting Kikyou, the person who he loved, down.

"I will never betray you. Alright? I will never-"  
Kikyou broke his hold on her chin and returned his embrace with a fierce, passionate one of her own.

It was salty, the meeting of their bodies, with her tears and her kiss tasted like the sea too. And his lie hung over the two of them even as their embrace deepened.

* * *

"Do you ever regret it?"

In the darkness of the night the full moon hung over the both of them. Its light cast shadows in the room and highlighted both Sesshoumaru and Kikyou's hair. Her eyes were full of moonlight and full of him.

Sesshoumaru leaned his cooling body against the window frame, his nude torso and wide shoulders blocking out part of the window and Kikyou's view of the moon. The blanket was between them and Kikyou had the upper half of his robes.  
Wrapped in the silky fabric of the sheets and the rough crimson of his clothes, Kikyou looked over at him with messy hair and worried eyes.

Sesshoumaru looked back at the moon. "I don't regret anything."

"Not even being born?"

"Never."

Kikyou looked down at the mess they had made. It had been more of a fight than lovemaking.

"I thought the first time was suppose to be gentle..."  
"Sorry."  
"Forget it. I'm not a "woman" anyway."

"Kikyou-"

Kikyou cut him off. "And this body isn't real, is it?"

Sesshoumaru turned back to look at her, his face a mask of fury. "I don't ever want to hear that from you again. Understand?"

Kikyou crawled toward him on her hands and knees and rested her head in his lap. Fingering his shorter hair she smiled up at him. Only 50, plus 17, she was younger than him. Still a child compared to him. Yet she was all woman, even in that body, and it was enough for Sesshoumaru.

"Hmmm... Your hair's getting longer."

"I'll cut it again."

Kikyou laughed, it was like the ring of a bell in the night; scattering moon beams with it's sound as it reached his ear.

"Why bother? It'll just grow again. The hair of a demon grows fast."

Sesshoumaru leaned toward her, almost about to kiss. "There is something I regret."

"What?" Her worry over his fickle feelings was amusing in that she still doubted his word. Her emotions had become clear as she had screamed his name and wounded his back with her passion. Kikyou wanted to wound him, leave some mark on him, and even after the climax of their lovemaking she had kept her nails embedded in his flesh and watched with dismay as the marks she left healed.

"I regret _his_ existence."

Kikyou pulled back, tugging some of his strands of hair as a hungry smile appeared on his lips for an instant. Hungry for the blood of the being whose existence could still be felt in her. The old hatred flared up in her eyes, and Sesshoumaru couldn't tell if it was true hatred or just what her soul needed, was made of, demanded. Kikyou had told him that she was the only part left of Kagome that would not bend, would not forget, or move on. She was born in this world to hate, and would hate. Yet Sesshoumaru knew she could love to, and even as he watched her eyes light up he noticed that as he watched the hatred for Inuyasha simmer in Kikyou eyes that other feelings for him existed too.

Sesshoumaru believed that Kikyou loved him, but he also knew that even though she loved him the issue of Inuyasha was where they differed.

"If Inuyasha didn't exist all doubts would be cleared. I could love you freely. Even with the nobility standing in the way no one would dare doubt my power or your origin with him out of the way."

Inuyasha, the only one that was privy to all their secrets. The only one besides him that had ever caused Kikyou to cry, out in sorrow or passion or rage, and the only thorn in his side. With him out of the way, with all of his father's swords by his side, how many would decry him as a traitor once he had his father's power? Even though marrying a human was unforgivable, weakness was even more so. Isn't that why his father kept his crown after marrying a human wench, after murdering his lawful wife, because of power?

"Sesshoumaru-"

"I will destory him. I will have his head. It is either me or him. I won't surrender you to him."

Yes, Kikyou loved him. For now. But if she died her soul would go back to Kagome wouldn't it? That means that someday, somewhere, Sesshoumaru would lose her to his brother. Time would separate them. How long could Kikyou exist in her current body? And what if someday, despite all her words and promises, Kikyou went back on her word and went back to his brother?

Always the strategist, there were too many factors, too many lose ends, to trust it all to feelings or chance. Whether in love, war, or everything in between, for Sesshoumaru it had to be all for nothing, with no obstacles in the end.

"-Sesshoumaru, you already have me-" Kikyou tried to interrupt him, to plead with him, but Sesshoumaru ignored her.

Sesshoumaru could no longer see Kikyou. He looked down into the palm of his remaining hand. Scarred and coarse from his years of battle and bathed in blood of both the innocent and the damned. Inuyasha's hands and his own wouldn't rest without the death of the other. Every time they fought he could see it in his eyes the same hunger that burned in his own.

Either Inuyasha would die, or Sesshoumaru would. This was the law of all territorial creatures. Either one would submit or the other. There could be no other way.

As long as both Inuyasha and Kikyou held even the smallest bit of feelings for each other, Inuyasha would have to die.

"Sesshoumaru? Sesshoumaru you already have me! Is this about the sword-"

"Damn the sword! I'm not talking about the sword! Let him have father's trinket. I have something greater," Sesshoumaru pulled an unwilling Kikyou up by her wrist. "Don't you see? If Inuyasha is dead it will be the end of both our suffering. Two birds will be killed with one stone. With the sword and you at my side I will have become invincible."

Kikyou appeared not only worried this time, but frightened of him as well. "Sesshoumaru, you're starting to scare me. You sound like Naraku."

Sesshoumaru pulled away. He put his hand to his forehead and dug his claws into his hair in confused frustration. The sudden urge to hit her came, hot and fierce and consuming in its fury, but was held back by whatever ounce of humanity his father had seen in him to give him Tenseiga.

It was not out of guilt for plotting to kill Kikyou's former lover right in front of her that Sesshoumaru hesitated in reassuring Kikyou. Nor was it because of the absence of guilt that Sesshoumaru felt. It was the injury Kikyou had inflicted upon him by linking him to Naraku that made him hesitate.  
Sesshoumaru could feel no shame in plotting to murder his brother. He had been trying to kill him for centuries. These were the feelings of a demon. He did not have Inuyasha's human side to fall back upon. Love could not be counted on to stay his hand.  
If Kikyou got in the way then he would kill her as if they had no ties at all. That was certain. As much as he loved Kikyou, if death would make her his then so be it. As long as Inuyasha was dead first.

Kikyou, worried for his mental stability, ignored whatever warning signs in her that had made her frightened of him in the first place and hugged Sesshoumaru to herself. Her body enclosing his like a parent to a child's in a tender embrace.

"I'm sorry. We'll get through this together. You promised to protect me remember? And I-"

"Promised to cry for you. I remember."

Kikyou smiled and smoothed back his hair as Sesshoumaru buried his face in her shoulder and her scent. Saltwater, earth, decay, his sweat and his spent seed on her skin marking Kikyou as his. Forever, if Sesshoumaru had his way.

The moon watched over the both of them.

Their summer was coming to an end.

"_In the summer false hopes grow like weeds and days stretch on to eternity. Only my love is certain. Smoldering in the desert heat and into the night._

_Summer, Spring, Winter, Fall:_

_This is only the beginning of our journey."_

(Summer – Chapter 4 – End)

* * *

**Author's Notes:**This is the end of the Summer trilogy. The next season if Fall. There is some bonuses for this season though:

1. Kagome and Inuyasha's separate views concerning the last chapter will be up, but I don't know if they will be a part of the four chapters for Fall or not yet.

2. Also Rin's view on Sesshoumaru and Kikyou's affair will be apparent, but will probably be part of the Fall trilogy.

Fall is the time to reap the bounties that have been planted and grown during the spring and summer. Spring is the time to sow roots, and summer is the time to watch those roots grow.

And winter is the end until next year's cycle of birth and growth. All of which leads back to death and the promise of enrichment.

I hope this is taking a turn away from the other Sess/Kik fiction out their, but staying true to both characters roots. If Sesshoumaru had just turned away from it all, including the sword, it would have seemed too fake. Just as if Kikyou had suddenly had her heart mended it would be a WTF factor. People don't change that easily, if at all. Sesshoumaru is a demon. Kikyou is dead. This is just how things are. A miraculous rebirth for the both of them would just warp the whole story. Nothing is certain, but Kikyou is not going to walk out of this human and Sesshoumaru will not walk away from this forgiving everyone and forgetting the past. In fiction, especially fan fiction, this often happens, but in reality it does not. I enjoy plots that make Sesshoumaru forgiving and Kikyou human, but I want to put a little reality into this with out distorting the feel. Since this is not reality, but fantasy with real elements of romance, I only feel it's right to give you—the reader—an enjoyable read. That comes first and foremost. So if I am often late, about a month or more, in releases, I am sorry. But I want to dish out the best, first class A+ angst, romance, and drama without any fillers like bad plot lines.

With that said, look forward to Fall!


	10. Fall Chapter One

**Author's Note: **I'm not apologizing for the lastness of this chapter. Nor am I offering excuses or explanations for why I cut off unregistered reviews. (I think I covered it in previous Authors Notes. And if I haven't, why bother since you guys obviously don't read these. -Points to one idiot reviewer-) Not to start off a chapter with such a bad tone or anything. I guess I just hate Sundays. :)

Anyway, these three chapters (including this one) will not have Sesshoumaru or Kikyou in them.

That's right. No Sesshoumaru or Kikyou until the last chapter for Fall. Neither of them will make an appearance, except in the third one but that chapter will not be in Sesshoumaru's point of view.

Fall is a time for reflection. The seeds you have sown are planted and the fields are ready for harvest. You store up for the winter and rejoice in a season almost over while looking back at the past and to things yet to be done. A time for maturity. That's what I want to reflect in these chapters.

Thanks to the people that did read this Author's Note.  
**(Also, don't put up questions in a review that have been addressed in an Author's Note or suggestions for the story.)**

* * *

Four Seasons: Fall – Chapter 1

She sat with her legs folded against her chest, her arms on her knees and her head cradled in the nest formed there. Summer was over and there were a million things on her mind, but none as important as him.  
He would speak, she knew it. But not to her. Maybe he would speak to himself or others, but never to her on this matter.

"_I will protect you."_ His words were a distant melody that couldn't reach her anymore. Its lyrics fading into the light, incomprehensible in the darkness she had fallen in.

Yet, there was hope. There had been hope.

If only he would let it go.

If only he would let _**her**_ go.

Neither would happen, and as Inuyasha stirred next to her, Kagome sighed. The last of summer's fireflies drifted over their heads. They would fade and die out, to be reborn in their children who would also lead such fleeting lives. They would fall in love, or so the naïve girl liked to tell herself sometimes, and have children then they would die and start it all over.

Kagome coughed, trying to laugh but failing. She was naïve no longer. Maybe she was childish at times, demanding and spoiled and immature, but if so it was because she was from a world where falling in love with a boy and being loved in return was as simple as breathing and as easy as taking a single step. And if she got hurt? On to the next one! The next one and all the ones before Inuyasha (she could not yet think of any one **after** Inuyasha). She could not pick herself back up and find another this time. Hojo, and all the other Hojos of the world, were nothing more than training steps to something bigger. A bigger something that, until she had fell down a well and into the past and awoke a half-demon, had also been easy and a matter of time. But falling in love, having a distance of centuries and betrayal and heartbreak and battles, her heart was suddenly turned upside down. No longer could she pretend that Inuyasha would be hers if she smiled a little more, if she just held out hope. It was no longer a matter of time or a tug of war, it was a matter of "ifs" and "what ifs."

Love was not something that could be won so easily. Her illusions of love vanished.

Only Inuyasha could decide, and to Kagome he had already decided.

And she could not hate Kikyou for this because Kikyou had decided also. And it was _**not**_ Inuyasha who Kikyou wanted.

For a moment Kagome hated Kikyou for hurting Inuyasha. But it was really Inuyasha who hurt Inuyasha. Because he refused to let go of something Kikyou had let go of long ago.

In hating him Kikyou had tried to do Inuyasha a favor. Tired to make him let her go. Yet he couldn't see that. She hadn't realized this until she had saved Kikyou again. Until she had come across Sesshoumaru, a Sesshoumaru who Kagome hadn't thought existed. Till she had seen them together she hadn't believed Kikyou when she said that she had moved on.

She had been happy for them. But also something in her had been ignited with anxiety.

This was not over. And now that Inuyasha knew about it, now that he had seen Kikyou try to willingly give her life for Sesshoumaru's, Inuyasha wouldn't let it be over.

In his mind was this another betrayal, like the one 50 years ago, or was this something else? Was this simply a battle of "what's mine is mine" and demon pride?

Kagome shivered. Fall was such a cold time. Her thoughts became more hopeless and more sad. This was not helping. Telling Inuyasha had not helped things. She shouldn't have told him about saving Kikyou or about spying on her and Sesshoumaru sharing a kiss. Yet at the time she had felt such joy, such relief at no longer having to fight for his affections that she had eagerly told him. And now this had happened…

"Lady Kagome, you should come inside." Miroku approached them. Inuyasha sat in the shadows, saying nothing, unusual for him. He was really angry now. Or really depressed. Or both.

"Thanks, Miroku, I'll come in soon."

"But-"  
Inuyasha stood up and moved further into the shadows, in to halls that were left barren and empty. Spaces without human warmth.

Miroku frowned, but made no comment at Kagome's request. She had only told Inuyasha, yet somehow the story had spread. At first it had been disbelief among them, all except Kagome (who had witnessed it) and Inuyasha (who loved Kikyou). Then happiness as they tried to make a joke out of it. But one growl from Inuyasha and the game was dead. They were no longer welcome to make a comment on their love triangle turned square. Miroku, Sango, and Shippo had always been pushing Inuyasha towards Kagome, and tried to once more but it only pushed him deeper into despair. So Kagome had kindly requested for them to stay out of it this time and to let Inuyasha decide for himself. Only Kagome couldn't accept her own advice.

Kagome stood up and pushed away Miroku's outstretched hand. She ran after Inuyasha, her feet thudding against the floor boards without care produced a soft sound in the night. Inuyasha's jacket was about her shoulders. It had been discarded, like she was.

"Inuyasha..." She turned the corner, only to lose him.  
But of course she lost him, like she had lost him long ago.

Kagome leaned against the corner of the building and sobbed.

* * *

Later that night, Kagome laid in her futon awake. Inuyasha had not returned to dinner. Nor had he said goodnight. The slow and rapid patterns of human speech, of Miroku and the others, had started to fade away.

"Do you think she-" Sango's voice this time.

"Inuyasha is-" Shippo.

"Shush, she's sleeping. Let's not wake her. Tomorrow we can-"  
Kagome closed her eyes.

_'My god, their treating this like a national disaster.'_

A chuckle turned into a gasp of sorrow, of pain. Why had she let it hurt this _**bad**_? This wound in her heart, a wound inflicted when she had first gazed upon him, now bleed more than any injury she had ever suffered. Affection, hatred, confusion, broken pride. Everything she had or had ever felt for him. Everything that was her. Love was leaking out of her, yet not leaving her. Just creating more holes because deep down she still loved him. Always had and always would. Was made to love him because she is the a reincarnation of the woman that had originally loved him.

_'If so, then I hope I can move on like Kikyou can.'_ A bitter thought. She knew that would never happen.

Kikyou had fallen in love with Sesshoumaru because of the absence of what she now had, life and Inuyasha.

She was sobbing into her pillow now. Full out weeping. She thought this would only happen if her mother died like her father had, or if grandpa passed away or her cat or a hundred other sorrows in life, but somehow this was worse than all of them because Inuyasha was not dead but her heart was. No, it wasn't dead. A living dead heart. Feelings bent on a love never to be returned.

She thought that she could not cry more in that moment than if Inuyasha himself had decided to turn up and say he hated her. That he didn't love her.

Which he didn't.

Kagome muffled her sobs, praying that the others didn't hear.

Inuyasha and her had never had a relationship. He had saw her naked, they had been close—closer than friends, yet never closer than that. She had kissed him once. The memory brought her damp fingertips to her equally damp lips. Then she made a fist and bit in to her knuckles as more sobs racked her small frame. They had had nothing. She was—had she reminded herself—going on false hope. No matter what they had experienced together she had been the only one imagining a future together while Inuyasha was always the one looking to the past.

A sudden burst of cold stilled her, startled her out of her self-pity.

Her broken heart leaped for the figure before her door. Inuyasha's golden eyes glittered in the dark, looking her over.

He seemed cold and distant. Kagome didn't care as she rubbed the back of her hand against her eyes to dry her tears. He must have come for his coat. She drew it around her tightly, then reluctantly brought it from around her shoulders and held it out to him.

Ashamed, at the tears on her cheeks and the look in her eyes or ashamed of her fragile emotions, Inuyasha turned away. Kagome stood up and breached the distance between them. Before she could stop herself her arms were around his waist.

Kagome blushed, surprised at her bold actions, her cheek pressed against his back. She could measure his breaths and feel the warmth of his skin between the thin cotton of his undershirt. Inuyasha turned under her hands and Kagome's grip loosened.

"Kagome..."  
Kagome looked up at him, her eyes falling helplessly into his golden ones. She saw herself reflected in their depths, the pain hidden their. And the sudden resolve and hatred.

She thought it was for her, so she looked down and buried her head into his stomach.  
"Kagome... I'm sorry."  
"What?" She snapped her head back up. But it was too late, the moment was gone. Inuyasha replaced his coat around her shoulders and held her to him briefly before he released her. He turned toward the door, his one act of kindness still upon her as Kagome raced after him.

"Inuyasha, wait!"  
"I can't."  
His words stopped her dead.

"I have to go after him."  
By "him" he meant Sesshoumaru.

"Inuyasha..." Tears chocked her voice. She held a hand over her heart, knotting up the fabric under her hand. The old fashioned kimono nightwear she had received and his coat mixing together. The coat that had protected her so many times, the back that had worn the coat always there for her, both were disappering before her tear blurred eyes. The colors blended together, white and red and silver. She remembered every time he had held her, helped her, and rescued her from danger.

"_I will protect you," _his exact words. Her own words were thrown back in her face at that moment. Hadn't she said she would stay by him regardless of his feelings for Kikyou? Hadn't she said something like it or implied it? Yet here she was blubbering.

Inuyasha's words interpreted her thoughts.

"I can't let her go," His hands became fists at his sides. "I have to know whether this is the truth."

Discovering his mistake at the look on her face, he turned his back to her and continued. "I believe you... But Sesshoumaru is the essence of a demon. No, more than that. That **bastard**..."Memory of Sesshoumaru's previous transgressions passed before Inuyasha's mind. "I can't, I **won't **forgive him or Kikyou."  
Kagome pleaded with him, tears pouring freely this time. "Inuyasha, it was her choice! She's happy! Can't you leave it at that?"

He turned on her, suddenly vicious. Claws dug into her upper arms. "Happy? Happy! How can she be happy with him!"  
"Inuyasha!" Kagome felt her head swing back and then forth from his vicious cycle of emotions.

"_I will protect you." _It was more than a melody; it was a mockery of everything.

"How can she... She doesn't know his true nature... Kagome!" He suddenly realized what he was doing and let go of her. Backing away now, ashamed, frightened of himself.

Kagome pulled away from Inuyasha, frightened of him. Then she realized that this wasn't helping anything. She reached for him and he eased into her touch with little resistance. She gripped the hilt of the sword at his side, the sword that would protect them all, and then she reached up and looked into his face. Her hands shook on his shoulders.

"Inuyasha, just forget it, just forget everything! We can... We can find the rest of the jewel shards, kill Naraku! We can go to the future together... Sango, Miroku, Shippo... Yes, maybe even them too! We can be happy. We can even stay here, in the past! I'll be with you, I'll stay with you!"  
The force of her emotions made him turn away. She hadn't thought a human body could hold this much pain, this many tears.

"Kagome..."  
"I'll stay with you, Inuyasha! I'll stay." This last part was spoken in a husky whisper, her voice finally broken.

Gently, slowly, he removed her hands from him. He took her right one in his left and held it against his forehead, his eyes closed in thought.

"Thank you... Thank you for everything, Kagome."  
It was like a door had slammed in her soul. In one sentence he had left her out, cut her off from him. And she knew she could no longer reach him.

"Inuyasha...?"  
He looked up then, his eyes mature and like she had never seen them before. Gone was the impatience, the selfish anger, and the false bravado that usually made up his emotions. There was hate there, and sadness, but it was not directed at her but someone else.

"Sorry Kagome, but this is between me and him. A Demons Pact."

"Demons... Pact...?" Slowly she repeated his words. Denial, then panic and a new, shattering, heartbreak settling in to her heart as she stared at him. She hadn't thought her heart could be wounded twice in one night. No, broken more than twice in one night.

"This is between brothers," Inuyasha continued. "And between demons. It's something you wouldn't understand."  
"No, I guess I wouldn't, now would I. You never let me in." Bitterness overwhelmed her. "What do you suppose we do about this? Break them up?"  
"Kagome..."  
Kagome pounded against his chest. "Why can't you let it go? Damn you! Damn you Inuyasha, and me for loving you!"  
This was shouted so loud Kagome was sure the whole household had heard it.  
His eyes widened, and then darkened.

"You want to know why I won't let it go?"  
Kagome looked up at him. A stranger's face. Had his face always been this gaunt? This pale?  
"Because I know he won't. Because he won't stop. He won't stop hunting me and I won't stop hunting him until our battle is through, over with. This just gives me a reason."  
Kagome wanted to say: "a reason to fight over one woman like dogs," but she couldn't speak as his eyes took on an unholy light. Fire behind the gold, a red tinge in his eyes that hadn't been there before.

"I will kill him. Or he will kill me. And then it will finally be over. This is about more than Kikyou, this is about honor and pride. And Kikyou... Kikyou is gone."  
Suddenly Kagome realized that the hate in him was not for Sesshoumaru. It was reserved solely for Kikyou. It was solely for the both of them, both her and Sesshoumaru. His love tainting his hate, the same emotions in Kikyou's body that allowed her to survive.

If one has hate, one can go on. Ignore sorrow; ignore pain, the hate consuming everything.

Kagome trembled against him, her legs became weak and she sank to her knees. Inuyasha looked beyond her, into the nigh, even now looking for them.

And suddenly he was gone, leaving Kagome shattered in his wake.

* * *

She sat in the dawn, dried tears on her face and her eyes impossibly red. Then, after a time, she stood up. She reached out for her backpack and reached down into it for two things:  
The first, her clothing. Not her school girl outfit, but jeans and a jacket. She pulled these on without taking off her night clothes.

Then a blade. A hunting knife.

She studied the blade in the morning light, the sun just rising over the horizon and marking the sky with pink. Her eyes were dimmed, as if she now walked in a daze, a fog never lifting. Then she flicked the clasps on her backpack shut and sheathed the blade.

This was not the time to be a drama queen. Inuyasha was no Hamlet. And she wasn't mad.

Yet.

She looked up, into the sun, and then she moved toward the porch and put her shoes on. She lowed herself to the grass.

In the morning, when everyone finally awoke, they would realize that she was gone. That Inuyasha had left in the night.  
But until then just her. Alone.

Before this revelation would have stunned her. She had never done anything on her own before. But now she was filled with a sense of peace. A calm before the storm washed over her.  
If Inuyasha could turn to hatred, she could turn into the void where all emotions cease.

After all, she was half Kikyou.

This thought made her smile. And in the morning light it was horrid. A shadow of what her smile used to be.

We get up, we move on. We lose things, and in their loss and the loss of our own innocence we learn the strength of a woman. That we can get up and go beyond things that a man can not, or could not, possibly understand. Inuyasha did not comfort her, so she would not comfort him or herself with silly words. He was gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.  
But she remained. And, in the back of her heart, so did her love for him.

She pictured Sesshoumaru and Kikyou in her mind. So happy. So in love.

Then she shut out that image to remain emotionless.  
Pocketing her knife she stepped forward, into the dawn.

Kagome knew what she had to do.

The fireflies watched her passage, losing their light for the coming of fall and an early winter.

(End of Fall Chapter One)

* * *

**Author's Note:** I hadn't expected for this chapter to become so depressing. The characters in this fan fiction have all become so ooc. But it's alright for the sake of drama

So do me a favor and review. The next chapter will come whenever. Thanks for reading.


	11. Fall Chapter Two

**Author's Notes: **I haven't updated for a while, and now it's fall. My Inuyasha fan fiction has been going slowly because I've become obsessed with Final Fantasy Unlimited. It's true. That and Vampire Hunter D. I'm working on two fan fictions for that series. One a crossover and another a long running series of fan fiction. I never thought I would do one of those multiple series things. That and I want to adopt a VHD crossover that no one has worked on for three years. But I haven't asked because I know what my reaction would be if someone asked to continue one of my fan fictions for me.  
Also, for those that used to be Kingdom Hearts: Soul Taker fans, rejoice! I'm restarting that series with a new plot and everything. It's going to be called "Gateway". But other than that, I have to keep it on the down low. So it's TBA for now.

In other news, the preview for "Scarred Tragic Kingdom, " I wish I had never posted it. I really don't know if I ever want to work on that series. I've forgotten the plot, and when I reread the 1st chapter I got a headache. (XD) So for now that's on hiatus.

"Kikyou" will have a new chapter sometime this year. Please hold on just a little while longer if you're waiting for a new chapter. Also, if anyone has an idea for a new title, please email me. (no flames or rude emails or spam allowed) And it will go up to a M rating with how the series is going now. Just thought I should let you guys know.  
"Darkness," the chapter I am working on I have to rewrite because I forgot the differences between the two eras that RK and Inuyasha are based on. The Waring States and the Meji era were how far apart? So some characters that I wanted to include in that chapter are obviously dead. (sorry Miroku)

As for "Four Seasons," well I am updating it or trying anyway. It's nearing its conclusion. This chapter will focus on Sesshoumaru's wife, Mitsu (remember her?) and the next chapter will focus on Rin and then Inuyasha. This chapter will be short, but at least it's an update.

**(Also, don't put up questions in a review that have been addressed in an Author's Note)**

* * *

Four Seasons: Fall – Chapter 2

The carriage stopped on the highway, the wagon wheels crunching the new fall leaves to dust. They rattled like the bones of the dead in their earthly graves.

Mitsu thought the sound was lovely. For surely, if there were bones rattling, it must be Sesshoumaru's ancestors from the hideous crimes he had committed against them.  
Mitsu's mouth curved up into a smile. Hadn't she told him that if he fell in love he should kill himself. But she could not kill him herself, for that would be like killing a piece of her own heart.  
Her son needed his father.

Mitsu put a hand over her swollen stomach and looked up at the trees overhead. They were so young, yet they were dying and becoming something new. Even if Sesshoumaru hated her they were still married. He could not turn away from the vows he had made.

She would share his body, if it came down to that. If she had to be disgraced by him having a human mistress then so be it. But she would not give him up. It had been more than a necklace she had dropped into the fire, it had been a vow. A promise. That she would never marry a man that wasn't stronger than herself.  
Now she was the stronger one. How ingenious of her to have planned for the future.

"My queen, the road ahead will be difficult to pass in your condition."  
Mitsu let her eyes fall upon the solider at her side. Her eyes darkened from a light honey color to disturbing amber. "Then make it easy. I will not be turned aside. The people should know. Or would you deny them, and your queen, of tradition?"

"No my queen, but-"

"Then do it. And the next words out of your mouth better be "we have arrived" or I will take your tongue and eat it. Do I make myself clear?"  
He looked like he was about to say "yes," but then he saw that she was serious and shut his mouth and marched away.

Mitsu settled back against her seat with a sigh. Her back hurt. Being pregnant was difficult. How had her mother handled such a burden?  
_Twins_, were her thoughts. It had to be twins. Why else would she be so uncomfortable and large? It would not be uncommon for quintuplets. They were the dog clan after all. It was rare for them to birth only one child.

Would it be boys, or girls? Maybe both.

_I hope it is a son_, Mitsu thought. _Let me have at least one son._

A son could avenge his mother, protect the family linage, and ascend to the throne. A daughter would be forced to carry her burden, the burden of her sex and powerlessness because of it. Daughters were unfortunate. They were treated like painted sheep or cows. Their futures are uncertain and determined by men. Daughters could be hurt.  
Let it be a son.  
Mitsu closed her eyes and reached out for a maple leaf as it fell from overhead into her waiting hands. She lifted it to her mouth and whispered a prayer and blew it to the north wind, to home. For the west wind was too unkind to hear her prayers, just like its lord.

"My queen, someone approaches us."  
Mitsu opened her eyes, and then turned and looked down the road. A figure in strange clothes and with arrows on her back was coming toward them. A human, and a brave one to enter demon territory.  
Mitsu smiled, she was feeling chartiable. She wouldn't eat the girl, not yet anyway. "Continue. But let us stop and pick up this girl."  
It would delay them, but something in the girl's eyes reminded her of herself.

The carriage pulled up beside her and Mitsu gazed down at the girl as she looked up at her.

"What is your name, human?"  
The girl's lips fluttered open, her brown eyes were deep and bottomless as if she were blind. Her black hair swayed in the wind and as she said her name Mitsu suddenly knew who she was.

"Kagome."

Mitsu's lips twisted up into a cruel, yet pitying, smile. Not her husband's mistress, but her double. She had heard of this girl's tale and the story of the Shikon no Tama and the half-demon and his army looking for the shards. Knowledge was power.  
It seemed that one of her prayers would be answered right here and now.

"Child, come up and sit besides me. I am not going your way, but," Mitsu's eyes sparkled with glee. "Maybe we could help each other?"  
Unknowing whether her savior was sincere or not, and not careing that she was a demon, Kagome climbed up and sat besides Mitsu. She eyed her swollen stomach with polite curiosity, the first spark of interest in her eyes since leaving Inuyasha.  
"You're pregnant?"  
Mitsu nodded. Kagome reached out to touch her stomach, but then pulled her hand back. With a smile Mitsu reached out and gently laid Kagome's outstretched hand on her stomach.

"It is alright. Now everything will be fine."  
Her words were not for Kagome. But the other woman didn't notice as she felt a kick against her hand. A new life was born.

"Continue."

"Yes my queen."  
Two could play this game. Betrayal against betrayal.

_Let it be a son_, Mitsu thought as she laid Kagome's head against her stomach and felt the undercurrent of her holy power. A power she would soon control. _Let it be a son because the world is too cruel to daughters, either human or demon._

The north wind carried her message far away, and with it her heart.

(Four Seasons: Fall — Chapter 2 End)

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I don't want you guys to think Mitsu is evil. She's not. But she married for political reasons and was naïve enough to think that she could hold on to Sesshoumaru because she loved him and his power. Remember, she didn't know that Sesshoumaru had Kikyou. At the time she thought it would be a piece of cake to make him love her because they were married. Mitsu was choosen for Sesshoumaru's mate for the reasons that attentive readers have noticed in this chapter, she is as clever as she is beautiful and as cruel as Sesshoumaru himself. Something that Sesshoumaru in his distracted state (in Spring Chapter 4) didn't notice.

She wanted the marriage for power, but at the same time it made her unhappy to know that she would never have Sesshoumaru's heart when she found out about Kikyou. But if she hadn't married she would not have fulfilled the role of her station. There is very little that women could do back then, especially if you were born into the nobility. A good marriage and a good heritage and sons were really all a woman could hope for her daughter. Mitsu says she doesn't want a daughter so her daughter will not become bitter like her or experience a lack of freedom, thus the need for a son.

She also wishes that she could do away with Sesshoumaru, who she has discovered has discreated their marriage vows, but at the same time she is attracted to him and wishes for him to be a father to her children as well.

The ceremony that is mentioned is a public announcement of Mitsu being pregnant, and thus the line of rulers continuing. Normally, the father would make the announcement, but Mitsu has to go by herself. I can't help but feel sorry for her; it's almost as if she has been abandoned.

Kagome showing up and Mitsu befriending her will have consequences later. So remember this chapter. A woman scorned is not a pretty thing, but two? Now I feel sorry for Sesshoumaru.


	12. Fall Chapter Three

**Author's Notes: **It's summer now, but we're still in fall. The fall chapters of _Four Seasons_ that is. Sorry for the wait, (those that have been waiting), but it's been a very busy season for me and its going to get busier this fall 2009 Well, as a special present I have a new chapter for you guys. I can't promise new chapters for _FS_ and my other series, or even a new fan fiction, at the rate I'm going though. But I will make an effort, and I will update something so don't despair. It's just that my muse is on vacation and it seems I've caught a case of the dreaded writers block.

Anyway, this chapter focuses on Rin. Usually Rin goes along with Sesshoumaru shacking up with (living with) Kikyou (or any of the other girls in Inuyasha) in fan fiction. Let's see how she adjusts to Kikyou. ;)

**(Also, don't put up questions in a review that have been addressed in an Author's Note)**

Plus, I don't own Inuyasha. It's been awhile since I've written a disclaimer so I might as well remind the legal powers that exist. I am making no money off of this and I am not the creator or animater or script writer for either the manga, anime, or whatever else that has "Inuyasha" on it. So don't sue me or expect perfection.

* * *

Four Seasons: Fall – Chapter 3

When Rin had first seen Kikyou, she had saved her life from a demon. Back then, seeing Sesshoumaru and Kikyou together had meant nothing, not to any of them. It was merely a meeting of two people with similar dispositions ,and for Rin it was the possibility to talk to someone that was also a girl and to hopefully make a new friend.  
Rin had never been lonely with Sesshoumaru, because with him loneliness did not exist.

Rin had never been scared with Sesshoumaru, because he protected her and never hurt her.

Rin had never been sad with Sesshoumaru, because Sesshoumaru protected her from the feeling of sadness. She could no longer remember her parents and in her eyes Sesshoumaru would never die or be hurt, and in some ways she was right. He was immortal and her hero. But he did occasionally get hurt.

And linked together like this, it was only natural for Rin to think that she was special to him. Which she was. Only she could make him smile (well, almost) and only she, a human, was allowed by his side.

Jaken, Sesshoumaru, and her—it was only natural to think it was forever.  
But on that day when she met Kikyou again, in the rain, and saw Sesshoumaru and Kikyou together, something changed. Kikyou and Sesshoumaru changed. They all changed.  
Rin had gained something more than a friend. She was no longer the only special person by Sesshoumaru's side. She was no longer the only one to make him smile.  
Now Rin felt lonely.

Now she felt sadness, especially when she thought he would be taken away from all of them by Mitsu.

And now, she felt jealously.

"Rin, are you alright?"

Rin looked up from the flower crown she was making and into Kikyou's brown eyes, the older women was leaning over Rin with concern. Rin nodded and then smiled cheerfully.

"Yep, Rin-I mean, I am fine."

Kikyou returned Rin's smile. "I'm glad then. Shall we go?"  
Rin turned away from Kikyou and continued threading the flowers together. "I will wait for Sesshoumaru-sama. He said he would play with me."  
Kikyou stood up and looked toward the horizon. They were in a small clearing waiting for Sesshoumaru to finish securing their transportation. "I talked with him earlier, he said that he would be late. Besides, I doubt that he would have time to play with you today."

Kikyou's last words, echoed in Rin's mind. She threw down her unfinished flower crown angrily. Why did Kikyou get to spend so much time with Sesshoumaru? Rin herself had barely seen him at all today. And the last week they spent in town not at all. It was as if Sesshoumaru and Kikyou were married. The thought of which brought up the painful topic of Sesshoumaru's first and only wife Mitsu.  
Rin had been withdrawn and anxious then, worried that her journeys with Sesshoumaru would end. However, Rin had not been jealous because she could tell that Sesshoumaru did not love Mitsu. But now...

Rin glanced at Kikyou as she went to pick up the discarded flower crown. Kikyou was beautiful and could do many things that Rin couldn't, such as use a bow and make medicine. Kikyou was intelligent and kind, even if sometimes she could be a little distant. And Kikyou had one advantage over Rin also, she was an adult.  
Rin loved Sesshoumaru, maybe not romantically like Kikyou did, but love nonetheless. Rin was not ignorant of their relationship, even if she did not understand it. But she had seen young couples together in the forest and animals mating, and spying on Sesshoumaru and Kikyou together Rin had quickly realized that the two were now a couple.

Rin was not jealous or angry at the former priestess for their coupling, only that Kikyou seemed to be taking all of Sesshoumaru for herself. Rin was afraid that she was no longer needed. Kikyou could give Sesshoumaru so many things that she, a child, couldn't. Rin wished only to stay by his side, but if Sesshoumaru no longer needed her...

Rin ran off suddenly in tears. Kikyou called for her to come back, but Rin ignored her and ran deeper into the forest until she was soon lost. Angrily, Rin wiped away her tears and started to turn back, but it was all ready too the late. The damage had been done. Rin could no longer stay by Sesshoumaru's side.

* * *

"Rin! Please, if you can hear my voice please respond and say something! Rin!" Kikyou shouted as she combed the forest looking for her. Sesshoumaru said nothing, and his silence was beginning to scare her.

This was all her fault. If she hadn't left Rin alone, or if she had been kinder to her, maybe this would not be happening at all.

But it was not as if Kikyou had been rude to Rin, or as if she had turned her back on the girl, it was that Rin was inexperienced with sharing. To put it simply, Kikyou suspected that Rin was jealous of her and Sesshoumaru's relationship and insecure about her place in their lives.

Kikyou stopped and wrung her hands anxiously, something she had never done before. Kikyou was also unsure about her new role as Sesshoumaru's lover. Kikyou was used to dealing with children that weren't her's, what if she was doing something wrong? Instead of a sister Rin needed a mother. Should she had said something before that could have changed everything.

Thinking such thoughts made Kikyou realize that she loved Rin, in her eyes Rin was her child. And it scared her.

Sesshoumaru's hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"We should hold off searching for Rin and wait, at least until the moon comes out."  
Kikyou wanted to bash Sesshoumaru in the face. "Can't you see that by then something could have happened to Rin! It might already be too late!!"

Sesshoumaru's grip on her shoulder tightened and his mouth became a stern line. "I'm going to forgive that because you're concerned for Rin's safety, but she's been walking through forests since she was a toddler and the lengthening shadows won't help. Someone should stay here, at the campsite until she comes back."  
What Sesshoumaru was saying made sense. What if Rin came back and they were away looking for her. Then they would be lost and Rin would be looking for them.

Kikyou nodded. "Alright I'll—"

"—Look for Rin," Sesshoumaru finished. "If anyone can find her it is you."

Kikyou was flabbergasted. Wouldn't Sesshoumaru be better equipped to find Rin. Rin didn't even want seen to like her!

It was surprising that even though they used to be so close they were now so far apart. Maybe getting them to find each other, metaphorically and physically would be the key to bringing all of them together.

Kikyou was silent for a long time. The shadows lengthened before she spoke. "If I go searching for her... And my servants, the shinidamachuu, come to me..."  
Sesshoumaru brushed his hand against Kikyou's cheek gently, a rare display of emotions for him. "I trust you will know what to say when the time comes."

* * *

Kikyou set out, determined to find Rin, but less and less certain of what would happen when she would find her. Kikyou had no fantasy's about a joy full family reunion. Rin didn't even see her as family! Plus, with the coming of night Kikyou started to feel faint with the need to gain energy. She had forgotten her needs, what with the battle with Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru's confession, and Rin running away Kikyou had completely forgotten that she hadn't devoured souls in a long while.

The sun set and the moon was just starting to rise over the horizon when Kikyou found Rin. The small girl was huddled at the base of a tree, crouching amongst the tree roots and trying to keep warm.

"Rin..." Kikyou whispered. Her knees shook with relief. Rin was safe after all.  
Kikyou had believed herself emotionless.

Above human emotions because she was not human.

Above human emotions because she was dead.

Above human emotions because she was fueled by hate.

But now things were different. She had a new reason to live. Rin and Sesshoumaru the reason to live beyond her feud with Inuyasha and Naraku.

Kikyou began to run toward the girl when she felt her legs give out for real. Her time was up, her energy had run out.

One by one lights flickered in the darkness, trying to outrace the moon.

* * *

Rin looked up from her lap as she heard a thud. She had spent the last few hours debating on whether or not to go back to camp when Kikyou had found her cold, hungry, and about to beg to be admitted as Sesshoumaru's servant like Jaken rather than be forced out of their group now that Sesshoumaru no longer needed her.

When Rin looked up she saw Kikyou face first in the dirt before her. The young women seemed to be struggling to lift her head, much less sit up.

Forgetting her turbulent emotions, Rin ran toward Kikyou and helped her sit up. Kikyou could only stare at Rin as she weakly tried to lift her hand to push Rin away.

Even Kikyou didn't need her... Rin pushed such thoughts away and held on to Kikyou more tightly.

Just then she felt the brush of scales against her exposed face and hands as well as a gust of wind. Suddenly her and Kikyou were surrounded by serpent like creatures floating in mid air and glowing eerily. Rin tried to brush them away, but they just ignored her. In their arachnid like limbs they held glowing orbs, orbs that hey were trying to place in Kikyou's lap but which Rin mistook as trying to take Kikyou.

Rin put herself between Kikyou and the creatures to no avail. They just moved around her and alighted upon Kikyou. Rin tried frantically to hold on to Kikyou, but it was no use. Kikyou and the creatures took to the air.

The glowing orbs—souls—were absorbed by Kikyou, giving her a new life. Free of her paralysis, Kikyou touched her face and arms, and they reached out her hand to her soul stealing servants like one would to a pet.

Rin, below her, continued to stare at her friend. She was terrified of the creatures, but if Kikyou was still alive then that meant that everything was alright, right?

Yet she had never seen Kikyou like this. This was not the human woman that had played with her and always been by her side, this was something else.

"Kikyou...?" Rin whispered, almost afraid to disturb her.

Finally remembering Rin, Kikyou's already pale face was paled further. Rin had found out her secret.

Kikyou returned to the ground and reached for Rin, but the young girl took a step back. Kikyou dropped her hand, her heart broken. Would Rin hate her too?

Almost as in encouraging their mistress, and sensing that she needed a time alone, the shinidamachuu left the two of them alone.

"Rin... I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to know that I'm... To feel like you're..." Kikyou was at a loss for words. She wanted to apologize for never telling Rin about her and Sesshoumaru, yet she also wanted—needed—for Rin to understand her. To not run away like the others had and still love her. Even Inuyasha had been repulsed. Kikyou had thought she had found a sanctuary in being with Sesshoumaru, Rin, and even Jaken. Here she was respected, loved, and even valued. Sesshoumaru loved her despite her status and her body, could Rin?

Rin looked down and then back up at Kikyou before glancing at Kikyou's servants. Once you got used to them, they weren't so menacing. And Kikyou... Rin had never seen Kikyou so hurt before.

Rin thought of why she had been so angry at Kikyou, so afraid that Sesshoumaru would not want her, but here Kikyou was risking herself to find her. Kikyou had collapsed in exhaustion from trying to find her. The woman's clothes were torn, dirt smeared her face, and her saddles were ripped to shreds from jagged rocks and roots.

Rin looked up as she heard Kikyou sob.

"Rin... I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Sesshoumaru, this, none of it! I... I love you. And I want what's best for you... but I'm not even human! Sesshoumaru, I love Sesshoumaru because he loves me for what I am, and this is what I am!" Kikyou waved her arms around her, indicating her servants. "I am a lifeless doll! I only lived so far off of my need to for vengeance. But now—now I want to live with you and Sesshoumaru. If I can't be your mother, or your sister, I want to be your friend. Sesshoumaru loves you so much, and so do I. Will you come back with me?"

Rin reached out her hand as Kikyou reached out her's for Rin's hand, their finger tips were just about to touch when they both turned at the sound of the underbrush rustling.

It was Sesshoumaru, he too seemed to be in an elegant state of disrepair. It seemed he had been looking for the two of them. Many hours had passed by between Rin leaving and Kikyou setting off after her by herself. Sesshoumaru had held back from coming along not because of pride or because he didn't care, but because he didn't know what to do to mend the situation and was hoping Kikyou and Rin could figure it out for themselves.

Rin smiled at seeing Sesshoumaru at last and ran up to him and jumped up to embrace him. Kikyou watched the two of them sadly.

If it would mend things between them, then Kikyou would gladly leave both Rin and Sesshoumaru if it meant that Rin would be happy.

Sesshoumaru, seeing Kikyou's reluctance, held out his hand hoping Kikyou would come back with him and Rin. Kikyou looked up startled as Sesshoumaru offered his hand to her. There was an incertitude in his eyes she had never seen before.

Rin looked between them, really looking at Sesshoumaru and Kikyou. It was obvious that they cared for each other, yet Kikyou (and even Sesshoumaru, though he would never admit it) were willing to go through hell for her. If Rin really couldn't get along with the both of them, one of them was prepared to leave the other.

Did Rin really want to break them up? More importantly, did she really not like the thought of the two of them being together?

Rin thought back to the days before Kikyou and Sesshoumaru had expressed their love for each other. The days back then had been fun and everyday full of adventure, hope, and happiness. They had had their dramatic moments, even a few scary ones, but all together they—Sesshoumaru, Rin, and Kikyou—had gotten through it like a family.

A family, this was what they were. And the the closest one Rin had ever known. They could still be a family. They still were.

Rin smiled and waved at Kikyou, inviting her over.

"Rin?"  
"Come on Kikyou-sama, we should return before Jaken thinks we've left without him!"

Kikyou wiped away her tears and accepted Sesshoumaru's hand. Sesshoumaru briefly squeezed it before setting Rin down and holding her hand. Kikyou took Rin's other hand in her own and Rin smiled up at her happily. She would always be Kikyou to her, no matter what form she took.

The three of them returned to the campsite together, as a family.

Rin would never been lonely with Sesshoumaru and Kikyou, because with them loneliness did not exist.

Rin would never been scared with Sesshoumaru and Kikyou, because they protected her and never hurt her.

Rin would never be sad with Sesshoumaru and Kikyou, because they protected her from the feeling of sadness.

Rin finally found her home.

(7/31/09—Fall Chapter 3—End)

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Who doesn't have the warm fuzzies after reading this? I hope everyone liked this. And I wish I could update weekly, or even monthly, but I really can't. There is some much going on all the time in my life. I'm really busy. Plus, school starts in 2 weeks for me. Wish me luck, I'll need it. (I'm not even a senior yet, and college life is kicking my ass, lol) So please, **please**, continue to believe in me. I know I've broken promises before, but I will not break this one. **I** **promise you that by the middle of next year at least, this story will be over. If not sooner.** So please be patient on this and my other works.

Anyway, the next chapter will be Inuyasha's thoughts on Kikyou and Sesshoumaru's relationship and what, if anything, he should do about Kagome.

I know the Inuyasha manga series is already over, but I haven't finished it. So no one ruin it for me. Okay? I already know that in the series (SPOLIER ALERT) Kikyou is killed (again) and does not end up with either Inuyasha or Sesshoumaru. But that is what fan fiction is for, to fix the injustices and the original author's mistakes.! (just kidding, ;^_^) Really, it's no surprise. Kikyou couldn't live forever in order for Kagome to exist, but it's not like Kagome couldn't exist without that small part of her soul. Kikyou deserved to live a regular life as herself. I can't even believe Kagome is Kikyou's reincarnation. But at least I'll say this, Inuyasha and Kikyou are really meant for each other. I know, I know, blasphemy considering that I'm now a big time Kikyou and Sesshoumaru fan. But think about it, especially IxK haters and Kikyou haters, Inuyasha fell in love with Kikyou right? And then Kagome? Kagome is Kikyou's reincarnation, which means that as long as her soul continues to come back to earth her and Inuyasha are meant for each other. So it's kind of bittersweet. Kikyou is still technically alive in Kagome, but the Kikyou we know is gone.

Now I will say this in SxK defense, because the other half of me wants to kick my ass for all this IXK love. If Inuyasha had never met Kikyou, if it had been Sesshoumaru after the jewel's power (and we know that he always passionately goes after whatever he wants, look at how many times he has tried to kill Inuyasha?), then Kikyou and him might (and I say might because I'm not the creator of Inuyasha and am not 100% certain of what they would do in that situation) have fallen in love. No matter what, those two brothers are more alike then they think. (especially when it comes to being stubborn). Maybe the tale of their romance would not have been as exciting as Inuyasha, but we as fans can dream, right?

One more thing, Kikyou will always be reincarnated. Which means, as long as Sesshoumaru does not die, he has the possibility to see her again in the future. In the modern world, long after Kagome has kicked the bucket, they could be reunited. Sweet huh?

So it's not hopeless, and as long as people continue to love Inuyasha, people will continue to write great fan fiction about the greatest woman in anime: Kikyou.(SPOLIER ALERT)

Plus, and this is not "spolier alerted", any SxKagome fans out there? Kagome is Kikyou's reincarnation, which means you all are not only fans of one of the most impossible couplings, you also are secretly SxKikyou fans! (LOL)

That's all I wanted to say. Sorry if I was long winded. (or picked on you, ^_-)Please look forward to Fall Chapter 4.


	13. Fall Chapter Four

**Author's Notes:** It's been a long time. Probably almost two years. Not quite sure of the date exactly, but it's been forever since I've had time or the motivation to write anything. To be honest, college is kicking my ass. I barely have free time and when I do I never feel like writing anything beyond assignments. I could go on a long rant about it but I won't.

This is the last chapter of the Fall chapters. This means there is only Winter and one more Spring chapter left to bring this full circle, 5 chapters. I'm really not sure when I'll ever finish this but I would like to thank anyone that is still reading this story or just discovering it for the first time. Thank you for your support.

(Also, don't ask questions in a review that have been addressed in an Author's Note)

* * *

Four Seasons: Fall – Chapter 4

Sesshoumaru watched Kikyou glance out the window, a shower of praise for the newborn kings and newly fallen maple leaves slid past the palace. The shadows of twilight hung over Kikyou's face, turning her fragile features into a death mask. There were no lights in the room they shared and the festive atmosphere of the crowd outside didn't reach them, instead Kikyou and Sesshoumaru seemed to be separated from the world and locked in their own personal grief.

Kikyou reached out a hand towards Sesshoumaru as he came to her side, he took her hand and the two watched the leaves fall together.

"I don't hate you," Kikyou spoke first, breaking the silence. "It was inevitable."

Sesshoumaru bowed his head, stared at Kikyou's hand cradled in his, and didn't look up as he whispered, "Nothing is inevitable."

Kikyou turned from the window and gazed at him, for the first time really seeing him as a monarch and not her lover. "Do you really believe that?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer. Instead of meeting her eyes, he raised Kikyou's hand to his lips and kissed it. Kikyou tried to smile at his formality, but she couldn't smile or restrain a sob in her throat as someone below started to chant blessings for the royal family and the fertility of their lord and lady.

As if sensing her pain, Sesshoumaru pulled Kikyou into an embrace. At first she resisted, wanting to hold on to her pride until the end, but finally Kikyou relaxed against his chest as Sesshoumaru made a promise with her.

"You will always be the first in my heart."

* * *

(Two days ago…)

"What is this?" Sesshoumaru held out the scroll in his hand to the servant before him. The servant demon from the castle was on top of a floating carriage nestled in a cloud like the ones Sesshoumaru sometimes used. They were by the sea, Sesshoumaru and his group and the messengers from the castle, so the spectacle of demon transport was not witnessed by anyone else. Sesshoumaru gave a hateful glare to the extravagant seal on both the carriage and the scroll he had received. Both were his family's crest. He hadn't seen either since his wedding to Lady Mitsu of the North two seasons ago.

Kikyou was silent by his side, refusing to take part in his business since for once it had nothing to do with her or the jewel. Jaken was staring from the messenger, to Sesshoumaru, and then to the scroll and back and for once the toad demon was dumbfounded. Last time he had known and expected the messenger but had failed to tell his lord. If this was the case again Jaken was either a very good liar or was going to receive the beating of his life later.

"This is a summons, my lord, by Mitsu-sama," the servant replied before quickly slipping back in to the carriage and flying away. It was as if he sensed Sesshoumaru's growing anger and wanted to get as far away as possible.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," Jaken said while hoping up and down and trying to get his attention. "I had no idea! I promise you my lord I would have—"

At that moment Jaken was cut off as Sesshoumaru threw him aside and into the surrounding trees, where the little demon landed with a thud somewhere painful and unknown.

Absently, Sesshoumaru signaled that he wanted to be alone and walked away from Kikyou and Rin. For once Kikyou didn't protest, try to stop him, or interrupt his privacy. Instead she quickly took Rin's hand and encouraged the little girl to play with her.

Finally alone, Sesshoumaru opened the scroll he had received. At first it meant nothing to him, just a bunch of polite salutations and lists of his titles and praise to his magnificence, but then as he finally reached the conclusion of the letter one sentence made him drop the scroll in horror:

"With many humble prayers of thanks to the gods and wishes of happiness to our powerful and all mighty lord we congratulate you on the birth of your twin sons by Lady Mitsu of the North, your honored wife," this is what the letter said but what Sesshoumaru couldn't believe.

It didn't seem real that one sentence could hold so much weight and destroy everything. At first the possibility of being a father had crossed his mind after he had completed his marriage duties with Mitsu. And even then the thought had horrified him until Kikyou had comforted him. Then he had forgotten Mitsu completely after he realized his feelings for Kikyou. But now, with the news of newborn sons, Sesshoumaru was forced to realize the consequences of being a king and a husband. He was a father, not only that but the father of two sons. The parallels between his life and his father were frightening. Trapped in a loveless marriage, two sons, and a human woman for a mistress…was the past repeating itself?

Sesshoumaru almost wished this was a trap, that some foul enemy had created this scroll to try to take his life once he returned to his kingdom and let his guard down. In fact, stowing his panic and misery away, Sesshoumaru decided he would return just to prove that it was a trap.

"Jaken."

As if waiting for his summons, Jaken popped out of the forest and was suddenly at his feet.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"We're returning to the west, to my home. Send a message to announce my arrival and prepare for our departure from this land."

Jaken nodded once before he ran off to complete his tasks.

When Sesshoumaru returned to the inn where they were staying, Kikyou and Rin they were already packed and ready to leave.

"I thought this would happen," Kikyou said as she finished packing what few belongings she had and strapped her bow and arrows to her back. "Sooner or later reality would return and our vacation would be over. As soon as I saw that scroll I knew it."

"Vacation?" Sesshoumaru asked, watching Kikyou as she bathed Rin before putting her in a fresh kimono and setting out formal clothes for Rin to wear tomorrow. Rin hated wearing formal clothes and baths, but it was necessary for returning to Sesshoumaru's kingdom. However, this time Rin didn't protest as Kikyou bathed her and sent her off to bed. Even Rin could sense the seriousness of the situation.

It was night, tomorrow morning at dawn they would leave for their journey. With Sesshoumaru's powers a journey of hundreds of miles could be accomplished in a day. Thus, Kikyou rushed to double check their luggage, to pay for their rooms, and finally to prepare Rin for bed and their return to the west.

"Vacation?" Sesshoumaru repeated as Kikyou refused to answer his question as she took off her wet clothes and prepared for bed. "What do you mean by vacation?"

Kikyou looked over her shoulder at Sesshoumaru and rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You had to know that our romantic days together would end. I mean, look at you!" Kikyou turned around and waved her hand at him, indicating his whole body before pointing to her own. "You're the Lord of the West, I'm a reanimated corpse. You do the math."

"I don't understand."

For Sesshoumaru to admit he didn't understand something was a huge indicator of how much he cared for Kikyou. It also made Kikyou furious.

"What do you mean you don't understand!" Kikyou shouted as she picked up a pillow and threw it at him. "You're a demon. I'm dead. We had a brief affair and now it's over. End of story."

Sesshoumaru grabbed Kikyou's arm before she turned away from him and forced her to look him in the eye. "It's not over."

Kikyou glared back at him. "Yes it is. I don't date married men with children. At least not married men with children related to them. I know where this story will end, Sesshoumaru. And so do you."

"No, I don't know how it will end. We're not finished."

"We are," Kikyou stated as she pulled away from him. "Goodnight."

After saying goodnight Kikyou walked away and left Sesshoumaru alone in the room they had shared to sleep with Rin. For once Sesshoumaru didn't follow her.

Before he had told Kikyou the news he had received, that Mitsu had birthed twin sons from a pregnancy he han't even been made aware of, she already knew, or was suspecting, the reason for his sudden to return to the west. Other than their first real argument as lovers, the only words she had to say about the news of Sesshoumaru being a father was: "Congratulations." While most lovers would have cried or cursed both him and his wife Kikyou calmly accepted everything before abruptly telling him their relationship was over.

But it wasn't just her sudden acceptance of their situation that disturbed him. What was the most upsetting thing about their argument wasn't that she was leaving him, Sesshoumaru was confident that Kikyou would change her mind eventually, but that she reminded him that this situation wasn't new or exclusive to them. His father had been in the same predicament, and because of it he had killed his mother, married his human mistress, and sired Inuyasha.

The only difference this time was that there were twins involved and Kikyou wasn't entirely human and couldn't have children.

"_No,"_ Sesshoumaru reminded himself. _"I don't know if this scroll is even telling the truth. It's possible that this is all false, a ruse to get me to go back to the west."_

But even as he thought this a part of him already knew the truth.

* * *

The Western Kingdom of the Dog Demon clan never changed, unlike the kingdoms to the north, south, and east Sesshoumaru's kingdom was stable. Even after the scandal with his father and Inuyasha's mother, even after his father's death, and even though he traveled the kingdom remained stable, serene, peaceful.

And Sesshoumaru hated it. When he was young he had longed to be king. But if he had known what a burden being king was he would have never wanted the position. Only the fact that he was the legitimate son and that there was no way Inuyasha was going to take even more of his father's inheritance kept him from discarding the throne. That and the fact that thousands of lives depended on him kept Sesshoumaru's shoulders back and his head held high as he road above the cheering crowd below him. He was the king, these were his people, and even if he didn't feel like being a ruler or a father, Sesshoumaru was still repulsed by the idea of fatherhood, he had to present himself as one.

Behind him were Kikyou, Rin and Jaken in the positions of servants with their heads bowed, hands in their laps, and their eyes closed or staring at nothing. Servants weren't even permitted to look upon their masters, much less demons of higher rank. Usually Sesshoumaru didn't follow these rules, especially with Kikyou, but appearance was everything. This was the first time him and Kikyou hadn't ridden side by side and the first time in a long time that they hadn't talked to each other. He missed her laugh, her voice, and even her sarcasm. Right now he would trade away his father's sword if it meant that things could return to the way they had been. But since the night before, when they had quarreled, Kikyou refused to speak to him. And Sesshoumaru had too much pride to beg or apologize to her, even if he felt like the whole situation was his fault-which it was.

By the time they reached the palace the crowd had doubled in size and strangely Mitsu was nowhere to be found. Her absence was finally explained as Sesshoumaru entered the grounds of the palace as several of Mitsu's servants and royal members of both sides of the throne, Sesshoumaru's advisors and Mitsu's family, paid their respects.

"Welcome home, my lord," they all spoke at once. However, what was supposed to be a warm greeting seemed stiff and cold. For such a joyous occasion, the only people that seemed happy were the peasants. "Mitsu-sama is recovering after the difficult delivery of your sons."

As usual, Kikyou, Rin and Jaken were ushered aside to the servants' quarters. Sesshoumaru was tempted to keep Kikyou at his side, even if she had to stay besides him at a distance. But one look from Kikyou and he knew it was impossible. Kikyou silently reminded him of their social status with a single glare and a turn of her head away from him and disappeared, swallowed up by the crowd around him.

Instead of immediately going to see Mitsu, Sesshoumaru returned to his own quarters. There were several things he needed to do before he could face her. First, he had to return his appearance to the way it had been. That meant changing into his old clothes and abandoning the maroon outfit he had taken up immediately after marrying Mitsu and leaving the palace.

These clothes were a symbol of his willingness to follow after his own desires, putting Kikyou and his makeshift family first. He had abandoned his hatred of humans for Kikyou and Rin, his desire for Tetsusaiga put aside for his desire for Kikyou's love and safety, but now things had changed. Those clothes also stood for his marriage and what he had to give up to be king, something Sesshoumaru had ignored while he had continued his travels with Kikyou. Sesshoumaru would have been happy to continue to pretend that Kikyou and Rin were his only responsibilities and that the only thing he had to worry about was killing Inuyasha and Naraku. But now he couldn't afford to think about anything else, even Tetsusaiga. To face Mitsu Sesshoumaru would need all his mental facilities. And that meant returning to his intimidating appearance and the Lord of the West mindset.

His wife was a woman as cunning as she was beautiful. But of course she would have to be in order to be considered his wife. Even before Sesshoumaru had taken Mitsu as his wife, he had known that she was more than she appeared to be. With all the pressure, both mental and physical, to choose a wife and his ongoing conflict between duty and his own heart, Sesshoumaru had tried his best to pick an appropriate woman to be his bride. Someone like Mitsu, who came from a once powerful clan, saw this marriage as political and lusted for his power more than his physical appearance, his body, or an elevated social status. These reasons alone wouldn't have made her stand out from the other candidates, many of the women that were presented to him had had their eyes on the throne, but she had wanted him for a husband for the same reasons that Sesshoumaru had wanted her as a wife: to fulfill family obligations and to continue their own lives uninterrupted. There was no love lost between them, and they were practically strangers to one another, but they didn't hate each other either. Mitsu had agreed to keep her part of the bargain and govern his country in her absence without changing any of his policies and to keep up the appearance of the faithful and loyal wife.

Others would have tired to make him fall in love with them, try to take the throne, or forget their place. Mitsu, however, was the perfect wife and Sesshoumaru the perfect husband. Both had accepted the reality of their situation without trying to make it what they wished it to be.

Unfortunately, children were also a part of their bargain. It was necessary to continue the succession of the throne. But Sesshoumaru had only slept with Mitsu once, and even if she did get pregnant with his children…

But that wasn't important now. What was important was returning things to the way they had been and to keep a distance between his heart and Mitsu. No matter how many children they had, Sesshoumaru was sure he could never love Mitsu like he loved Kikyou. But for once, for the first time, Sesshoumaru was forced to consider rather or not he knew his wife as well as he thought and rather or not their bargain still stood.

Sesshoumaru finished dressing and then brushed out his hair. It had been months since he had cut it, and now the once shoulder length silver strands reached the middle of his back. He could never return to the person he had been, but he could pretend to be that person. Finally finishing his preparations by strapping on his swords and armor, Sesshoumaru went to face Mitsu.

* * *

Mitsu's chambers were unusually dark and Sesshoumaru couldn't sense the presence of anyone till he entered her parlor. Outside festivities for welcoming the new princes were already underway. He could already hear the cheers and fireworks even though it wasn't dark yet and he was in the middle of the palace and far away from crowd of revelers.

As Sesshoumaru entered the room, he picked up on the aura of someone he didn't expect.

Kagome.

"Mitsu-sama, your husband has returned," Kagome said as she entered the room dressed in the simple green and yellow garments of a servant of Mitsu's family. She must have been concealing her presence in the crowd of demons surrounding the palace

Without even glancing in Sesshoumaru's direction Kagome went straight to a tall chair in the middle of the room and bowed before it. It took Sesshoumaru several seconds to realize that Mitsu was seated in the over-sized chair. In the dark Mitsu sat like the queen she was, regal and cold while impassively sizing up Sesshoumaru. As Kagome lit up the lamps in the room Sesshoumaru could see her better. She looked tired and she slumped in her seat with fatigue, but she didn't lose any of her beauty or elegance.

If vanity had been the fuel for her beauty before, now it was the satisfaction of seeing beyond Sesshoumaru's emotionless mask that illuminated more than the candles in the room and lit up her honey colored eyes her as Mitsu finally smiled.

"My husband, so you've returned to me after all. Hasn't he, Kagome?"

"He has, my lady," Kagome replied with a small nod of her head. She bowed before her lady, the perfect picture of a human slave, and stood besides her master.

"What is this?" Sesshoumaru growled. "What is going on here?"

Mitsu laughed. For awhile only her laughter and the sound of fireworks echoed around the room.

"My, you can look the part but you can't keep yourself in character. I'm the one that should be asking that question. Didn't you promise me that you would kill yourself before you ended up like your father, before you brought disgrace upon us all? So why have you returned smelling like a human?"

"Answer my question, Mitsu." Sesshoumaru pushed past Kagome, who had stood up to place herself as a barrier between husband and wife at his anger, and glowered down at Mitsu. If anything, her smile grew. She wasn't intimidated in the least, or if Mitsu was she masked it well.

"You wouldn't kill the mother of your children, would you Sesshoumaru? Besides, to answer your question about my new servant, she came here of her own will. Her resemblance to your," Here Mitsu paused and smirked. "..._human_ is remarkable, isn't it? And she has told me the most fascinating things…"

At that point Sesshoumaru almost laid his hands on Mitsu, but before he could knock her out of her chair or strangle the life out of her a sound stopped Sesshoumaru. The sound of a baby crying prevented him from moving.

Kagome returned carrying two bundles in her arms. In his anger Sesshoumaru hadn't even noticed when she had left the room. Even in the lingering darkness of the room Sesshoumaru could make out what they were, his children.

Mitsu stood up and quickly went to Kagome's side. Kagome smiled and handed one of the babies to her. Mitsu cooed to the bundle in her arms and rocked it in her arms. With motherly care she slowly walked to a corner of the room and laid both of the infants in their crib.

"There, my darlings, it's alright now," Mitsu whispered to them, ignoring Sesshoumaru completely.

The presence of the newborns made it impossible for Sesshoumaru to focus on Kagome, who melted into the shadows and quietly left them alone.

"…What are their names?" Sesshoumaru asked, forcing himself to ask but almost afraid of the answer. It was so much easier to pretend they didn't exist when they weren't in the same room as him.

"You're the father, isn't it your job to name them? Or you can't even do that, can you?" Mitsu replied over her shoulder while playing with one of the babe's hands and watching as he squeezed her finger and let go.

Sesshoumaru kept his distance, watching as Mitsu took care of her, _his_, sons. He didn't want to see them. To see them would make them real.

"Why?" Sesshoumaru whispered absentmindedly. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. This wasn't how the story was supposed to end. But hadn't Kikyou said that this was reality? Yes, it was a reality that he had shaped with his own hands. A lifetime ago this was where he had wanted to be, a father and the ruler of the West. With those things in place he could chase after Inuyasha without having to worry about his kingdom. As long as he did what needed to be done he would succeed. But he had never thought about the consequences.

"Come closer," Mitsu said, finally looking at him instead of her children. "These are your children. Name them."

Obeying a command for the first time in his adult life, Sesshoumaru walked to Mitsu's side and gazed down at his children.

They were beautiful, that was Sesshoumaru's first thought.

They had Mitsu's soft features, but Sesshoumaru's golden eyes and platinum hair. They were almost identical except for their temperament, one of the boys reached out his hand for his and the other looked up and cried, fearful of the father they knew only as a stranger.

Sesshoumaru's face, normally emotionless, shifted from wariness to a mixture of joy and sorrow as his son reached out to him. Finally closing the gap between them, Sesshoumaru touched his son's hand and both of his sons watched him with wonder and joy as he linked his hand to theirs, giving one his thumb and the other his pinkie to play with.

"They have a strong grip, don't they? Someday they will be strong warriors, beautiful and powerful princes and kings, like you. Isn't this what you want for your sons?" Mitsu asked, breaking the tender moment between father and sons.

"Why are you always asking questions? What do you want from me that you don't already have?" Sesshoumaru withdrew his hand and turned around to answer Mitsu.

"I want you to keep your promise!" Mitsu hissed. "Kill yourself or be their father and stop this foolishness! Do you think I don't know that you're sleeping with that…that thing! After what Kagome told me I can't even call her human. I knew it, back then when I saw you and her for the first time before you even considered making me your wife, I knew what she was to you."

"And what is Kikyou to me? Tell me!" Sesshoumaru raised his voice and marched toward Mitsu, backing her into a corner. In her haste to avoid him, Mitsu knocked over one of the lamps in the room. The light hovering over their sons went out and encased them in darkness. One of the fireworks outside went off with a loud boom, signaling the finale of the celebrations and illuminating the now dark corner they were in. In the darkness and silence afterward only their breaths and the babies' cries could be heard.

"I don't have to tell you," Mitsu said, her voice soft and low and almost on the edge of tears. "You already know the answer."

Sesshoumaru reeled back as if struck. It wasn't because he realized his feelings for Kikyou, he had known for a long time now that he loved her and Kikyou knew that as well. Sesshoumaru backed away from Mitsu and his newborn sons in shock because he realized that there could be only one answer he could give Mitsu or himself to her demands.

Without saying another word, Mitsu left the room. Like clockwork, Kagome appeared and escorted Kikyou in. Whatever had transpired between the two women was unknown and Kikyou's emotionless face revealed nothing. Kagome, acting the part of the perfect servant, bowed once to Sesshoumaru before closing the door behind her.

Only when the door shut did Kikyou move from her position by the door. Kikyou drifted toward the crib first before changing her mind and slowly walking toward the window. The remaining light in the room vanished as the lamps' wicks burned out. Sesshoumaru couldn't look at her. Silence was his only response to Kikyou's presence.

Sesshoumaru watched Kikyou glance out the window, a shower of praise for the newborn kings and newly fallen maple leaves slid past the palace. The shadows of twilight hung over Kikyou's face, turning her fragile features into a death mask. There were no lights in the room they shared and the festive atmosphere of the crowd outside didn't reach them, instead Kikyou and Sesshoumaru seemed to be separated from the world and locked in their own personal grief.

Kikyou reached out a hand towards Sesshoumaru as he came to her side. He took her hand and the two watched the leaves fall together.

"I don't hate you," Kikyou spoke first, breaking the silence. "It was inevitable."

Sesshoumaru bowed his head, stared at Kikyou's hand cradled in his, and didn't look up as he whispered, "Nothing is inevitable."

Kikyou turned from the window and gazed at him, for the first time really seeing him as a monarch and not her lover. "Do you really believe that?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer. Instead of meeting her eyes, he raised Kikyou's hand to his lips and kissed it. Kikyou tried to smile at his formality, but she couldn't smile or restrain a sob in her throat as someone below started to chant blessings for the royal family and the fertility of their lord and lady.

As if sensing her pain, Sesshoumaru pulled Kikyou into an embrace. At first she resisted, wanting to hold on to her pride until the end, but finally Kikyou relaxed against his chest as Sesshoumaru made a promise with her.

"You will always be the first in my heart."

"And you in mine," Kikyou replied as she wrapped her arms around Sesshoumaru's waist, finally returning his embrace. "You always will be, no matter what you do."

"Kikyou…"

"I wanted children too. That's why I love Rin so much; she's the child I could never have. I wanted so many things when I was alive, so many things that my desires almost swallowed me up before my death and the earth did," Kikyou said as she changed the subject and pulled away from Sesshoumaru to cradle his face in her hands.

"There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, I wanted to feel a child inside me and hear a child's laughter. The laughter of a child I had made with the one I love. I wanted to live a peaceful life and never, ever, use my powers again. And…" Kikyou sighed before continuing.

"I wanted to love you forever. I want to so much that it's almost tearing me apart inside and I can't stand the fact that I'm hurting you. I could kill you for making me feel this way. The jealousy and guilt, and yes even the hatred I feel towards you and your family," Kikyou almost chocked on the word _family_. "… I can't give you children, I can't be your wife, and I can't stay with you and watch you have a family with Mitsu or share her with you. I can't even stand sharing you with your children. I can't."

"Don't," Sesshoumaru held on to Kikyou's wrist as she pulled away from him. "Don't walk away from me. This is not how it ends."

Kikyou looked back at Sesshoumaru and smiled sadly. "This was always how it was meant to end, in one form or another. I told you, didn't I? That day when I first came to stand at your side I told you I wasn't human. I can't live a human life."

"This has nothing to do with living a human life!" Sesshoumaru shouted.

Kikyou broke his hold on her wrist and pushed him away from her. "This has everything to do with living a human life! I. Am. Not. Human!"

At those words Kikyou's shinidamachuu appeared and cracks formed on the surface of Kikyou's skin as the souls animating her body began to leave her body. Crying out in pain, Kikyou was brought to her knees but managed to create a force field around her so Sesshoumaru couldn't touch her.

"Kikyou! What's happening? What's wrong with you!" Losing himself for the first time in a panic, Sesshoumaru tried to break her force field with his own demonic power only to have his powers turned against him. Unable to do more because of the presence of his children, Sesshoumaru could only watch Kikyou as she tried to heal herself.

"I…told…you…" Kikyou said. Each word was forced out of her mouth as she used all her power to heal. "I'm not human. I can't… I can't love anyone. I'm ephemeral…the dead do not belong with the living. The more I stay with you…the more I grow to love you…the more pain it causes me until I cease to exist. Humans love…the dead can only hate…or I should say all living creatures love and hate. Except me. I can't love you."

Finally the light of Kikyou's souls, her force field, and her shinidamachuu disappeared. Sesshoumaru sank to his knees besides Kikyou and took her into his arms, for once Kikyou didn't resist.

"How long?"

"How long has my body began to decay and the souls I have gathered resisted me? Since I first knew I was in love with you. Since this journey began and I fell in love with you."

"No. How long do you have to live?"

"Maybe until the end of the year. I don't know. It could be I only have a couple of days left to live."

Sesshoumaru stood up with Kikyou in his arms and walked toward the chair Mitsu had vacated. He settled Kikyou in it before kneeling down at her feet. It was the highest sign of reverence and love he could give her.

"Then give me what time you have left. Stay by my side. Let me put an end to everything and find a way to save you."

He was asking the impossible and putting Kikyou in a terrible situation. By asking her to stay with him he was giving her a death sentence. Every second she stayed besides him she was closer to dying and in endless pain. But even for Kikyou's sake he couldn't part with her.

No, Sesshoumaru didn't want this tale to end with her death but he also didn't want to let this story end as it had for his parents. He wouldn't subjugate Kikyou to the deeming status as a mistress and let her watch as the life she wanted taunted her and remained always out of reach as another woman was his wife and the mother to his children.

Nor would Sesshoumaru kill Mitsu. He didn't love the woman; in fact he hated her for hurting Kikyou by reminding her of the life she could never have and for adding Kagome to her schemes. But he didn't hate her enough to deprive his children of a mother or murder her like his father had murdered his wife and Sesshoumaru's mother to make room for his mistress.

"I will save you," Sesshoumaru promised to himself, to Kikyou, and to Rin and his newborn children. He would find a way ensure all of their happiness, or die trying.

"_Fall is the beginning of the end of everything. A symbol of old age and the coming of winter, but also of beginnings as everything comes to fruition. _

_What we have planted in the spring and grown in the summer becomes ripe in the fall. Only to die, only to live again, will what we have grow once again? _

_As in life, as in death, I will always love you."_

(Fall – Chapter Four – End)

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I'm not satisfied with the epilogue for this chapter/for this section of FS (Four Seasons). The last line sounds like Kikyou died, but I couldn't find any fall like stuff to say. I started the tradition of epilogues for the last chapter of each season with the ending for the last chapter of the Spring section and it just stuck. I also noticed that I started adding **""** since the Summer section. The epilogues are not Sesshoumaru's thoughts or words, or even Kikyou's, it's just a few lines that fit the theme of whichever season section they fall under. However, the first epilogue at the end of the Spring section are the words of Sesshoumaru's mother to her son, whether or not she's speaking beyond the grave is something I'll let you decide.

Since everyone will read this with different expectations, understanding of the text and plot, and etc. everyone's experience will be different but I enjoy hearing from fans so continue to review. Even constructive criticism is welcome.

Also I just noticed too things: 1.) I never gave Sesshoumaru's mother a name. 2.) I never gave Sesshoumaru's twin sons a name. I don't know if I'll ever give his mother a name, but I will try to give the twins a name next time.

Also, the sentence that is repeated in this chapter, "You will always be the first in my heart," is a little awkward so I will offer an explanation (which will last till/if I find a better sentence to express this). Sesshoumaru says this because Kikyou is the first woman that he fell in love with, thus the "first in my [his] heart." Kikyou says "And you in mine" because Sesshoumaru is not her first love, but her first serious lover or the man that she has given all of her heart to. Inuyasha may be Kikyou's first love, but he does not have her heart anymore and Kikyou and Sesshoumaru's relationship is now more meaningful to her (and Sesshoumaru) and important than her previous relationship with Inuyasha. So Sesshoumaru comes first in Kikyou's heart. Hope that clears up any confusion for fellow grammar fans like me or people that were puzzled by that sentence or found it odd. But of course it's odd; we all know that Sesshoumaru saying I love you is like making a stone bleed. Aw, fan fiction. Making the impossible possible. :)

Thank you for reading and I hope that the next time I update it will be in this year and not three years later. (Sorry x100). Thank you for continuing to read this story, long time fans and new readers, and I look forward to your reviews.

(1/14/11)


	14. Winter Chapter One

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the wait, years of waiting actually.

For the people that have followed this story for almost ten years and for those that never stopped sending me reviews, or private messages encouraging (or pushing me) to write thank you so much for your continued support, this one's for you.

* * *

Four Seasons, Chapter 14

Winter Chapter 1

Sesshoumaru watched as Kikyou took one shallow breath after another; her eyes clenched shut in both concentration and pain. A demon witch, Yuna, and former apprentice of Ursula—the witch who had crafted Kikyou's current body from her remains—stood over Kikyou and waved her hand back and forth over the cracks that spread across it. They almost resembled human veins if not for the pinkish, purple light emitting from them. At least the souls Kikyou held had stopped slipping past the cracks in her skin. Yuna was attempting to heal Kikyou's body, and had been at the task for hours now.

Tensaiga, for all its wondrous powers to revive the dead, couldn't help Kikyou. So Sesshoumaru had turned to Yuna. It hadn't been easy finding her, and if not for Kikyou he would have never ventured into the dank hole the witch resided in. Though a demon, and one who had done more than his fair share of evil deeds, and until Kikyou Sesshoumaru shrank away from necromancers and witches such as Ursula's prodigy. There's a difference between killing people and taking their souls, and the very thought of such actions disgusted him.

Or this should have disgusted Sesshoumaru. Since he had met Kikyou Sesshoumaru's definitions of disgusting behavior had changed. From loving humans to debasing himself to filth such as Yuna, Sesshoumaru would do anything to save Kikyou. He even went so far as pleading for Yuna's help to save Kikyou after twelve days of searching for the demon witch. Sesshoumaru would do anything for Kikyou if it meant keeping her alive.

And it wasn't Kikyou's fault that she was what she was. Witches like Ursula and Yuna _made_ Kikyou what she was, and Sesshoumaru both despised and praised their skills. Without Ursula he would have never met Kikyou, but seeing her in pain made Sesshoumaru wonder about the price of Kikyou's existence and what she must suffer everyday for her freedom.

Suddenly Sesshoumaru was pulled out of his thoughts as Kikyou gasped and went rigid, her body trembling with the effort of suppressing a scream.

"What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be curing her!" Sesshoumaru snapped at the witch.

"I am my lord," Yuna said over her shoulder, her face twisted by both the effort of concentrating on her complex spells and fear. If she couldn't heal Kikyou, Yuna was certain to face a grisly death at Sesshoumaru's hands.

"But I've never seen such a complex doll-er-_body_," Yuna said as she received a threatening glare from Sesshoumaru at the word "doll." Ursula had often saw her creations as dolls or puppets to be used at will but Yuna knew better than to express such views in front of Sesshoumaru as it would be hazardous to her health to every refer to Kikyou as such a thing. "To make a clay body hold a soul and then for it to have a will of its own and even produce an ability to contain other souls is something beyond me."

Sesshoumaru was losing his patience. "Didn't you study under Ursula? This shouldn't be _beyond you._"

Yuna flinched under Sesshoumaru's words, terrified for her life at the quiet vehemence behind them. "Yes, it's true, I was her student. But she was killed before she could pass on all her secrets to me. I can only make the lifeless dolls—I mean—_bodies_ you see around you." Yuna waved her hand to indicate her servants that littered the cave, their eyes as glassy and vacant as the dolls Yuna called them. Sesshoumaru had avoided looking at the things, trying not to think of Kikyou as one of them. The thought that Kikyou, at one time, was as lifeless as these pitiful creatures was almost as horrifying as the thought of a life without her.

"I'm sorry, but the most I can do now is mend her flesh and put up a seal inside her to prevent, temporarily, anymore trapped souls leaking out. But it's not her body that's the problem. This body is perfect, Mistress Ursula's final and ultimate creation, but the governing soul is fighting against the flesh," Yuna said, touching Kikyou's body with a reverence usually saved for holy objects.

Sesshoumaru was tempted to cut off Yuna's hand as it drifted from Kikyou's face to her chest where the worse damage lay. Though despite his irritation, the light in Kikyou's body dimmed and her moans died away at Yuna's touch. He'd never felt this helpless before, or this enraged at being unable to help a person besides himself.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the cracks in Kikyou's body disappeared and Kikyou drifted back into unconsciousness. Yuna knelt and picked up Kikyou's discarded garments and began folding them, turning her back on both Sesshoumaru and Kikyou to give them some privacy, or maybe she was hoping to keep the garments as tokens to worship her master's creation from afar. Whatever her reasons were Sesshoumaru didn't care. He gently wrapped Kikyou up in his own coat and furs before placing her in his arms and heading for the exit of the cave.

Sesshoumaru pressed Kikyou against his chest tightly as he exited the cave and tried not to think of Yuna's hands on Kikyou or the glassy eyes of the numberous dolls behind them. Kikyou wasn't like them, she had a soul, not a complete soul but a soul, and free will.. Yet it was hard to ignore the fact that Kikyou wasn't alive when all the evidence was staring him in the face.

Here in this cave was everything they had tried to hide from each other laid bare: Kikyou's condition, her origins, and her fragile existance. Neither dead nor alive, alive but not living, every contradition that made up Kikyou stared Sesshoumaru in the face and almost forced the demon to look away at the horror behind the beauty.

"Don't forget, this is only a temporary solution. If I could be permitted to keep her for a few days, my lord, I might be able to learn more…" Yuna suggested before Sesshoumaru and Kikyou could leave.

"No," Sesshoumaru answer came immediately, he didn't even need to think about it. He didn't trust Yuna. For all the witch's power to heal Kikyou she was still a demon, and Ursula's successor. What was to keep her from trying to use Kikyou to get the jewel shards, or worse? It wasn't just Sesshoumaru that would benefit from knowledge of Kikyou's body and her abilities.

Undaunted even by Sesshoumaru's cold reply, Yuna simply wished them a good evening and reminded Sesshoumaru to "see me again if you have need of my services."

Sesshoumaru didn't ask for Kikyou's clothes back. Even though it was silly, or even childish of him, the moment Yuna's hands had touched Kikyou's familiar white and red robes a sudden image of black ink spreading through water entered his mind. It spread slowly through her clothes, almost elegantly like the fins of a fish; spreading sinuously through what had been clear white and bright red and tainting it, blending into it, turning it into a pure black until you couldn't tell the difference between the cloth and the stain anymore because there was no longer any difference.

* * *

Lanterns were already lit when Sesshoumaru came back. He used the servants' entrance for the first time in his life because he had need of the privacy that it afforded. Sesshoumaru's kingdom was currently undergoing the traditional fourteen day celebration for the birth of his sons, which would end on the fifteenth day when Sesshoumaru officially announce the names for his two week old children in front of the kingdom.

He had two days left.

And yet, in that amount of time, he hadn't accomplished anything. Both Kikyou and his new "family" were waiting for him to save them, but Sesshoumaru had the feeling that playing the hero or being a father aret rolls he's ill suited for. So incapable of finding a way to live with the façade of husband and father that Mitsu and the kingdom placed on him he ran to Kikyou's aid.

Sesshoumaru wasn't a coward, far from it, but the burden of balancing duty and honor toward his country and his race and the life he wanted wasn't as easy as it had been when he had been a free man. Cutting his hair and changing his clothes wouldn't help Sesshoumaru now. He knew that, just like he knew that it would be impossible juggle both Kikyou and his responsibilities as a king his whole life. But Sesshoumaru would be damned if he didn't try. It wasn't in his nature to give up on something he wanted just because it is unattainable or impossible.

Yet old habits died hard, and it was impossible for Sesshoumaru to ignore his duties forever. Sesshoumaru's inability to help Kikyou made him long for his old life. And in moments like this—sitting on the floor, in the dark, with his back pressed against the door and Kikyou cradled in his arms (both his own, and a borrowed one from some anonymous demon)—Sesshoumaru longed for his first child, Rin, to cheer him up with flowers. But Rin was asleep, and Jaken was off trying to find more information about Ursula and Yuna, and the only children he could turn to made him feel worse. They stared at him, cried at him, demanding an attention and love Sesshoumaru couldn't give them. In fact, he was starting to wonder if he'd ever feel anything but shame and guilt at the thought that he had bought his children into the world but couldn't afford to love them.

"I wanted children too," Kikyou had said before she broke down, physically and mentally. Had Sesshoumaru ever wanted children or anything other than to inherit everything his father had left behind? Sesshoumaru hated his father, and he had no good memories of being a child, but until Rin came into Sesshoumaru's life he had no memories of every talking to a child much less caring for one. And now the only woman that he loved, and the woman Rin loved, was practically comatose because of him.

Kikyou would have cheered him up with a joke, something in her usual aggravating blend of humor and realism. She would have encouraged him to bond with his children and try to help him take care of them; despite Mitsu or what everyone else thought and despite how much it hurt her to know the boys weren't hers. But Kikyou couldn't even move her arm without pain, and she had long since stopped speaking to anyone. Sesshoumaru didn't know if she refused to talk to him or if it was impossible for her to communicate with him now that her body was so weak.

From far down the hall Sesshoumaru's sensitive ears picked up the sounds of footsteps and the sound of someone breathing as his nose picked up the scent of Kagome—similar yet distinctively different form Kikyou—before he even saw her. Kagome hadn't surprised him at all; at least not since her arrive.

Whatever had happened to Kagome had changed her completely from the bubbly and outspoken girl that had followed Inuyasha to a solemn and sly woman. Her manner now almost reminded him of Kikyou's toward an enemy—cold and dangerous.

Kagome stepped out of the shadows and stood in front of him dressed in the colors of Mitsu's clan. The unseasonal gold and green colored kimono with its leaf and flower details at the hem she wore glowed in the torch light. She glanced briefly at Sesshoumaru's face before her gaze rested upon Kikyou's body. She let her eyes linger on the features of her incarnation as she spoke to Sesshoumaru. "Do you need some help, _my lord_," Kagome said. Her tone was almost, yet not quite, taunting.

"Aren't you the picture of a perfect servant," Sesshoumaru said, not bothering to hide the scorn in his voice.

"And you're the picture of the perfect father right now, holding your mistress in your arms before you've held your newborn sons," Kagome said with a smile and a mocking bow.

If Sesshoumaru hadn't been holding Kikyou he would have lopped off Kagome's head, Mitsu's servant or not.

Instead he just flashed Kagome a predatory smile, making sure to show off all his sharp canines as he did it, and stood up. He brushed past Kagome, making sure that neither himself nor Kikyou touched Kagome, and left the room. Sesshoumaru could feel Kagome's eyes following his every move intensely, almost as if she wanted to drill holes into his back.

But whether or not Kagome's interest in him and Kikyou was from curiosity or hatred was hard to tell. Sesshoumaru didn't have time to deal with Kagome, but once Kikyou was healed he promised himself he'd get rid of her. The image of separating Kagome's head from her shoulders almost made him smile.

* * *

Sesshoumaru laid Kikyou besides Rin. The young girl had gotten lonely during the night and went to Kikyou's futon, and Sesshoumaru didn't have the heart to move her.

Side by side Kikyou and Rin looked like mother and daughter even though they didn't physically resemble each other. Sesshoumaru stood up and headed toward Kikyou's bags, looking for something for her to wear instead of his fur. While rummaging through her bags he found one of the boxes of candy Mitsu had sent them after his wedding.

The box was empty, but inside of it Kikyou had placed a few dried herbs and a growing collection of river rocks and shells. For a woman that stated her life was transient in this world and who, before they had met, carried nothing on her but her robes and a bow slowly but surely she was starting to place down roots. This collection meant she was expressing herself. If she was really as dead as she claimed then why was Kikyou holding on to anything, be it this pile of knickknacks or Sesshoumaru's heart?

Sesshoumaru rummaged through the collection, going through the piles of leaves, shells, stray pieces of cloth and even, leaves and pins until he reached the bottom. On the bottom of the box, almost hidden behind and crumpled by the rest of the items, was a note.

"Take this with you when I depart," were the cryptic words left in Kikyou's neat handwriting. The were so small, and the paper they were written on was so small—more of a scrap from something else really—that Sesshoumaru almost overlooked it.

Maybe this was a sign Kikyou wanted to leave something behind when she's gone in the hopes someone, anyone, would remember her. But if so what was she trying to leave behind? A box of scraps, objects without meaning and with no real value except to the person they belonged to. The thought that this was all Kikyou had to her name, a box of broken pieces picked up on the road, was more devestating than the note itself.

Broken, disjointed, belonging nowhere and with no real value or worth—inanimate objects collected by someone's whim and as easily discarded, one could almost say this box was Kikyou.

"Don't…do something like this. Don't disappear…If it was going to be like this we should've never met. You should've never decided to stay with me if it was going to end like this."

Crying was beyond him, Sesshoumaru couldn't do it even if he tried. So instead he crushed the box and its contents in his fist. He was suddenly so angry at himself, at his life, but most of all at Kikyou for giving up and leaving him. From the beginning Kikyou had told him she would always be by his side, and that she loved him. And while Kikyou may be willing to give up and let nature take its course, let herself die and become a part of Kagome, Sesshoumaru refused to just give up without a fight.

If that meant killing everyone and everything that got in his way then so be it.

"If you wanted to die, you shouldn't have made me fall in love with you," Sesshoumaru said. He stood up and draped a blanket over both Kikyou and Rin, his gaze lingering on the new cracks on Kikyou's body. Despite Yuna's efforts, they had reappeared and started to creep up her neck, winding their way up one side of her face and stopping at her temples to mar Kikyou's fragile beauty.

Yes, he'd kill anyone; do anything, to keep her even if she lived the rest of her life in agony at his side as his mistress. As long as Kikyou is alive it didn't matter to Sesshoumaru what she became, or even if she resented him forever for saving her life. He'd overcome it, no they'd overcome it together. As long as she was alive they could endure the pain together.

Sesshoumaru had to believe that the contradiction that was killing her, pledging her soul to hate but carrying her love for him, could be overcome. And if Yuna couldn't do it then he knew someone who could.

Naraku.

(5/10/13 — Winter – Chapter One – End)

* * *

**Author's Notes:** God, when I look over this series I see it's taken me almost a decade to finish this fan fiction. Next year, on September 14th, will be the 10 year anniversary of Four Seasons. Wouldn't it be awesome to finish this in time for the anniversary? I can't make any promises though.

I've had writer's block, major personal problems in my life from crises to school and work, and even my own indolence that has kept me from finishing this series. And for that I'm sorry. I can't promise you guys anything (and you wouldn't trust me anyway after all this time) but I'll try to finish this series and give it the ending it deserves.

Thank you, all the long time fans for sticking with me and never giving up hope that I'd continue writing someday. And thank you any new readers for giving me a chance. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I promise (and I pray) it won't be three years till you hear from me again.


	15. Winter Chapter Two

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the wait, years of waiting actually. For those that have been wondering about another hiatus or when the next chapter will come expect one new chapter once every two to three months. With my schedule I can't write more than once or twice a month, sorry about that.

For the people that have followed this story for almost ten years and for those that never stopped sending me reviews, or private messages encouraging (or pushing me) to write, thank you so much for your continued support.

* * *

Four Seasons, Chapter 15

Winter Chapter 2

Sesshoumaru found it surprisingly easy to find Naraku, easier than it had been finding Yuna even. But then again, knowing Naraku the half-demon allowed Sesshoumaru to find him. The bastard would never have been so easy to find if this wasn't the case.

Sesshoumaru reached the top of the abandoned temple's steps and looked around before passing the gate. How like Naraku to nest among ruin, or more accurately the destruction he caused. The temple, once a place of peace and beauty, was littered with the corpses of the shrine's attendants, caretakers, and worshipers. It appeared, at first glance that a battle had taken place and everyone had been killed by an invading army, but the more Sesshoumaru observed his surroundings the more he could see Naraku's influence. No weapon killed these people other than their bare hands. Each person had brutally fought with his neighbor and even went so far as to strangle, bite, and gouge out eyes for some reason. Or for something—each body Sesshoumaru passed had a look of madness and glee and even the bodies beaten beyond recognition died with their arms outstretched and grasping for something.

Sesshoumaru followed Kohaku to the main structure and turned to address Kohaku, who had been leading him since Sesshoumaru had left his territory. A brazen act by Naraku but one Sesshoumaru in his desperation accepted. After all, he was the one who had vowed to seek out Naraku for Kikyou's sake.

"Is your master inside here?"

Kohaku nodded once and leapt back into the trees. Sesshoumaru pushed aside the corpses in his way and entered the temple.

Inside the building the light was dim despite the sunlight that crept in from the few doors that weren't boarded up. Even Sesshoumaru's eyes had a hard time adjusting to the darkness because of the purple haze Naraku's poisonous miasma created. To add to this eerie atmosphere, Sesshoumaru's nose was assaulted by the smell of rotting flesh as if he had stepped into a butcher shop in the midst of summer and not a temple in winter. It was even worse inside than it had been outside. At least outside there had been fresh air and sunlight instead of this putrid hell. Despite himself, Sesshoumaru found his eyes watering.

"Lord Naraku welcomes you," said a voice from the shadows behind Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru whipped around and had Tokijin half way out of its sheath before Kanna raised her mirror. The mirror was covered by a cloth but the threat was still clear as day. Kanna, despite her size, has the advantage of not only her mirror but being undetectable, and she had already proven that in this environment, where Sesshoumaru could barely see what was around him, Kanna could win in a fight easily even against a powerful demon such as himself.

Sesshoumaru sheathed his sword and Kanna lowered her mirror. For an uneasy moment the two stood staring at each other until Kanna broke eye contact and brushed past Sesshoumaru, saying over her shoulder "This way" before she disappeared and left Sesshoumaru to follow the sound of her footsteps.

The building was larger than it had appeared outside and even though they were traveling in a straight line for all Sesshoumaru knew he could be going in circles. The air quality and the poor lighting didn't improve as the minutes ticked by. Just when Sesshoumaru had had enough Kanna's footsteps stopped and Sesshoumaru found himself in front of the ruined entrance to the main hall where the temple's objects of worship are kept. Or were kept, Sesshoumaru thought as he remembered the dead worshipers around him. All of them had died trying to reach this building, or rather this room.

Before Sesshoumaru could enter a familiar woman blocked his path.

Even in the dim light, Sesshoumaru could see Kagura's eyes and make out the outline of her body. Kagura's eyes glittered like jewels with the force of her emotions. Anger and betrayal was clear in those ruby depths, but also anxiety and, most mysterious of all, longing. If Sesshoumaru had never met and fell in love with Kikyou he wouldn't have even recognized Kagura's feelings toward him as "love."

"So you've come, but not to fight I see," Kagura said, the edge of her fan pointing to Sesshoumaru's sheathed sword. "What happened to wanting to kill Naraku?"

"That was always Inuyasha's goal, not mine," Sesshoumaru said.

"Bullshit! Have you forgotten what he did? How he manipulated you and Rin?" Kagura shouted, invading Sesshoumaru's personal space as she glared up at him with her fan clenched in her fist.

Sesshoumaru didn't move away or flinch when Kagura spat these words at him. He returned her glare with a cool stare of his own. "I haven't forgotten. Don't mistake my actions for foolishness, or think I'd forget or forgive my enemies. Stand aside."

Kagura's fingers unclenched and some of the fire went out of her at his words.

Sesshoumaru began to move past Kagura, but she reached out and took hold of his arm.

Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder at Kagura. She hid her face from him but couldn't hide the glimmer of unshed tears in her eyes.

"You were my last hope. Did you know that?"

Sesshoumaru didn't reply, but he also didn't brush off her touch either.

"If I had the courage," Kagura continued, "or the power to leave Naraku and had joined with you first, before _her_, would you be standing here now? For me?"

Sesshoumaru looked down at Kagura's hand. Kagura, though Naraku's incarnation, had aided both him and Inuyasha against Naraku many times in the past. And while Sesshoumaru felt for her plight, for her desire for freedom and her desire to see Naraku dead, whatever feelings he had for Kagura had long since cooled. In another life, in a life where Kikyou hadn't offered to join his group, maybe Sesshoumaru could have come to love and care for Kagura as deeply as she seemed to care for him. But in this life…

Sesshoumaru gently removed Kagura's hand and took hold of the door handle to the inner sanctum. As he opened the door, Sesshoumaru could clearly hear the soft thud as Kagura sank to her knees. With one gesture Sesshoumaru had dashed her hopes and destroyed her dreams of freedom and of a possible life with him.

There was a chance that doing this would turn Kagura into an enemy, and for one second Sesshoumaru considered the possibility that he may have to kill Kagura in the future. He was sacrificing an ally, maybe something even more, but there was no going back and no amount of words could change Sesshoumaru's feelings, or Kagura's feelings for him.

Without another word Sesshoumaru crossed the threshold into the inner sanctum.

There was nothing left of the sanctity and holiness that this room once had. Every representation of the gods and every holy scroll were broken and lay shattered or ripped to shreds. Parts of the roof had caved in and snow was starting to fall and pile up in small dunes. The image of the freshly fallen snow and the rotting remains of human and spiritual wealth clashed with each other creating a disturbing dichotomy.

In the midst of all this sat Naraku. Seated high on top of the few remaining treasures the temple had Naraku looked like a tyrant ruler surveying his newly acquired kingdom. Piled up under the evil half-demon and serving as his throne were fine fabrics, furs, monetary donations, and even food left at the temple as well as the personal belongings of its now deceased inhabitants who were piled on the floor at Naraku's feet as if they were steps to his throne. At his side stood Kanna, her face as blank as always while Naraku, upon seeing Sesshoumaru, smirked at him.

"How nice of you to join us. I'd offer you a drink, but I think," said Naraku while gesturing to the sake cup in his hand and the empty bottles at his feet, "that this is the last one. I drank the rest while waiting for you. I thought these monks would keep me entertained but I guess I should have known better. Humans are so fragile after all."

Naraku stepped down from his makeshift throne, crushing the skull of one of the aforementioned monks under his boot heel. The half-demon stretched lazily, popping the muscles in his neck and back while stretching his arms as if he had just woken up.

Sesshoumaru watched Naraku carefully, his hand on his sword. Naraku, even while appearing relaxed, is a master of deception. And, of course, besides Inuyasha's group he held the most Shikon no Tama fragments.

Normally the shards were hidden on him, but as if Naraku were testing him the chunk of the jewel he owned was in plain sight on Naraku's body on a thick gold chain around his neck, and the baboon cloak he normally wore was were draped over his "throne" acting as a cushion.

Naraku raked a hand through his hair and finished drinking the last of the sake as he approached Sesshoumaru. Nothing in his manner suggested an incoming attack or a cleverly concealed trap lying in wait. If they were all in an inn somewhere, without the bodies, crushed religious objects, or the stolen wealth around them, to the casual observer Sesshoumaru and Naraku would appear to be friends meeting in the midst of a journey. That is, of course, if the casual observer ignored Sesshoumaru's tense face and hand clenched on the hilt of his sword.

"Naraku…" Sesshoumaru growled. Now that the man was before him Sesshoumaru had a hard time focusing on the goal in sight. Every fiber of Sesshoumaru's body ached with the need to shed blood, and only the thought of Kikyou's lifeless face kept Sesshoumaru in check.

"I can see," Naraku said as he looked Sesshoumaru up and down, "that you've changed since we last met. I hear you're a father now, congratulations. You must be so proud."

"Cut the crap," Sesshoumaru retorted. "I haven't come here to shoot the breeze with you."

"Now you sound just like Inuyasha," Naraku said with a false and exaggerated expression of dejection on his face as he shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I guess blood will tell. No wonder you both love the same woman."

It took all Sesshoumaru had not to let himself be goaded into a fight. "And what woman would that be? I seem to remember Inuyasha having a fondness for humans, a taste I don't share."

Naraku laughed, and his malicious crackles echoing off the walls of the chamber.

"Come now! I think we both know what woman we're talking about. But I agree, Kikyou's hardly human these days," Naraku said with sadistic glee.

Sesshoumaru was taken aback by this revelation but stayed silent, trying not to let his emotions show on his face. It's not like they had tried to hide their relationship, but it wasn't in plain view or common knowledge either. Or at least that's what Sesshoumaru had believed until now. A few court attendants whispered suspicions and Mitsu's knowledge and disapproval was a given considering his relationship with her and the court, but Sesshoumaru hadn't counted on anyone besides Mitsu, Kagome, and thus Inuyasha and his group, suspecting anything. And, as far as Sesshoumaru knew none of these people had any reason to tell Naraku or cause to cross Naraku's path. Naraku's words made Sesshoumaru wonder if perhaps he had underestimated how far Naraku's influence had spread.

"I'll take your silence as a yes then," Naraku said. "I knew Kikyou to have an _unusual_ taste in men but to be honest I never thought it'd be you. Maybe you covet more than your little brother's sword?"

"Naraku, as I've said before I haven't come here to listen to your taunts. I'd love nothing more than your severed head, but I'll settle for a truce," Sesshoumaru said, almost chocking over the words "truce."

It was Naraku's turn to look shocked. Sesshoumaru stared him down, refusing to look away as the demon before him considered Sesshoumaru's words.

Finally Naraku spoke, "Why should I desire a truce with you? You're not even in the game. You want revenge for me threatening that little girl with you…Rin I believe her name is. I so miss the last time we met."

The image of Rin came to Sesshoumaru's mind at the mention of her name. His next words could threaten Rin's life if Sesshoumaru failed. Not only Rin's life, but his own life as well as the life of his children. If he died who would protect them? Was Kikyou really worth it?

But it was too late to turn back now. And even as Sesshoumaru questioned his devotion to Kikyou he knew that the future he wanted was worth it. After everything was said and done and this "game," as Naraku called it, was over the world would change. No matter what happened to the Shikon no Tama, he couldn't live in a world without her. No matter who had the Shikon no Tama or what happened to the world Sesshoumaru wanted all of his family to be safe—and Kikyou was part of his family now.

"Or do you desire my power?" Naraku broke through Sesshoumaru's thoughts with his insidious and grating words. "No, the only power you desire is Inu no Tashio's swords. You don't even want the jewel shards. So what do you really want with me? Or should I say what does _Lady Kikyou_ want with me?"

"To save her," Sesshoumaru finally said, each word forced out of his mouth between clenched teeth.

In response to his words Naraku broke out into fits of maniacal laughter. "Save her? _Save her!?" _Naraku bellowed. More laughter followed Naraku's words. Sesshoumaru stood watching him, wondering if he had made the right choice after all as he watched Naraku mock his sincere plea.

Naraku suddenly turned back toward his throne and waved toward Kanna. The white haired girl jumped down from the throne as Naraku collapsed into it, holding his stomach and trying to control himself.

"I…ha…ha…of all the things I thought you'd say "save Kikyou" wasn't one of them," Naraku finally managed to say. "This day is just full of surprises."

"Will help me or not?"

"You do know that I would like nothing more than to rip Kikyou's soul out of that alluring clay body of hers. "

Sesshoumaru's eye's flash red in warning. Naraku's smirk grew into a leer.

"Don't threaten me Sesshoumaru. You don't frighten me. A three-legged dog can't put up much of a fight."

"Naraku," Sesshoumaru said his voice colder than ice. "I've come here to talk, not to fight. But you're making it hard to remember _not_ to kill you. Threaten Kikyou or Rin again at your peril."

"You mean at _your_ peril. I'm the one with the most power here, and I have something _you_ want. And as much as I'd love to play with you all day, I have other places to be. How about this, you tell me where Kikyou is and I'll help her myself?"

"Are you taking me for a fool?"

"You tell me. The only fool in this room is you if you believe I'd help my mortal enemy heal herself. I have neither the power nor the desire to help the priestess."

"You have that power; you and your incarnations are living proof."

Naraku raised his eyebrow at this but said nothing. For once the king of lies was silent.

Sesshoumaru stepped toward Naraku's throne, forcing himself to look up at Naraku and keep his hand off his sword as he, for once in his very long life, begged another for assistance.

Naraku is dangerous and unpredictable and Sesshoumaru felt a trap closing in, but there was more at stake than his life. This was a risk he had to take.

"You crafted your body from demons, and you have the power to create demons. Kikyou told me you once wanted to corrupt her and the jewel. I'm offering a chance to succeed and turn one of your greatest enemies into an ally."

"Only one of my greatest enemies?" Naraku said with a wide smirk on his face as he leaned down to get a better look at Sesshoumaru. "What about you? What price are you willing to pay?"

Sesshoumaru thought about the summer they had all shared at the beach, about Rin and Kikyou and even Jaken as they spent those carefree summer days and nights. His thoughts turned father back to the spring, to the first time he had kissed Kikyou and his wedding night when both he and Kikyou had vowed to stay together. Rin had been so happy she had danced around the room. Since Kikyou had appeared all their lives had changed, not just Sesshoumaru's.

Sesshoumaru dropped his gaze, turning away from Naraku's scrutiny despite all his effort resist showing emotion, "Anything."

"That's not good enough, I want everything."

Before Sesshoumaru could stop him, Naraku reached out and took hold of Sesshoumaru's chin and forced him to look into his eyes. Sesshoumaru instantly reacted by raising his hand to strike Naraku but found himself unable to as Kanna's mirror caught his reflection.

"Kikyou as an ally would be a boon to me. Her powers of purification are a threat to my body and her presence is, troublesome," Naraku said as he continued to stare into Sesshoumaru shocked golden eyes. Sesshoumaru couldn't even blink.

"However," Naraku continued. "There is one thing which Kikyou can't give me that you have. Pure demonic power."

Naraku stepped down from his throne without releasing his firm hold on Sesshoumaru. He reached the bottom steps and his hand left Sesshoumaru's face to trail down from his jaw to his throat until his fingers finally rested on Sesshoumaru's chest where Naraku then drummed his fingers over Sesshoumaru's heart.

"Kikyou, even in her undead state, has enough power to purify jewel shards as well as see them, vanquish demons, create barriers, and—most important of all—she is the only one who can match Kagome's power. Not to mention Kikyou is the only one who has even come close to killing Inuyasha. But you knew all this; true love didn't have anything to do with your decision to make Kikyou yours."

"Or," Naraku said, his malicious smile back in place as he once more let his gaze settle on Sesshoumaru's bewildered face. "Are you telling yourself even now that what I'm saying is all lies? A tiger can't change its stripes. I was wrong; you're not like Inuyasha at all. You're more like me."

"You're…wrong…" Sesshoumaru managed to choke out. Somehow, despite Kanna's mirror, Sesshoumaru retained some of his will.

Naraku stepped back and turned to Kanna. The girl shook her head and stepped closer to Sesshoumaru and Naraku. "His soul is resisting, but it's not powerful enough to do anything more than talk. He's immobile."

"The proud ruler's just struggling against his bonds then. Let us remind him of his place," Naraku said before viciously grabbing Sesshoumaru by the hair and forcing him to his knees.

"Now, what was I saying?" Naraku said to himself as he pulled Sesshoumaru's head back until he once more glared up at him. "You and I are alike. Don't deny it. We were born with a hunger inside of us to taint, to destroy. We crawled our ways out of death's grasp, our very lives shaped by the people we loved hurting us in the cruelest way imaginable, yet hating and loving them to the point of madness. We were made this way, we'll die this way."

Naraku swept his free hand toward Kanna's mirror. The surface of the mirror rippled and changed till it no longer reflected Sesshoumaru but his mother.

"_It can't be…" _Sesshoumaru thought as he helplessly watched once again as his mother died before him.

"Kanna's mirror can do more than just trap souls. It can reflect them, a soul's desires…or its memories. This was the defining moment for you, or wasn't it?"

Inside the mirror stood Sesshoumaru's mother in the midst of a forest clearing. It was night and it was raining. Flashes of lightening lit up her expressionless face. She was saying something to someone beyond the view of the mirror but thunder drowned out her words. The image in the mirror shifted showing, impossibly, something contrary to Sesshoumaru's memory.

A very young Sesshoumaru stood in front of his mother. The front of his robes was caked with mud and leaves from crawling under a fallen tree to reach her. Sesshoumaru watched as his younger self started to run toward his mother before stopping abruptly, his face a mask of confusion and, impossibly, fear.

"No, not this," Sesshoumaru said before he could stop himself. He didn't even know he what he was saying or why, but seeing these images Sesshoumaru was instinctively frightened even though he knew everything he was seeing was an illusion. The location and setting were familiar to him, but this wasn't the way his mother's death had happened. His father was the first one to reach his mother, not him.

Naraku watched Sesshoumaru's face closely, taking more pleasure from the panic in it than in the memory shown in Kanna's mirror.

Regardless of both of them, Kanna's mirror continued to display its gruesome illusion. Sesshoumaru's mother came toward him until she towered over her. She smiled at her son. It was a smile so sweet and tender and so full of motherly love that the younger Sesshoumaru couldn't help but smile as well.

"…Stop…it…"

In the mirror, Sesshoumaru's mother produced a knife from her robes. It was long and slender, more of a needle than a dagger and instantly Sesshoumaru recognized it as the memento he kept of her. Slowly she walked toward Sesshoumaru until she towered over him. Her other hand caressed Sesshoumaru's face gently before drifting down to his neck in an almost perfect imitation of Naraku's actions earlier. Both hands tightened their grip around the objects in their hands: the knife and Sesshoumaru's throat.

"I said stop it!" Sesshoumaru screamed before the memory could finish playing out. Whether in response to his scream or something else, suddenly something sliced into Kanna's hand and she dropped her mirror. The mirror fell to the floor with a loud crack, a feather piercing it.

"What, that's not possible!" Kanna yelled as the surface of her mirror cracked before her.

With no time to even process what he had seen, Sesshoumaru took this small opening and drew his sword. He'd have time later to deal with the damage Naraku and his damn incarnation had inflicted, but now he had to push aside everything but his warrior instincts to survive.

Sesshoumaru would have cleaved Kanna in two if Kohaku hadn't dropped down from the ceiling and drew his weapon as well. Sesshoumaru jumped to the side to avoid Kohaku's attack.

"It seems you're more resilient than I thought, but you're at a disadvantage," Naraku chuckled as he watched Sesshoumaru hop from one place to the next to avoid Kohaku's attacks.

"You're the one at a disadvantage," Sesshoumaru said as he twisted his body in midair to avoid Kohaku's boomerang. Kohaku's weapon sailed through the air and sliced through Naraku's makeshift throne instead, sending furs, miscellaneous objects, and human remains flying like shrapnel. Sesshoumaru landed on his feet after dodging and slicing through the remains of the throne that flew his well. Yet Sesshoumaru almost didn't have enough time to take another breath before Kohaku charged him with a drawn sword.

Sesshoumaru dodged Kohaku's attack, but this bought him within the range of Kanna's mirror. The soul manipulator had managed to pick up her mirror and entered the fight while Sesshoumaru was busy avoiding Kohaku's attacks. As Kanna raised the polish, but now cracked, surface Sesshoumaru released his whip. The end of his whip deftly cut through the wooden beams holding up the roof above Kanna, yet remarkably none of the debris hit Kanna but instead surrounded Naraku's incarnation and prevented her from catching Sesshoumaru's reflection once more. With Kanna's attacks dealt with, Sesshoumaru focused his energy on disarming Kohaku.

Once again, Kohaku swung his sword at Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru spun his body to avoid the attack instead of leaping away this time, hitting Kohaku with the blunt side of his sword instead of the blade. Their swords clashed, and it was clear the difference in strength even with Kohaku's jewel shard.

Kohaku's sword spun out of his hands, embedding itself in the floorboards at Naraku's feet. But even with the loss of his sword Kohaku was still deadly, and as if to prove this point the boy ran at Sesshoumaru while drawing his massive boomerang once again from his back. However, instead of throwing it Kohaku used it in the same way he had his sword: to hack at Sesshoumaru.

"Keh," Sesshoumaru grunted as he sidestepped the blunt instrument. A second too late and his face would have been cleaved in half instead of the floor. Though a mere adolescent boy barely entering his teens, Kohaku was born and raised a demon slayer. And in Naraku's hands he was as deadly as an adult or the demons he slayed.

Each swing of Kohaku's gigantic boomerang forced Sesshoumaru to back up, and the jewel shard embedded in Kohaku's back didn't help matters. Or more accurately, Sesshoumaru thought between blows, the jewel _shards _embedded in Kohaku. The boy had more power than normal, and was growing more powerful by the second as the fight dragged on. The cause could only be Naraku adding more pieces of the Shikon no Tama to Kohaku's body. The extra shard made it so that Kohaku never tired. And to make matters worse Naraku had added four other shards to Kohaku's legs and arms so the speed and strength with which he swung the boomerang was increased as well.

Naraku had laid traps after all. Sesshoumaru hadn't counted on Kohaku, the human who had led him to Naraku, as being the most dangerous person to face. Whoever coined "don't kill the messenger" had never been in Sesshoumaru's shoes.

"Dammit," Sesshoumaru cursed to himself as he was driven into a corner. Kohaku brought his boomerang down with the force of a hammer, and it took Sesshoumaru everything he had to hold back and use his sword as a shield. But with one arm it was impossible to hold Tokijin up as a shield for long.

Sesshoumaru soon sank to one knee as he tried to keep Kohaku's weapon from cleaving his head in two.

"It looks like you could use a hand Sesshoumaru," Naraku taunted as he watched the battle between his human slave and the Lord of the West. "Should I lend you one? Or maybe you'd like to take the opportunity to surrender?"

"Go to hell!" Sesshoumaru roared in defiance.

"I've already been there. It's a pity, but as much as I desire your power but in the state you're simply no use to me…alive that is. Kohaku, finish him."

At Naraku's suggestion Kohaku put his whole weight and strength into the boomerang. Sesshoumaru felt the floorboards beneath him creak and give way under the pressure.

"You…bastard…" Sesshoumaru growled. If he had his other arm the fight would have already been over with. With two arms instead of one it would have been easy to stab Kohaku through the chest even in this position, or the strength of two arms would have made it easier to deflect Kohaku's attacks from the beginning.

There were only three options left. He could continue to resist and die slowly, let go of his sword and die on his own terms quickly, or try a transformation. But this last option wasn't one Sesshoumaru wanted to use unless it was absolutely necessary, and the concentration it would require made it as impossible as surrender under these circumstances.

But just when Sesshoumaru almost gave up hope he heard rather than felt the floor beneath him gave way beneath him, and at the same time there was an explosion to his left from where Kanna was imprisoned.

Sesshoumaru's grip on his sword relaxed in response as the surprise of the sudden drop and the explosion diverted Sesshoumaru's attention, but Kohaku, oblivious to all but the commands given to him by Naraku, used this opportunity to drive home his attack. Sesshoumaru was about to be crushed.

Sesshoumaru did the only thing he could in the situation—he tried to deflect the damage to the least vital area. With seconds between Kohaku's boomerang and impact Sesshoumaru moved his head mid-fall so that his torso would take the damage instead. The boomerang cruelly and effortlessly cut into Sesshoumaru's right shoulder, leaving his remaining arm useless.

However, Sesshoumaru's heart wasn't severed, and neither was his body completely cut in two. Furthermore, the space under the floorboards was deeper than Naraku had imagined and it concealed, of all things, a well. Sesshoumaru's body fell into its dark, deep depths before Kohaku could cause a mortal injury.

But Kohaku didn't escape the fight unscathed. The flying debris from the explosion had hit him as well, rendering the boy temporarily unconscious and also aiding in Sesshoumaru's escape.

"Is he dead?" Naraku asked as he looked down into the hole that Kohaku had revealed. Naraku hadn't expected it to be so easy to defeat Sesshoumaru. It was almost as if he had tried not to kill his minions, and thus his defeat had been certain.

Naraku couldn't care less who won or who died as long as he won. He could always create more incarnations or find new human slaves if the need arose. He didn't even give Kohaku a second glance as he left the hole and turned to more pressing matters.

"No matter, Kanna send the others to go after Sesshoumaru. If he's dead, order them to bring me back his body. If he's alive kill him. Like his father, his body can prove a useful weapon in the right hands. Go."

Kanna bowed once and left at Naraku's orders. Kohaku was left where he lay.

"It seems I asked the wrong person to the fight," Naraku said as he turned toward the direction of the explosion that had blown away Sesshoumaru's focus. The cause of the explosion was Kanna escaping from the blockade Sesshoumaru had created.

However, Kanna hadn't freed herself from Sesshoumaru's makeshift prison. It was Kagura.

"I should have called for you instead, Kagura," Naraku said, all pretense of nonchalance gone as he glared at his oldest incarnation.

Kagura emerged from the dust and still raining debris with her held out fan out in front of her. She stood well away from Naraku, but from the tension in the room and Kagura's apprehensive expression she might as well have been standing right in front of Naraku. No amount of defiance could suppress Kagura's fear as the silence in the room dragged on.

Even though Sesshoumaru had refused her, coldly refused not only her help but aid her in escaping Naraku's clutches, Kagura had still rescued him. And now she'd pay the price for it, unless she could convince Naraku otherwise.

Naraku reached within the depths of his robe for Kagura's heart and Kagura instantly dropped her fan and cried out.

"Wait, Sesshoumaru knows where the rest of the jewel shards are!"

Naraku's hand paused over Kagura's heart and his eyes narrowed as he reassessed Kagura, trying to figure out whether or not he should spare her this time.

"Sesshoumaru was seeking you out, and it was clear that he was defending himself and not coming just to fight, or else why didn't he kill Kanna or follow Kohaku into an obvious trap?" Kagura continued.

"Or maybe perhaps the Lord of the West isn't as powerful as he would like others to believe. And I know he came to me this time, so spare me the defense of your lover—or should I say _former_ lover?"

Kagura winced but held her ground. "This time it's different."

"Or maybe it isn't," Naraku said as he began to squeezing Kagura's heart. He applied just enough pressure to sting but not cripple

Kagura gripped her chest and gritted her teeth. Naraku's threat was evident: get to the point or suffer the consequences. Either way Kagura knew she would pay for saving Sesshoumaru, either now or later.

"It is different this time. Think about it, where has Kagome's half of the jewel gone? Kagome's disappearance and Sesshoumaru's return to and from the west took place at exactly the same time. You can use him as an undead pawn, or carve his body up to make a sword, but you'll never get the location of the jewel shards from a dead man. If Sesshoumaru dies the location of the remaining half of the Shikon no Tama dies with him."

Naraku's eyes turned from threatening to considering, and he stopped squeezing Kagura's heart as he mulled over her words. But soon his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as he confronted his creation and his words were both a threat and a command, "Tell me more."

He had thrown her away, but Kagura wasn't though with Sesshoumaru. She loved him, still loved him, but not enough to watch him die for Kikyou. Especially not now when she was so close to freedom. Naraku wasn't the only one that had schemes in play.

"I'll tell you everything."

(7/19/13 — Winter – Chapter One – End)

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Hope this chapter was worth the wait. Also, I used Wikipedia for the architecture of the temple. So if there are any errors blame it on Wikipedia.


End file.
